What happened to you on Saturday? This is the must read for every SEC football fan on Monday morning right here at Saturday Down South. Pulling no punches as we recap a weekend of SEC football action…
Alabama Finally Played Somebody, I Guess
Alabama’s scoring hasn’t been this efficient since Forrest Gump ran out of eligibility in the early 1960’s. With their 44-13 win over the lifeless Tennessee Volunteers (although it’s starting to feel like being a Tennessee fan is more something the court would make you do than it is something to volunteer for), the Tide have now scored 30+ in all seven of their games. AJ McCarron put up Heisman-like numbers, with a career-high 306 yards and four touchdowns. RB T.J. Yeldon, who is only seven years old, ran for 129 yards and two touchdowns. WR Amari Cooper, who turns seven next week, had seven catches for 162 yards and two touchdowns, as well. Freshmen? Offense? What’s happening in Tuscaloosa?
Well, I’m sure Alabama is good, but be wary of your success against the Vols. Thinking you have a really potent offense after playing Tennessee can be misleading, like thinking you have really good game because the blonde in the short black dress in Vegas keeps laughing at your jokes and making insanely good eye contact (she’s a prostitute). When Georgia finished their shootout with the Vols, Aaron Murray was asked about his teams SEC Championship chances. He smirked and said, “Well, we’re pretty darn good.” A week later against South Carolina he went 11/31 for 109 yards, zero touchdowns and an interception. The point is: don’t get cocky, Bama, because Tennessee is horrible at covering and tackling and Mississippi State isn’t.
By the way, college cannot get over fast enough for Tyler Bray. No wonder he drinks. Dropped passes, 13/27, 184 yards, zero touchdowns, two interceptions. I still think he could be an NFL quarterback, but this much losing can break a man’s spirit. Just stay away from the butt-chugging PIKES and you should be fine, Tyler.
Everyone Hates the Gators
I started writing how the media was downplaying not only the Gators dismantling of South Carolina, but their entire resume – which happens to be the most impressive resume of anyone in college football – and the next thing I knew 24 hours had passed and I hadn’t slept, so I broke it off into it’s own article.
What I will say here is that Florida has a violent defense. They hit hard from all over the field. From soon to be All-American safety Matt Elam, to soon to be All-American defensive tackle Sharrif Floyd to current awesome name All-American Loucheiz Purifoy. Florida’s defense looked a lot like Alabama’s defense from last year. It seemed like they had 14 guys on the field, and they all knew the play-call. Connor Shaw got sacked four times, but that was mainly because nobody could get open on Florida’s secondary.
The SEC has a way of separating the contenders from the pretenders and while South Carolina is a good team, they proved they are not a great team. They do have a great player, though. Jadeveon Clowney was awesome once again, but his impact on the game was made obsolete by superior field position provided by the turnovers created by Florida’s defense.
Now, the challenge the Gators face is the same as it is for everyone who will be in Jacksonville next weekend – survive the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.
Where Have You Gone, Johnny Football?
17 yards rushing? Three interceptions? This is not the Johnny Football I remember from my youth. As a boy I would sit by the fire as pop told stories of the time Johnny Football gained 576 total yards against Louisiana Tech. It was a simpler time. Back then it was easy to outrun the corners from the third best team in Louisiana. It’s apparently harder against the best team in Louisiana. History has since told us that LSU has a better defense than Arkansas, but we didn’t know that back then. Maybe we didn’t want to know…
Goodnight, Johnny Football, my sweet prince.
Plays That Mattered
Florida Corner Loucheiz Purifoy gets a free shot at a 5’10” 165 lbs. quarterback with a fractured shoulder. This one didn’t end well for the Gamecocks. This one holds personal significance for me because I have two brothers, both named Loucheiz. Stripsack!
Saturday was Zach Mettenberger’s first time ever throwing a football, so it was pretty clear that LSU would need every single rushing yard they could muster to hold off Texas A&M. This 47-yard run by freshman Jeremy Hill clinched the game for the Tigers.
Just look how A.J. McCarron was able to thread the needle against this stingy Tennessee defense to find Amari Cooper for a 23-yard TD (in this example the needle is size of Knox County).
What They Meant to Say
“Who cares about beating South Carolina, did you see my girlfriend on Gameday? Head Cheerleader… Yep, What up? The Tebow comparisons stop right here, right now! You know what I mean? (winks, starts humping the air, throws hand up to high five reporters).” – Jeff Driskel, Quarterback, Ladies Man, Florida
“Tell me again why I have to do this for another whole season? I’d be a Pro Bowler tomorrow. Whatever, I’ll make the most of it. Hey, coach, what about letting me return kicks? You better believe I won’t be fumbling.” – Jadeveon Clowney, Defensive End, Future 1%’er, South Carolina
“After last week against Louisiana Tech, I was under the impression that everyone in Louisiana ran 6.2 40’s. I was way off.” – Johnny Manziel, Formerly Johnny Football, Quartback, Texas A&M