The world’s most common narrative any time a new head coach takes over at a major program is some version of the following:

This is the weakest team I’ve ever seen. They’re in terrible shape. They’ve never worked as hard as they will in the next few years. This is going to be a three-year project, not a quick fix.

It’s page one in the first chapter of the new coaches’ cliche manual, right after you call your fan base the best in America and your new job the best job in all of coaching. And it was how Jim McElwain, naturally, began his tenure as the head football coach at the University of Florida.

McElwain — who took over this spring after Florida fired hard-luck nice guy Will Muschamp — called his team “really insufficient” at one point, and summed it up with, “You’ve got to play the hand you’ve been dealt.”

The hand he was dealt: a program that has experienced double-digit wins exactly once since 2009 (in 2012, and that 11-win season was pretty deceiving), and one that has repeatedly found new ways to lose games both important and otherwise. The emblem of the Muschamp era was last year’s home loss to Missouri, when the Gators somehow lost 42-13 in spite of surrendering only 119 total yards to the Tigers offense.

All of which to say, nobody expected a great deal from the Gators coming into 2015. At one point a Florida fan I heard on a podcast described the ’15 Florida offensive line as “three guys off the street and, like, a couch or something.” With the schedule they were facing — that included crossover games with Ole Miss and LSU, as well as a Tennessee team on the rise and their annual trip to Jacksonville — simply moving on from the Muschamp era would be acceptable.

Consider the Gators officially ahead of schedule. One week after a remarkable come-from-behind win against Tennessee — the Vols have made late losses their businesses this season — Florida surprised nearly everyone by crushing the third-ranked Rebels at Florida Field, 38-10, in front of an ESPN audience in prime time.

Yes, that’s the same Ole Miss that looked like the country’s best team in Week 3 when it shocked the college football universe by beating Alabama in Tuscaloosa.

The Gators, of course, have a long way to go before we send them on their way to Atlanta — this week’s trip Mizzou looks like a terrifying trap, and the Gators still have to travel to Baton Rouge and Jacksonville for their annual tilt with Georgia (who knows at this point?).

Still, in an SEC East that lacks a frontrunner with teeth, why not the Gators? The team that whipped Ole Miss Saturday looks like it can take the best from any team in the league.

And … then there’s Auburn

Not all surprises are good surprises (I am the father of a 9-month-old child, so I am familiar with the type of surprise that isn’t the best).

Which brings us to the Auburn Tigers. In the preseason, keen observers tabbed this year’s version of War Eagle as one with a potentially great offense, and one that should play well enough on defense (with Muschamp taking over coordinator duties) to propel them to national playoff contention.

Five weeks into the season, here’s what we have in Auburn: a 3-2 football team (0-2 in SEC play):

  • The 109th-ranked offense in the nation (5.3 yards per play).
  • The 92nd-ranked defense in the nation (5.6 yards per play).
  • A program that just dismissed its best offensive weapon (wide receiver Duke Williams, a clubhouse cancer who attempted to reenact a scene from “Roadhouse” on Saturday night).
  • A quarterback situation that’s such a mess head coach Gus Malzahn refuses to name one going into this week (a bye).

And the news gets better for Auburn: the Tigers get to travel to face an improved Kentucky team this Thursday … and then the following month takes place: at Arkansas, vs. Ole Miss, at Texas A&M, vs. Georgia. Two weeks after that, Alabama — recently resurrected from the dead — comes to Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Things will get uncomfortable, is what I’m saying.