Published July 23, 2012 - 3:21pm
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Last week’s SEC Media Days had its moments. If you were hoping for more uncensored quotes from the coaches, we’ve got you covered. Here are the quotes that the SEC coaches meant to say at Media Days.
South Carolina Head Coach Steve Spurrier
“Why are we in Hoover, Alabama? We have the entire South to choose from and we choose Hoover? Not Charleston. Not Hilton Head. Not Islamorada. Hoover? I need a Busch Light. (Waits for beer, and then chugs it.) Alright first question…”
Spurrier: “These new coaches are the worst I’ve ever seen come through the SEC. Hey, Pinkel (Missouri Coach Gary Pinkel), what’s his name, the guy in the red shirt? (gestures to Mark Richt)
Gary Pinkel: Ah, that’s Georgia Head Coach, Mark Rich.
Spurrier: “Huh, Mark Rich? Did you say Rich? Rich, like Scrooge McDuck? Did you see him diving head first into his vault of gold coins? Wrong, get up and go introduce yourself again. (Gary Pinkel walks over to Mark Richt and introduces himself, and comes back to Spurrier.) What’s his name?
Pinkel: “Georgia Head Coach Mark Richt”
Spurrier: “That’s right Mark Richt, with a hard T. Now, who is that guy, in the blue shirt?” (points to Will Muschamp)
Spurrier: Muschamp, huh? Just Muschamp? You are boys with him now, and can just call him by his last name now? You two are old buddies, Muchamp and Pinkel? Get up and go introduce yourself again.
Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban
“Do I have too much power? No, I’m just part of the team here at Alabama. We got Moore, the AD, and the President is… ah, you get the point. I’m just a worker bee like the rest of you. (Saban then points at the reporter who asked the question and armed men storm through the door, put a black bag over his head and drag him off.) Next question… none? Thanks, guys.” (Levitates and hovers out of the building like David Copperfield.)
LSU Coach Les Miles
“Oh, who even remembers bowl games? I find people tune in to the regular season and then just zone out.”
“You’re with ESPN? Why did you run off my girl Erin Andrews? That was the best part of the job. Well, life moves on. Have you seen those pics of Jenn Brown in the bikini and stripper shoes? Nice!”
Arkansas Head Coach John L. Smith
“My style is a little James Carville a little Yosemite Sam. I’m certifiably insane, so I was a little surprised to get the job.” (Then starts playing with his poop, and laughing maniacally)
Tennessee Head Coach Derek Dooley
“Trust me, I’m as shocked to see you guys as are you are to see me. I mean, I went 1-8 in the SEC last season. The good news is I’ll never have to come to Hoover again, you know what I mean (laughing, and shooting finger guns).”
“Tyler Bray said we’d win the SEC? In Football? No, I’m pretty sure he was talking Girls Basketball.”
“Well, last season we went 7-6. John Brantley is gone, and he took his suffocating sense of sadness and dread with him, so that should count for 3 wins. Charlie Weis is gone, and he takes with him 630 lbs of dead weight and outdated offensive schemes, so that should count for 3 wins. So, by my math, we’ll be playing in Miami on Jan. 7. 2013.”
Vanderbilt Head Coach James Franklin
“I feel the need to clear this up, Jordan Rodgers isn’t the brother of Super Bowl winning Quarterback Aaron Rodgers, he’s the brother of the late Fred Rodgers, from Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood. Y’all take a minute to adjust your expectations before the next question. I’ll wait.”
Auburn Head Coach Gene Chizik
“It feels like we are getting back to normal. Nobody is asking about Cam Newton this and Cam Newton that. We’re back to answering questions about playing in the same state as Alabama, and how good Alabama’s recruiting class is and how good a coach Nick Saban is. You know, normal Auburn stuff.”
Missouri Head Coach Gary Pinkel
“We’re screwed. Look for us to throw lobs up to Dorial Green-Beckham literally every play from scrimmage. But it won’t matter. We didn’t even recruit defensive players in the Big 12. They are all doughy frat boys walk-ons.”
Missouri WR T.J. Moe
“The chicks down here are smoke. It gets a little cold in Missouri and our girls need a little extra, you know, cushion, for survival. Down here you just don’t have that. That and the defenses.” (On difference between Big 12 and SEC)