What happened to you on Saturday: Week 1

Published September 3, 2012 - 9:10am

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What happened to you on Saturday? This is the must read for every SEC football fan on Monday morning right here at Saturday Down South. Pulling no punches as we recap a weekend of SEC football action…

Please, Bama, Don’t Hurt ‘Em

My buddy Rush sent me a text: “Bama is crushing HGH.” Aside from a girl saying: “You might be too good looking” or “Have you ever considered going into porn?” I’m not sure if there is a greater compliment.

He says such things because he, and me and everyone else, can’t comprehend how Alabama can lose so many superstars and still be the best team in college football. How are they still so good? It doesn’t make sense.

But, they are SO good. Michigan looked like they tried to jump up two weight classes, and I pretty quickly found myself feeling a little bad for them. Everyone likes Michigan. They have cool uniforms, a cool stadium, cool alums (even if they do wear lady shoes) and they hate Ohio State. What’s not to like?

After Alabama went up 31-7 before I could finish my first IPA, I went into “I hope Denard Robinson doesn’t get hurt” mode. Thankfully, he didn’t and while Michigan won’t be playing for a National Championship this season, they can still take down the Big Ten.

Alabama is still the #1 team in the country, people. I’d guess they would be at least 7.5 point favorites if they played USC tomorrow.

How good is Tennessee? Can they win the East?

Is Tennessee legit or is North Carolina State just terrible? I think it’s a little bit of both, but in comparison to their SEC East brethren, Tennessee has to feel great. For 1 minute they looked like the greatest team in the history of sports and for the other 59 minutes they still looked pretty damn solid. It’s a massive step in the right direction for a team that pathetically went 5-7 last year and had a mess of an offseason. The Vols have a bye next week against Georgia State, which I believe is a school for kids born without arms, before Florida comes to town.

Speaking of Florida… Wow. Who’s on their short list?

How about:

1.) Dan Mullen
2.) James Franklin
3.) Gus Malzahn

Hey, Jeremy Foley, how close am I?

South Carolina’s quarterback Connor Shaw is a pleasure to watch and I hope I’m wrong, but there is no chance in hell that guy makes it through an entire season in the SEC. No chance. He’s fast, but he’s not fast enough to be that small. He’s listed at 6’1” 207 lbs., which is about the same size as Michael Vick, another running quarterback who is just a little too small to take the beating running quarterback take (and Shaw isn’t in the same universe when it comes to making guys miss). With Steve Spurrier’s luck at South Carolina, Shaw will go down the play after Marcus Lattimore fully recovers from last season’s ACL tear. It’s great to have Lattimore back, even if he’s only 80 percent recovered; he’s still a game changer.

Georgia struggled with Buffalo for 3 quarters, but they should be fine. Who cares if Isaiah Crowell gets kicked off the team? Freshman tailback Todd Gurley looks like he’s the player everyone thought Crowell might be. And when Gurley eventually gets kicked off the team for driving a steamroller with a suspended license or something, they’ll toss in Keith Marshall until he is kicked off the team after his pet lion eats a child, or something.

I’d still pick Georgia as the favorite in the SEC East, but that’s assuming crazy-face Todd Grantham gets the defense figured out. Wait a second, Todd Gurley… Todd Grantham… that’s way too many Todd’s in important positions. Todds are pretty good guys but you really should try to keep it to one or less Todds in any organization. I’m out on Georgia.

Plays That Matter

Every fan of college football loved seeing this. Welcome back #21.

I don’t care if this is against Buffalo, freshmen aren’t supposed to be able to do this yet. Let the Herschel Walker comparisons begin!

Time to learn how to learn how to spell Cordarrelle.

What they Meant To Say…

“I kept stepping in to call running plays on 3rd and 1 fully knowing we would get stuffed. That way nobody would talk about how our average our defense looked against Bowling Green.” – Will Muschamp, Florida Head Coach, former defense wunderkind

“I don’t know what went wrong. From now on I’m only recruiting players with unibrows. It worked so well for Coach Cal.” – Joker Philips, Kentucky Head Coach (as of 9:30 pm on Sunday)

“My players aren’t taking HGH. Come on. It reminds me of that new Bourne Legacy movie. They were popping the Greens, which are HGH on HGH, and the Blues, which makes your IQ jump 50 points. By ‘reminds’, I mean, ‘they’re real, and we’re doing them.’” – Nick Saban, Alabama Head Coach, Director of Blackbriar

“Herschel, Herschel, Herschel, Herschel” – The stands, Sanford Stadium, Athens. After Todd Gurley’s performance