Published January 11, 2013 - 10:20am
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Ever since Janet Jackson had a wardrobe malfunction during Halftime of the Super Bowl, the censors have deployed a delay to prevent children from seeing or hearing things they can never un-see, or never un-hear. They had their hands full on Monday night during the BCS National Championship Game between Alabama and Notre Dame.
You heard what they missed, here’s what they caught.
Brent Musburger: Now, when you’re a quarterback at Alabama, you see that lovely lady there? She does go to Auburn, I will admit that, but she’s also Miss Alabama, and that’s A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend, okay? …Wow, I’m telling you, you quarterbacks, you get all the good looking women. What a beautiful woman.
Kirk Herbstreit: Wow, A.J. is doing some
Musburger (Interrupting): WHOA!
Herbstreit (Finishing): things right down in Tucalossa.
Musburger: So if you’re a youngster in Alabama, get the football out and start throwing it around with pops.
Musburger: Kirk, I’ll be honest. My body is doing things right now that it hasn’t done in 20 years. I would like you to look below the console and describe what you see to the viewers at home…
Kirk Herbstreit: Put that away.. Wait, what is that?!? That is the worst thing I’ve seen tonight, and I’ve seen Manti Te’o try to tackle Eddie Lacy. Let’s get back to the game, Brent.
Musburger: When you’re right, you’re right, Kirk. 1st-and-ten., McCarron gives the ball to Lacy, and Lacy runs over Te’o, again, First down, Alabama… have you ever been with a beauty queen Kirk?
Herbstreit: No comment, Brent.
Musburger: Miss Oregon 1963, Kirk. Miss Oregon 1963. She didn’t look like that, though. She hadn’t seen the sun in her entire life. Yep, she was as white as an albino Swede riding a polar bear and carried around 20 lbs of excess baggage. They, weren’t as tight back then, Kirk. Doctors just didn’t know how bad bread was for women.
I seduced her with my golden voice. THE VOICE OF GOD! (He booms) She was mesmerized. (He starts singing) Here she comes, Miss America!”
Herbstreit: Brent we are still on the air.
Musburger: Eddie Lacy takes the handoff, he’s… well, he’s running around the field looking for Manti Te’o, he finds him, runs him over, and picks up 13. First Down, Alabama. Miss Alabama Katherine Web… I wouldn’t mind being a fly in her web if you know what I mean, Kirk.
Herbstreit: Not really. You want her to become a spider and… no, I don’t get it.
Musburger: What is a girl like that doing sitting with those commoners?
Herbstreit: That actually is a good question.
Musburger: She should be frolicking on a beach with a 26-year-old Brent Musburger.
Herbstreit: Nah, she likes those Bama Boys. Have you seen this clown’s chest tattoo?
Musburger: I’ve been thinking about getting a chest tat of my own, Kirk. A shirtless Musburger riding a unicorn with Miss Alabama. I’d be nude except for her tiara and sash. She’ll be wearing A.J. McCarron’s jersey, because I’m into some dark stuff. We’ll be flying high above the sexiest place on Earth, The Horseshoe in Ann Arbor Michigan.
Herbstreit: That would be quite a tattoo, Brent. Alabama just scored again.
Musburger: Speaking of scoring again…
Herbstreit: Slow down, old timer.
Musburger: Look at McCarron. He doesn’t even know what happening right now. A few years with A.J. got her what? Miss Alabama? That’s nothing. 10 seconds of old Brent talking about her and she’s got the whole world googling her. Imagine where I can take you, baby! OLD BRENT WILL MAKE YOU A STAR!!!!!!