Published July 14, 2011 - 5:58am
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A list of fifty crucial questions for the upcoming season that every college football fan is thinking, but most likely too afraid to ask.
- Will the SEC win yet another BCS National Championship?
- Will Oklahoma be the team to end the streak?
- Will Bob Stoops blow it, yet, manage to get another raise after his name is floated for the Cowboys gig?
- Will Urban Meyer continue to ignore his wife and kids?
- Will Joe Paterno continue to live?
- First Ohio loses Lebron James, now Jim Tressel and the entire Ohio State Football program. Is a State-Wide mass suicide a concern?
- Can Nebraska come in and win the Big 10 in their first season?
- Will Stephen Garcia get dismissed and reinstated from South Carolina before you finish this article?
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Stephen Garcia = Hurley Will Stephen Garcia continue to look exactly like Hurley from Lost?
- How will Iowa respond after their Bataan Death March inspired off-season workouts?
- Will Georgia finally realize that the SEC has passed Mark Richt by?
- Honestly, am I the only person in America that watched Georgia’s 10-6 loss to UCF in the Auto Zone Liberty Bowl?
- Who will fill the shoes of Cameron Newton?
- Who paid for Cameron Newton’s shoes?
- Without Cam Newton around, what the hell are we going to talk about?
- How will Auburn respond to the Toomer’s Corner Tree Poisoning?
- Now that a few months have passed, can we finally talk about how hilarious the Toomer’s Corner Tree Poisoning was?
- Will new Florida head coach Will Muschamp’s reign be more like Urban Meyer’s or Ron Zook’s?
- Will John Brantley go down as the worst Florida QB since his dad?
- Can Charlie Weis turn John Brantley into a productive QB?
- If so, will Weis then cure cancer, invent a car that runs on garbage and ink a deal to be a Calvin Klein underwear model?
- Will Andrew Luck admit that Stanford is hard as hell and he probably should have gone pro after all?
- What will happen in the NCAA’s investigation into Oregon’s recruiting practices?
- Will the NCAA hammer Lane Kiffin for failing to promote an atmosphere of compliance within the football program?
- Will Kiffin not care because if fired he will continue his trend of failing upward and replace Hugh Hefner at Playboy?
- Is Florida State a legitimate title contender or simply benefiting from a terrible ACC and an Urban Meyer nervous breakdown?
- Will Jimbo Fisher and Will Muschamp continue to co-own a beach house after this season?
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Name Your Favorite McElroy! Will Alabama miss Greg McElroy a lot more than they ever expected?
- Will I miss Greg McElory’s sister, Blair, a lot more than I ever expected?
- Who is the sister/girlfriend that will fill high heels of greats like Blair McElory and Rachel McCoy?
- Who replace Cecil Newton and Greg McElory Sr as the most obnoxious father in college football?
- Is Alabama’s Trent Richardson the best RB in the country?
- Is South Carolina’s Marcus Lattimore better than Trent Richardson?
- Is Arkansas’s Knile Davis better than both?
- Could Alshon Jeffery emerge as the best player in America?
- Will Brian Kelly finally bring some wins/respect back to South Bend?
- What kind of a role will mega-recruit Jadeveon Clowney play this year for South Carolina?
- Will 2010 mega-recruit Ronald Powell breakout for Florida?
- Can Freshman RB Isaiah Crowell step up and fill the void left behind by the recently dismissed Caleb King?
- Does Caleb King even leave a void behind?
- Is Aaron Murray the best QB in the SEC after only winning 6 games?
- Is Tyler Wilson’s 328 yard 4 TD performance against Auburn a sign of things to come for Arkansas?
- Is there a fake Tyler Wilson Twitter account as funny as fake Ryan Mallett’s?
- Will Erin Andrews become too big of a star to continue working college football games?
- Can LSU’s Jordan Jefferson finally turn the corner and be the Quarterback LSU needs him to be?
- Will Boise State’s move to the Mountain West help their chances at playing in a BCS Championship game?
- Will Kellen Moore put the final touches on one of the most impressive careers in college football history that nobody cares about?
- Can Steve Spurrier really win an SEC Championship at South Carolina with Stephen Garcia?
- Will Denard Robinson finally learn how to tie his shoes?
- Will Kirk Herbstreit have a hop in his step this season on Gameday after escaping Ohio and taking his talents to Nashville?
1) Probably
2) No
3) Most likely
4) Who?
5) He’s still alive?
6) Has it ever not been?
7) Yes
8) No
9) No
10) Losing season
11) High probability
12) No. Every UCF alum watched it, too
13) No one
14) Cecil
15) Les Miles’ antics
16) A weird combination of defiance and mourning
17) No because it’s not funny
18) First year: Zook. After that, who can tell?
19) No
20) He turned a mediocre Brady around
21) No, no, and God I hope not
22) Yes
23) Nothing after the big Nike endowment
24) Yes
25) Quite possibly
26) They are not a legitimate title contender
27) Yes
28) No
29) Yes
30) Signing Day Fax Girl!
31) Good question
32) If he stays healthy
33) No
34) That’s up in the air
35) No
36) Not this year
37) Minimal this year, but look out next year
38) That depends on how Muschamp uses him
39) What void?
40) See above
41) No
42) No
43) Let’s hope one develops
44) Only if she gets it’s a sex tape this time
45) Maybe
46) No
47) Who?
48) No
49) No
50) Yes
This is awesome.
17. # Now that a few months have passed, can we finally talk about how hilarious the Toomer’s Corner Tree Poisoning was?
Seriously! I mean it’s screwed up and all, but it’s hysterical. Why are we so sensitive about plant life?
This one also made me spit up: Honestly, am I the only person in America that watched Georgia’s 10-6 loss to UCF in the Auto Zone Liberty Bowl?
Well done sir.
Number 17 almost got me in trouble. Sitting in a July semester Landform Geography class, the teacher is lecturing on erosion and I bust out laughing! Sorry but that was hilarious, totally wrong what he did but so funny!
Will the SEC win yet another BCS National Championship? Likely
Will Oklahoma be the team to end the streak? No
Will Bob Stoops blow it, yet, manage to get another raise after his name is floated for the Cowboys gig? IDK
Will Urban Meyer continue to ignore his wife and kids? No
Will Joe Paterno continue to live? Yes
First Ohio loses Lebron James, now Jim Tressel and the entire Ohio State Football program. Is a State-Wide mass suicide a concern? No, the Reds are improved.
Can Nebraska come in and win the Big 10 in their first season? Yes.
Will Stephen Garcia get dismissed and reinstated from South Carolina before you finish this article? Fo Show.
Will Stephen Garcia continue to look exactly like Hurley from Lost? No
How will Iowa respond after their Bataan Death March inspired off-season workouts? Bowl season, it’s the Big 10.
Will Georgia finally realize that the SEC has passed Mark Richt by? No, Richt is a sharp guy.
Honestly, am I the only person in America that watched Georgia’s 10-6 loss to UCF in the Auto Zone Liberty Bowl? No, there were a few guys in red and black cotton pants watching that one…..
Who will fill the shoes of Cameron Newton? Kiehl Frazier…..
Who paid for Cameron Newton’s shoes? His daddy….
Without Cam Newton around, what the hell are we going to talk about? Notre Dame
How will Auburn respond to the Toomer’s Corner Tree Poisoning? Plant new trees.
Now that a few months have passed, can we finally talk about how hilarious the Toomer’s Corner Tree Poisoning was? Dude, that was soooo red neck.
Will new Florida head coach Will Muschamp’s reign be more like Urban Meyer’s or Ron Zook’s? Zook… I can’t believe they are paying that foul mouthed son of a bitch that much money.
Will John Brantley go down as the worst Florida QB since his dad? No….
Can Charlie Weis turn John Brantley into a productive QB? Yes….
If so, will Weis then cure cancer, invent a car that runs on garbage and ink a deal to be a Calvin Klein underwear model? Him losing 80lbs. would be enough of a miracle.
Will Andrew Luck admit that Stanford is hard as hell and he probably should have gone pro after all? No…
What will happen in the NCAA’s investigation into Oregon’s recruiting practices? Slap on the wrist…. N I K E.
Will the NCAA hammer Lane Kiffin for failing to promote an atmosphere of compliance within the football program? No…
Will Kiffin not care because if fired he will continue his trend of failing upward and replace Hugh Hefner at Playboy? LIke it!
Is Florida State a legitimate title contender or simply benefiting from a terrible ACC and an Urban Meyer nervous breakdown? The latter…
Will Jimbo Fisher and Will Muschamp continue to co-own a beach house after this season? Surely…. the housing market in Florida is too depressed.
Name Your Favorite McElroy! McElroy Trucking
Will Alabama miss Greg McElroy a lot more than they ever expected? Yes
Will I miss Greg McElory’s sister, Blair, a lot more than I ever expected? Fo Show
Who is the sister/girlfriend that will fill high heels of greats like Blair McElory and Rachel McCoy? IDK
Who replace Cecil Newton and Greg McElory Sr as the most obnoxious father in college football? IDK
Is Alabama’s Trent Richardson the best RB in the country? No
Is South Carolina’s Marcus Lattimore better than Trent Richardson? No, just different.
Is Arkansas’s Knile Davis better than both? Yes.
Could Alshon Jeffery emerge as the best player in America? No.
Will Brian Kelly finally bring some wins/respect back to South Bend? Yes.
What kind of a role will mega-recruit Jadeveon Clowney play this year for South Carolina? Dominant…..
Will 2010 mega-recruit Ronald Powell breakout for Florida? Great year for a FR.
Can Freshman RB Isaiah Crowell step up and fill the void left behind by the recently dismissed Caleb King?
Does Caleb King even leave a void behind? No and Yes.
Is Aaron Murray the best QB in the SEC after only winning 6 games? Hell to the nah…..
Is Tyler Wilson’s 328 yard 4 TD performance against Auburn a sign of things to come for Arkansas? Yes, smart kid with a genius coach.
Is there a fake Tyler Wilson Twitter account as funny as fake Ryan Mallett’s? Not yet…..
Will Erin Andrews become too big of a star to continue working college football games? Yes
Can LSU’s Jordan Jefferson finally turn the corner and be the Quarterback LSU needs him to be? No.
Will Boise State’s move to the Mountain West help their chances at playing in a BCS Championship game? Not much.
Will Kellen Moore put the final touches on one of the most impressive careers in college football history that nobody cares about? Yep.
Can Steve Spurrier really win an SEC Championship at South Carolina with Stephen Garcia? No, too bad he didn’t get the kid from NCST.
Will Denard Robinson finally learn how to tie his shoes? LOL… Shoes? Who need ‘em?
Will Kirk Herbstreit have a hop in his step this season on Gameday after escaping Ohio and taking his talents to Nashville? Ohio crazy about those Buckeye’s, and unemployment is high…. run South!
# 51 will the TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS have another winning season or even the slightest chance of taking the SEC EAST
YES!
And #24 – I’d like to take a hammer to Lane Kiffin.
#25 – Hugh Hefner has more class than Lane Kiffin.
Will Lou Holtz lean to speak without spitting?
I laughed when I read #5 at the beginning of the season. It’s a really sad way to end his life.