Published August 3, 2010 - 7:55am
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As we journey together, hand in hand, through this year’s edition of The Men Beneath the Headsets: The Head Coaches of the SEC, we take a pit stop at the arm pit of America: Starkville, Mississippi. Now I know what you are thinking, “Wait a second, America is a country, not a human being, thus it has no armpit.” Smh. It is an expression, pal I just mean it smells bad. That’s all.
Anyway, it has been said that Mississippi State is the yard dog of the SEC, in that they always get kicked around. After they got rid of the Mustached One, Sly Croom, the powers that be in Starkville sought after a coach that could elevate their status to at least the Nicole Ritche of the league: no one takes you seriously, but at least they have heard of you.
That coach is Dan Mullen. Let me ask you a quick question for context. Do you remember the movie Animal House? Good. Do you remember that skinny kid and the fat kid that were the pledges in the movie? Right. The fat one, do you remember his nickname? That’s right, they called him, “Flounder.” Well, Dan Mullen looks like the love child of Flounder and Baby Huey.
Coach Mullen is a legend in his hometown of Manchester, New Hampshire, where he quarterbacked the Pioneers of Trinity High School to a state championship in 1988. Dan got caught up in some other coaching jobs that aren’t worth mentioning, but in 2004, Dan woke up one morning in Utah. In his pocket he found a business car that read: “Daniel Mullen, Quarterbacks Coach, Utah Utes.” Coach Dan worked for a little known coach named Urban, and helped develop the greatest scam in the history of the NFL draft: Alex Smith. After being banned from San Franscico and every other major NFL city, Dan was forced to follow Urban Meyer down to Gainesville to help coach the Gatas. Dan worked with Chris Leak and Timothy Tebow, and helped the young men prepare for wearing their national championship rings.
In 2009, Mullen led his bulldogs to a 5-7 record, which would be like a 10-2 record in Baton Rouge. Coach Dan brought in the #25 recruiting class in the country in his maiden voyage into the recruiting seas. In short, the future is bright in Starkville, and rightfully so. We here at SDS anxiously await watching the Bulldogs take the field for the first time during the 2011 Insight.com bowl. What a joyous day that will be.
I get so damned tired of all you smartass wannabe sports writers making countless childish, third-grade remarks about Starkville, Mississippi – obviously a place you’ve never been. I mean, come on, it says you’re a KENTUCKY writer. Ever been to KENTUCKY? More rednecks and ugly people per square mile than anyplace else in the SEC. Keep your mouth shut about any other place – you can’t compete.
As for MSU always getting kicked around in the SEC, well my boy, little MSU has a conference championship and a western division championship to their name. UK has one conference championship and one co-championship and no division titles. MSU holds a 21-15 mark all-time over UK. So we get kicked around but you’re what? Getting walked all over.
Is the only way you can feel superior is to try and drag someone else down.
You’re not a professional writer. This piece of crap above is far too lazy an effort to have come from someone who actually knows how to cover a beat.
Dan, thanks for the comment. I’m sorry that I offended you, we post these to talk about our coaches’ histories in an entertaining way. Mostly these articles are written to entertain readers, poke a little bit of fun at the stereotypes of our SEC brethren. I’ll admit, I have been to Oxford, not Starkville, but only because I had several friends have beer bottles thrown at them at the local bars there. And Joseph, they were ladies. Three separate incidents. In all seriousness, I don’t want to get into a pissing contest with a gentleman from Mississippi about which state has more rednecks or rednecks per square mile. There is no winner here. I love Kentucky, and you love Mississippi, and clearly, MSU has had our number 6 times more than we had yours. You have a great ball coach, and I look forward to watching your program grow over the years.