Jameis Winston is heading your way, so hide your crab legs. At least that’s what a restaurant in Louisville decided to do. Well played, Louisville. Say, is Louisville still Conference USA? Big East? Oh, the ACC. Sounds good.

We’re officially four days away from the release of the first college football poll. Starting on October 28, we then have 40 days of chaos before they release the final playoff seedings on December 7th. I’m expecting 40 days of craziness, and boy am I looking forward to it.

terminusHow crazy could it get? Funny you asked, because Christopher Smith of SDS decided to document just how wild it could get. I enjoyed his Walking Dead comparison. I envision the selection committee as the group from Terminus, luring in college football fans from all over with the promise of unity. When we arrive to Terminus, we find Condoleeza Rice grilling up some human meat and Jeff Long carving up some guy’s leg. Damn you Jeff Long! You promised college football harmony, but gave us only death!

Speaking of Jeff Long, a hot discussion right now is whether or not an 0-16 in conference start for Bret Bielema through his first two seasons is acceptable. In most cases, the answer is an emphatic no, but then I remember the days of John L. Smith. How is there not a 30 for 30 underway on John L. Smith? Recent SEC coaches are quite boring in comparison. Here’s a fun fact for you: John L. Smith is NFL QB Alex Smith’s Uncle! The guy has done it all.

Alex Smith may not like his former coach Jim Harbaugh too much (who does?), but I’m considering starting a Kickstarter campaign to raise money to bring Harbaugh to the University of Florida. Sure he would probably drive Jeremy Foley insane, but he’d probably also win the SEC East in year 1, get into a shouting match with Nick Saban midfield after a game and give Butch Jones a noogie on national television. In other words, it’d be the best thing ever for the SEC.

If I had to rank coaching candidates with regards to how interesting and fun they would be to cover, I’d rank them as follows:

  1. Jim Harbaugh
  2. Bobby Petrino
  3. John L. Smith

The best part of a head coach opening at a school like Florida is that it opens up all kinds of fun debates between fans. Fans dig in their heels when it comes to debating whether a coach would leave one school to head to another. It’s a lateral move! You can build a powerhouse at [insert school name here]! He’s a Michigan Man!

Would there be anything more enjoyable than hearing reports of Jim Harbaugh heading back to college, but spurning Michigan and heading to the SEC? It would be like when John L. Smith was hired by his alma matter Weber State. After a few weeks of spring drills, John L. gave his alma matter the finger and headed to Arkansas to replace Bobby Petrino.

How many more times can we talk about John L. Smith today? I’ll try not to waste anymore of your time.

If you really want to kill a couple of hours of your day, go ahead and read the Treon Harris police report. Ever wonder what it was like for a police officer to try to get a college athlete with no sleep to explain a recent sexual encounter? Well, here’s your opportunity.

Is there a bigger loser out there than the guy who paid Todd Gurley for some autographs, shopped the incident to online publications, then now says he wants Gurley reinstated? He may or may not be related to John L. Smith.

Say you heard a noise in the middle of the night, you get up to check things out, and you find John L. Smith in your living room just looking at you. Is there anymore more terrifying? I’d choose Terminus over a John L. Smith one-on-one encounter. Regardless, the above video should be on repeat in the College Football Hall of Fame in Atlanta.

Taking a walk down memory lane with my boy John L made me think of other great coaching rants… The following from Les Miles is also an all-timer:

Of course, the famous Dennis Green “Crown their ass” rant might be best all time.

Enough fun for today. Enjoy your Saturday.