10 Reasons Why Georgia Will Lose To Kentucky

Geaorgia Bulldogs Prediction Against Kentucky Wildcats Football

Geaorgia Bulldogs Prediction Against Kentucky Wildcats Football

Kentucky Will Beat Georgia

Well well well, look who came crawling back. I know what you said last week. Don’t play dumb, Joebin. Remember? You read my preseason predictions for Kentucky and then you mumbled something under your breath. Need me to refresh your memory? How about, “I disagree with the assessment that Kentucky will defeat Georgia next season when they play against each other in a football game.” Remember that? You said it plain as day, and it hurt. No, don’t even start to apologize, the damage is done. I’m over it. I just know who my real friends are.

All things considered, the people of Georgia have overcome many challenges, like illiteracy, scurvy, and the movie ATL, to get to where they are today. It is truly inspiring that a group of people can rise up, unite as one, and come together to support a group of hard working, intelligent young men: the Georgia Tech football team.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Georgia. I think it’s a beautiful country, and I’m as happy as the next guy that they finally got away from mother Russia. It’s the University (sic) of Georgia football team that really gets under my skin. If you disagree with me, fine. You have every right to be wrong. But if you won’t listen to me, maybe you will listen to the top ten facts that support my conclusion that the Cats will rise again this fall:

10. Mark Richt isn’t the “Slick Leonard” y’all think he is.

Yes. Mark Richt sure does seem like a great guy, reading books and stuff. But do you know where he played college ball? That’s right. I know your dirty little secret: Mark Richt played football at the U in the 80’s. “Marky Mark,” as he was known back then, was the second string quarterback behind Jim “Wild Man” Kelly. Several former teammates reportedly referred to Richt as a “swell guy.” I don’t know about you, but when a 1980’s Miami Hurricane refers to someone as a “swell guy,” my hands start sweating. His Starter jacket wearing past will catch up to him, “Mark” my words. No pun intended.

9. Who is A.J. Green?

People always refer to this guy AJ Green. Allegedly he plays football for UGA. I watched the UK UGA game last year, and I don’t remember seeing him. I think people are mistakenly referring to A.C. Green, the basketball player. While A.C. Green was a really good player, he retired a long time ago, and he isn’t relevant at all in this conversation.

8. Joker Phillips has a good plan.

As you well know, Joker “Don’t call me funny” Phillips is the new coach for Kentucky. He allegedly turned down the Southern Cal job to stay at Kentucky, which really ended up being a good decision. When he was named the head coach in Lexington, Coach Phillips made a good move by simplifying his game plan to “Operation Win.” A lot of teams get a little too caught up in offensive plays and defensive schemes, but Joker’s approach is genius in its simplicity: Win. Between this, and calls from Snoop Dogg wanting to reminisce about old times, Richt could have a lot of sleepless nights this fall.

7. Georgia fans are too rational to pump their team up too much.

It is perfectly reasonable to dislike people that think visors are cool. And honestly, he’s right, the white based coat gets colors to stick better. No harm, no foul. Georgia fans are the salt of the earth, and definitely a little too “normal” for my liking.

6. Aaron Murray is dangerous.

I know what you Georgia fans are thinking: “Of course he is dangerous, he has the ability to put some points up on that board.” But that’s not what I mean. ESPN.com said that young Aaron was a bit of a “gunslinger,” which obviously sends up more than a few red flags. With all the trouble the Tennessee football and basketball program went through last year, you should be concerned about this. If you want to see your future, my Dawgs, just Google “Gilbert Arenas.” There is no room in the college game for guns and violence, leave those to the video games where they belong.

5. Michael “Mike” Hartline and Morgan “Morgan” Newton are quarterbacks.

And by quarterbacks, I mean UK quarterbacks, and they are good. In case you missed it, Mike was in the middle of dismantling the Chickens of South Carolina last season before he hurt his knee. Morgan Newton, and Will “The Hillbilly Rockstar” Fidler filled in for the fallen star, and led the Cayuts to a big victory over Auburn. These two young men have only gotten better for this campaign.

On a personal note, Mike and I are buddies, and he once hit a window on a house with a golf ball from 190 yards away. With a pitching wedge. He had the accuracy to hit the window, but just the right touch not to break it. He hit the window with such a firm softness, the sweet old lady that lived in the house came out just to shake his hand. Oh, and my younger brother is good friends with Morgan and he said that young man eats a lot of food. Uh oh Dawgs, I he- I hea- I heaaa- It sounds like trouble.

4. Randall Cobb.

Randall Cobb’s back is reportedly still giving him trouble after being forced to carry his entire team for an entire season last year. Just like asking Damon “Red Panties” Evans, “What were you thinking???” There does not seem to be any answer on how anyone can stop Randall Cobb.

3. Commonwealth Stadium is not in Georgia.

Bad news. All around great guys Dontavius Jackson and Tavarres King did their best Lindsey Lohan impersonation last weekend and got into a whole heap of trouble. Apparently, leaving the scene of an accident at 2:30 in the morning is frowned on in Athens. Unfortunately for these guys, Lexington is in Kentucky, and their new ankle accessories will be beeping too loud in the huddle to even hear the plays.

Taylor Wyndham and JJ Helton

Taylor Wyndham & JJ Helton

2. Taylor Wyndham and JJ Helton are beasts.

You may recall Taylor Wyndham, he is the young man that hit Tim Tebow so hard that poor Timmy was crying like a school girl in the back of that John Deer Gator. Taylor reportedly spent the summer taking classes at Jay Z’s School of Hard Knocks, so look for young Taylor to deliver some hurt to the star of the new Disney Channel show “Hey Look Guys, I am the UGA Quarterback! The Musical.”

J.J. Helton is the long snapper for the Wildcat team, and thank heavens the Coaches had enough sense to keep him there. He is such a ferocious and uncontrollable beast that he would assuredly be convicted of numerous capital crimes if he was left on the field for more time. Sources tell me that the Kentucky weight training staff received quite the tongue lashing from J.J. for not ordering enough weight for his bicep curls. I don’t like Georgia much, but you better believe I’ll be praying for their safety if this monster gets let off his leash.

1. It’s the homecoming game, baby!

The players will be fired up all week just thinking about all the alumni parents of frat bros and sorority girls coming to visit campus for Homecoming weekend. The boys in blue will assuredly benefit from the pep rally across town as they play Spades and watch movies on demand in their hotel rooms. If anything, this is probably an advantage to the Georgia guys, because the Wildcats will be too nervous about the crowning of homecoming King and Queen to even focus on the game.

The real truth is that we all know that the people with authority (the decision makers in the athletic department) schedule pansies for their homecoming football games. They want the victory to keep the parties going for the students and make the alumni happy so they give large donations. Well this year, Kentucky selected the Georgia Bullgirls for the homecoming game. What does that say to you about them? I hope they are prepared to get slapped in the face. Let’s get the homecoming celebrations going!

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COMMENTS

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  • lol….who is this guy?

  • Georgia’s meltdown against Kentucky in 2009 drove the final nail into Willie Martinez’s coffin. Now Georgia is poised to improve greatly in 2010, especially on the defensive side of the ball. But there will be hiccups, and Georgia will drop a few games this season, probably 2-3. Kentucky could certainly be one of them, although I would advise Kentucky fans should not start marking their game against the Bulldogs as a guaranteed win each season.

  • Tyler – this is the worst analysis I have ever read. Joker Phillips has a plan… win. I’m speechless.

  • Atldawg- I’m speechless at your analysis.

  • Kentucky couldn’t beat Agnes Scott Women’s College on a regular basis.How many times have they beat The Dawgs in the last 30 years? The offensive line will dominate anything Kentucky brings to the game this year.As far as the comment about Kentucky knocking Tebow on his butt no big deal.Kentucky will be lucky to win 4 or 5 games this year.Who in the heck would want to live in kentucky? Go Dawgs!!

  • I’ve look all over for the Agnes Scott Women’s College football schedule, and can’t find it. Are they pretty competitive?

  • I’ve actually been to Agnes Scott Women’s College (for an afternoon) and some of those chicks looked like they could really throw their…weight…around.

  • Classic satire.

  • As a Kentucky fan, this is embarrassing. I feel less intelligent having read this mindless nonsense of someone who clearly knows very little about sports and thinks they are far more humorous than they actually are.

    Can the Cats beat UGA in the fall? Yes, it is possible, but before you go around running your mouth, come up with some real reasons why they can, instead of making the entire Kentucky fan base look idealist morons.

  • Cat Fan- Clearly you are missing the point. This is a joke. If you want to spend a few hours arguing about what 18-21 year olds will or won’t do three months from now on a football field, I’m worried. So relax Billy Madison (nice not so subtle reference), realize that this is entertainment, and treat it as such. If you can’t, then go to another site. By the way- at least I used my real name.

  • Thanks for the laugh. Can you please go back and tell me the last time UK beat UGA in consecutive years? That is right never. When was the last time UK was consistent in football? That is right never. You have Cobb – but who else? That is right no one. UGA’s entire offense is coming back except the weak link in Joe Cox. That automatically gives +15 in the turnover column. Add to that a much improved and much more aggressive defense and you will be lucky to be in the game at all. Add in that our safeties will be head hunting this year….I don’t see you being a big threat. It will be easy to motivate UGA for this game unlike last year.

    You guys better hope you can handle Vandy and UT. Don’t worry about the other 10 losses you will have.

  • UK will not beat UGA in 2010. It’s quite possible UK might not win in Athens for another 32 years. Cats snicker at the thought of UGA in basketball and we know our role in that sport to UK. It is a role reversal in football. Don’t confuse 2009 as some sort of power shift with UK raising above UGA in football. It will never happen son. UK is a traditional bottom feeder in football. You need to understand your role. You will continue to bat .100 or .200 against UGA every decade. That is Kentucky football.

  • I agree. Jawja’s chances in this game are about is a strong as UGA VII’s heart.

  • UGA fans really have no reason to talk smack, UK almost took you guys 3 out of 4 years. UGA will have the offense to do some damage, but UGA needed a miracle 2 years ago to win in Lexington against an equally (un)talented UK team. UGA football fans are like UK basketball fans were under Billy Gillispie, they don’t realize that there team isn’t great anymore, but still run their mouths.

  • These Georgia fans are ridiculous… UGA is lucky not to be 0-4 against UK in the last 4 years. We know our role against UF, UT and even USCjr… but Georgia is a team that we are not intimidated by because of their lack of a quality coach…

    BTW, Georgia is even less competitive against UK in basketball than UK is against UGA in football…

  • Wait uga fans? The only thing you guys have competed in is gymnastics… I hear you get more fans there then basketball or baseball.. Is it just me or does it seem like for awhile now you brag about your football team but you havnt been anywhere close to actually doing anything football the past few years. Plus want can you brag about? You have like 2 championships in your main sport… Princton has more than that so I would not consider your team prestigous. Just go back and wear your red panties after getting pulled over at 2:30.. You guys certainly have them in a wad! Boom

  • Can you uga fans just stop about football.. Face reality you guys have barely been ranked for 5 years now… In fact in those years uk has risen to #9 in that span which is just about how far you’ve gone.. Now go back and worship that stupid bulldog like it’s life

  • Top Reason Why 99% of Sports Fans Seem Really, Really Stupid: comment sections

  • Somebody give Joe Cox another year of eligibility

  • I love this lol. Why cant people see the humor in this article? I love it. Gotta get more reading material like this. I say if you cant see the humer in this, theres a good chance you were bullied in high school.

  • Nice Tyler. You keep this up and you could be writing for KSR. Funny stuff.

  • I bet your a virgin. The comment that you made about this being a joke is very true. You too are a joke. I’m pissed that I wasted my time reading your stupid words.

  • Do your parents know you are using the internet?

  • Well at least the game is in lexington this year, not sure if I could stand getting arrested in Athens for wearing a UK shirt two years in a row. horrible city

  • Oh and really funny article Tyler, keep up the good work

  • Tyler…you should do stand up! You’re hilarious! Really funny! I’m serious! Little did I know the last time I commented on how out of your mind you were that you had your own blog…good for you! Now, as for your reasoning of why UK will win their homecoming game this year…I’m sorry but that’s just not going to happen. It wont be the first time UGA’s beat you guys on your homecoming and it more than likely wont be the last. Unfortunately, that’s just the way your schedule works….I’m not saying that UK will be a cake walk by any means, but I just don’t see it happening. Good luck this year though! I do think UK will have a decent year and should finish ahead of UT and Vandy in the East. And possibly USC too….buy probably not.

    Oh by the way…you’ll find out exactly who A.J. Green is this year pal, T. King will show out in Lex, Ealey & C. King and our big boys up front will leave a rut in the earth from all the grinding they do on your turf, and I wouldn’t be throwing too many stones in that glass house in Lexington either. It must have slipped your mind who your Basketball coach is and the path of destruction he’s left behind him. It’s only a matter of time….

  • uk will beat uga and win the east.

  • I’m sorry…you were saying?

  • 44-31 Hope you had a happy homecoming