Published November 28, 2011 - 4:51pm
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Recappin’ the weekend of action with a little attitude…
Les Runs It Up On Petrino
Full disclosure, I love Les Miles. I’ve loved him since the 2007 Auburn-LSU game where Les, with a timeout left, trailing 23-24, let the clock roll down to 8 sec before calling a lob to the end zone, instead of setting up the game winning FG.
You know how chowder-heads say wicked awesome? That play call was stupid-awesome. Ever since that game I’ve watched him with the same curiosity with which I watch the Jackass movies. By the way, I also love the Jackass movies.
As I said in my Uncensored Play-By-Play of the LSU-Arkansas game, I have no problem with Les Miles not calling off the dogs in the game against Arkansas on Friday; in fact, the current BCS system demands it. The difference between Les Miles running up the score and Bill Belichick running up the score is level of excitement and enjoyment. Belichick runs up the score like he’s a stern father spanking his son, “This will turn you into a man!” Miles runs up the score like he’s on a hot streak at the craps table on a bachelor party in Vegas. He’s laughing, he’s fist-pumping, he’s humping the ground. I think that’s what Bobby Petrino was pissed off about. It wasn’t the FG with 5 minutes left to stretch a 21 point lead to a 24 point lead; it was the pure elation Petrino saw when he looked across the field at Les that really pissed him off.
Nobody loves winning more than Steve Spurrier. Nobody enjoys winning more than Les Miles.
Even When They Lose, Bama Wins
Alabama easily took care of Auburn in the Tree Poison Bowl to all but lock up a spot in the BCS Championship game. That means the loss at home to LSU was the best thing that ever happened to this team them aside from Trent Richardson’s parents deciding to have sex sometime in October of 1989. Bama gets to sit at home and watch an undefeated LSU team try to earn another shot to beat them again. While LSU players are trying not blowing out a knee before the National Championship game, Alabama players will be at a party trying not to catch an STD.
Dawgs Beat Up on Nerdy Engineers
Georgia picked up a big win over in-state rival Georgia Tech, in a game Georgia Tech students will remember as, “That one time girls were on our campus.” It was a game Georgia should have won easily and they did. Georgia is a good team but we all saw that LSU does to good teams on Friday.
Tough Time to be a Gator
Florida fans are looking for the “Gun” from Steve Spurrier’s old “Fun & Gun Offense” so they can put themselves out of their own misery. Watching Florida’s offense is like watching a morbidly obese man slowly eat himself to death, but enough about Charlie Weis. Hey-now!
But, it could be worse; your old hero of a head coach could accept a new job and potentially coach against you in the bowl game. Wait, what that? Really? What a dick. That guy hates his children.
Worse time to be a Vol
With their first loss to Kentucky since 1986, Tennessee finishes the season 5-7 (1-7 SEC) is now officially a Woman’s Basketball school. Fire Derek Dooley immediately. It won’t get any better. Seriously, hire Mike Leach right now. It would be an absolute steal.
Week A-Team
Honey Badger – CB, LSU – Eight Tackles, two forced fumbles, a fumble recovery and this 92-yard punt return for a TD.
Steve Spurrier – Head Coach South Carolina – A win over Rival Clemson gives the Gamecocks 10 wins despite losing Marcus Lattimore and Stephen Garcia for a large part of the season. The Old Ball Coach can still do it. Urban Meyer left Florida for an easier job. Steve Spurrier left Florida for a harder job. That’s all you need to know.
Vanderbilt – The Commodores smoked Nerd Forest 41-7 to gain bowl eligibility. Congrats to James Franklin and everyone who took my advice and bet Vandy -1.5. Take Money!
What They Meant To Say: Urban Meyer Edition
“Well it really comes down to me being a huge puss. I’m scared of Nick Saban, Les Miles… Dan Mullen scares me… Bobby Petrino is kind of scary… I’m basically scared of everyone but Mark Richt and Vince Dooley’s idiot son.” – Urban Meyer on taking the Ohio State job
“Oh, I hate them. Yeah, big time. But in fairness, they hate me, too, so it goes both ways.” – Urban Meyer on his relationship with his family
“Health isn’t a concern anymore. My gynecologist checked me out and I’m good to go.” - Urban Meyer on having female sex organs
Wow. Who would have thought that Urban Meyer had genitalia?
His daughters are pretty hot…
You’re making the assumption that they’re not actually someone else’s daughters.
I think it is sad that I am trying to show my son an article about SEC football and I find that I should have read it first. He is 12 years old and loves Alabama. While reading the article, it stated twice in one paragraph, something that wasn’t appropriate for a 12 year old to hear or read. What is wrong with this world? Why do we need to read something about a players parents having sex or the chance of players getting a STD? We need writes that are willing to write an article that will stand on subject matter, not just articles that have SHOCK value.
We need “writes’ that are willing………… Sorry for the typo. “Writers” .
“We need writes who are willing to write”? I don’t know what that means.
It’s not a website for a 12 year old. It states plainly below the title that it’s uncensored. It’s for adults that speak candidly about football, and enjoy the comedic commentary. Let your kid read about Alabama on ESPN or al.com.
Honestly, we can chalk this up to poor parenting. Quick tip: if it is on the internet and says it’s “uncensored” you should probably steer your children away from it. They’ll find plenty of uncensored materials out here without you helping.
You decided to have children so it’s your responsibility to monitor what they read. It is not the responsibility of anyone on this website to monitor your children for you. If you want to be a parent, then be a parent. If you don’t want to take responsibility for your children, then you shouldn’t have had them in the first place.
The refs should have also tacked on a personal foul for that goober (#14) who shoved the Honey Badger in the back three yards after he crossed the goal line. As for Bobby Petrino, he’s a slimy, slithering snake rectum. And those are his GOOD qualities.
Seriously! You should know what you are allowing your children to read. The author is not your kid’s parent, you are. I have kids as well, but I know what is written for my eyes and what is appropriate for them. Parents are so quick these days to blow off their responsibilities and blame someone else.
William, you need to take it easier on Coach Dooley. He inherited a royal “mess”. He’s had to kick some talented players off the team, the team was very young, and injuries decimated skilled positions. Just remember:
In 1977 Johnny Majors was hired by the Vols with much fanfare after having just won a National Championship at Pittsburgh and National Coach of the Year honors. Fans were expecting big things. However, it was in the eighth game of his fifth season before he achieved a break even record at UT with a record of 26-26-1. His break even game was a 24-21 home win over a less than powerful Wichita State. He had inherited a team that had gone 59-22-2 over the previous seven years. The Vols went on to win a bowl game that year and the rest is history. We must admit, Dooley inherited a program that was in much worse disarray. It’s gonna take time.