And I’ll repeat it: Randall Cobb is “The Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs of the SEC.” A lot of people asked me about this reference, mostly because Randall Cobb doesn’t have a clothing line. Yet. The truth is, Sean Combs wakes up every morning and cries because he isn’t Randall Cobb. He is the Blue Godzilla. In the words of Travis White, “What hasn’t been said about Randall Cobb that has been said about the American military?” The answer: Not much.

Randall Cobb has more weapons than some countries in the United Nations. They should call this kid The Arsenal. The Kentucky utility player does everything for Blue and White outside of driving the team bus. To put it bluntly, if yards were a currency, this kid would be a billionaire. And the question isn’t whether he will beat you; the question is how.

They call the best player in high school “Mr. Football.” Most of the time, these guys are pretty good. After Cobb finished his 1,765 yard, twenty two touchdown campaign in his senior season at Alcoa High School, he established himself as “King” of football. When Fat Phil Fulmer committed the ultimate Mea culpa and passed on the King, The Man they call “Uncle Mann” took his talents to the land of promise and prosperity: Kentucky.

The Legend grew in 2009, with Cobb putting up more numbers than a calculator with a stuck button. With 39 receptions good for 447 yards and four touchdowns, Cobb had more catches than an Alaskan fishing boat. On the ground, Cobb was unstoppable, rushing for 573 yards and ten touchdowns. Abe Lincoln talked about “Four scores and seven years,” Randall Cobb talked about twenty three scores in two. Randall ranked second in the SEC in touchdowns, seventh in scoring, fourth in all-purpose yardage, third in punt returns, and first in SEC coaches’ nightmares. All this was good enough to be named to the All-SEC First Team. None of this was good enough Randall, The Mann wanted more.

This season, the only thing bigger than the Legend of Cobb, is the Fanfare for Cobb. In the first three games of the 2010 campaign, Cobb has rushed for a touchdown, returned a punt for a touchdown, caught two, and threw for another.

As the Wildcats enter SEC play, #18 is not alone. The General, Mike Hartline, has been as close to perfect in 2010 as a man not named Tim Couch can get. The Locke is back, bringing with him 372 track star quick yards, and five touchdowns. He also has The Turtle, who destroys the body and spirit of all who dare stand in his way. The Leviathan, who eats live chickens and crushes grown men with ease. But above all the others is The Beast, J.J. Helton, who makes men weep and women swoon.

The Legend of Cobb is beginning the Third Act, and since Randall Cobb is the one holding the pen, I have a feeling that this great story is about to get a lot better.

I, Tyler Montell, will make a diary entry every Thursday night of the SEC football season talking about my weekend plans, and follow it up with a Sunday update on how the weekend wrapped up. This can only go well.

Week #1

Dear Diary-

This is actually week #2 of the season, but week #1 was sort of like syllabus day in college, it didn’t matter. Everyone played cupcake teams and won. Unless you are Ole Miss, in which case you lost to Jacksonville State. Unfortunately, this embarrassment pales in comparison to having an ESPN commercial made about how the chess team wants to replace Colonel Reb with a Star Trek character. Don’t. Don’t correct that. Star Wars whatever. I love chicken on a stick as much as anyone, but when you pride yourself on a 10 mph speed limit through the Square and all that Southern Hospitality and then the glee club gains national attention for their little push to make Admiral Ackbar the new face of Oxford, you’re doing something wrong. Fix it. Now. That commercial embarrassed all of us.

I’m sitting here watching this Auburn, Mississippi State game, and I just have to say: It feels great to have SEC football back on. And can I speak for everyone when I say Thank you Auburn for joining the rest of us in the 21st century by dropping Russell Athletic. Russell was cool for tee ball uniforms and Bo Jackson belly shirts but come on. That move to Click Clack U was a long time coming. And who knew it was Jenn Brown in that Metroid suit all these years?

Last weekend I was at the University of Louisville for the Battle of the Bluegrass. The biggest difference between a Big East and SEC Saturday is actually pretty subtle. Looks look at the similarities (And yes I’ve been to your school. No, you’re right, I’ve never been to Starkville, but only because it is a third world country). Bud Light? Check. Obesity? Check. Fried foods: Check. Porter Potties? Yup. Cornhole? Of course. Biggest difference? Rap music. Good luck going to Tuscaloosa tailgate and hearing rap. Maybe at the SAE house that night, but definitely not at the tailgate. Brother Clark King would never hear of that. Alabama and Conway Twitty kind of party crowds.

One particular highlight for me was getting to spend some time with a local celebrity; Drew Franklin of KentuckySportsRadio.com. I’ve been a big fan of Drew, Matt Jones, and BTI for some time, and it was good to kick it with him for awhile, even as he was the second worst corn holer in the tournament we played in. This author was the only one worse, in fairness. All in all, it was a great weekend, and my roommate Taylor wore a Michael Jackson tribute tee shirt out the bar that night. My girlfriend wore my Titleist hat and called imaginary plays to random people and doing the robot. Fun night to say the least. Oh, and my boys Law Garcia and Dr. Cheese came in, and the good doctor puked at lunch Sunday. At a restaurant. Some guys just can’t handle Da Ville.

I’m putting on the finishing touches on this weekend, and it promises to be a beauty. Tomorrow night I am headed to a high school football game to see All-SDS high school quarterback Branden Cresap in person. Saturday morning, Bob Marley and I are rolling down to Lex Vegas for a little Blue magic. Lexington is my second home, and any time I can get away from the law books and get west bound and down, it’s a good weekend. Price McClean is bringing me into his family’s luxury box Saturday night, so there is much to look forward to. Talk Sunday. Follow me on Twitter @wtmontell and we will have some great little updates for you. Trust me. Talk to you Sunday.

XOXO

Tyler

Like him or hate him, you know Gregg Doyel. He is the writer at CBSSports.com that pisses people off. Pisses them off so much that he receives Hate Mail and enjoys publishing the ridiculous comments. For your entertainment, check out this article about Les Miles over-signing recruits and then read this hate mail from LSU fans. As you can see by the parenthesis next to my name, I am not a LSU fan and I support the Cayuts of Kentucky. I like Gregg and his ability to tell it as it is. Isn’t that what writers are supposed to do?

Well, I had the opportunity to ask Gregg a few questions about the upcoming SEC football season and here is what he said – take it as unbaised truth:

Tyler Montell: Oregon Duck turned Ole Miss Rebel quarterback Jeremiah Masoli looks to make an impact in Oxford this fall. I heard all the frat houses are buying security systems. Do you think he will make more headlines on or off the field?

Gregg Doyel: Both. Whatever he does on the field — good or, hopefully, bad — will be a headline because of his lousy record off the field. It’s like an epitaph: His legacy will follow him everywhere, as well it should. That idiot. Given the spotlight on him I think he’ll stay out of trouble off the field, but I wouldn’t bet any money on it. Nor would I leave any money lying around that dude.

Tyler Montell: It seems like more and more stories are surfacing about agents crossing boundaries at big time college football programs. If you were a college coach at one of these programs, what would you do to protect your players?

Gregg Doyel: I’d talk to them weekly, or more often, but it wouldn’t work. Players can’t be protected from their own greed. Not all of them, anyway. Some of them, sure, they’ll get the message and they’ll do the right thing. But a few will succumb to the easy money. If that player were me, and my background was poor enough, I might succumb myself and hope nobody found out. Just being honest.

Tyler Montell: (Homer Alert) Is there a more exciting player in this league than Randall Cobb? What do you expect to see out of him this season? Ok, I’ll come out and say it: How will my Cats be this year?

Gregg Doyel: Randalll Cobb is awesome! Love a guy who can pass, catch, run, return, anything. He’ll be a must-follow in Sunday morning box scores if nothing else. No clue how the team will do, though. I’m awful at predictions, but I’d love to see Joker Phillips succeed.

Tyler Montell: Give me three SEC games that you are looking forward to this season.

Gregg Doyel: Any SEC games that don’t include Lane Kiffin. So, all of them.

Tyler Montell: I know you are a UF grad. Were there any SEC road trip weekends that stick out to you as especially memorable? Are there any campuses that you want to visit? And besides Starkville, are there any that you want to stay away from?

Gregg Doyel: Hahahaha I’ve never been to Mississippi State, Vanderbilt, LSU (!) or Arkansas, but I’ve been to the rest. Love the atmosphere everywhere in the SEC, but Alabama and Florida are especially memorable on game day. I need to get to LSU some day, ideally for a night game, ideally to watch Les Miles lose by 50.

Tyler Montell: I love reading your responses to the hate mail that you receive. Absolute comedy. What would you say is your “favorite” piece of hate mail? Any that made you sit back and say, “Yeah, you’re right?”

Gregg Doyel: One reader asked me to staple my head to the carpet. I thought that was interesting. I’m knocked back all the time by a smart reader who objects to a story in a smart way. It’s easy to discount the idiots who can’t make their subjects agree with their verbs. But when a smart guy tells me I’m wrong, well, I’ll consider it.

Tyler Montell: If you could fight any D-1 football coach, who would it be? And would he get you?

Gregg Doyel: Lane Kiffin would be the guy, but only if he was in shape. Only thing more embarrassing than losing a fight is winning a fight against an outmanned foe. No honor in that. So he’s the one, but only if he is in shape. Which I doubt. He looks soft and coddled. And how would he get me? That daddy’s boy better bring a sledge hammer.

Tyler Montell: Any truth to the rumors that Mark Whalberg based the hit show Entourage on your life? Surely you aren’t a Trueblood guy.

Gregg Doyel: I don’t watch much TV. I’m the anti-Simmons in lots of ways, including his infatuation with pop culture and his need to be seen as cool. Me, I don’t need people to think I’m cool. I AM cool, and if anyone doesn’t see it, f— ‘em.

As we journey together, hand in hand, through this year’s edition of The Men Beneath the Headsets: The Head Coaches of the SEC, we take a pit stop at the arm pit of America: Starkville, Mississippi. Now I know what you are thinking, “Wait a second, America is a country, not a human being, thus it has no armpit.” Smh. It is an expression, pal I just mean it smells bad. That’s all.

Anyway, it has been said that Mississippi State is the yard dog of the SEC, in that they always get kicked around. After they got rid of the Mustached One, Sly Croom, the powers that be in Starkville sought after a coach that could elevate their status to at least the Nicole Ritche of the league: no one takes you seriously, but at least they have heard of you.

That coach is Dan Mullen. Let me ask you a quick question for context. Do you remember the movie Animal House? Good. Do you remember that skinny kid and the fat kid that were the pledges in the movie? Right. The fat one, do you remember his nickname? That’s right, they called him, “Flounder.” Well, Dan Mullen looks like the love child of Flounder and Baby Huey.

Coach Mullen is a legend in his hometown of Manchester, New Hampshire, where he quarterbacked the Pioneers of Trinity High School to a state championship in 1988. Dan got caught up in some other coaching jobs that aren’t worth mentioning, but in 2004, Dan woke up one morning in Utah. In his pocket he found a business car that read: “Daniel Mullen, Quarterbacks Coach, Utah Utes.” Coach Dan worked for a little known coach named Urban, and helped develop the greatest scam in the history of the NFL draft: Alex Smith. After being banned from San Franscico and every other major NFL city, Dan was forced to follow Urban Meyer down to Gainesville to help coach the Gatas. Dan worked with Chris Leak and Timothy Tebow, and helped the young men prepare for wearing their national championship rings.

In 2009, Mullen led his bulldogs to a 5-7 record, which would be like a 10-2 record in Baton Rouge. Coach Dan brought in the #25 recruiting class in the country in his maiden voyage into the recruiting seas. In short, the future is bright in Starkville, and rightfully so. We here at SDS anxiously await watching the Bulldogs take the field for the first time during the 2011 Insight.com bowl. What a joyous day that will be.