Bob Stoops: The World’s Worst Myth Buster

I’m concerned about Bob Stoops.

He’s saying crazy things.

A major threat to any person of power is getting to that point where you are so powerful and so in control that people don’t tell you when you are making an ass of yourself. Nobody has the clout or the balls to check you. Instead, you are surrounded by sycophantic yes-men who make you believe that your crazy talk is not only logical but brilliant and needs to be said in public.  Bob Stoops has clearly reached that point.

Stoops doesn’t want you to believe the “propaganda” the media is pushing, telling you that the SEC is the best conference in college football. He’s decided to be the brave voice who finally gathers the courage to speak about this up against this injustice.

Stoops, attending his own Oklahoma football propaganda event called the Sooners Caravan at OU-Tulsa, needed to go public with his brilliant theory, and who is a better audience than a room full of adults who paid $30 and children who paid $15 just to be in his presence?  As the Tulsa World reported, Stoops told a Sooner obsessed crowd, “So they’ve had the best team in college football. They haven’t had the whole conference. Because, again, half of ’em haven’t done much at all. I’m just asking you. You tell me.”

There is no gap between the SEC and the rest of college football according to Stoops. “Well, it depends on what gap you’re talking about,” Stoops said. “What are the bottom six doing?”

Because, you know, that’s how sane people judge things.

For example the media will call the Miami Heat the best team in basketball. They’ll point to Lebron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. But if you look closer you’ll notice that Joel Anthony averaged .4 points per game! Rashard Lewis only played in 5 games! How can a team that has Joel Anthony and Rashard Lewis on it possibly claim to be the best team in basketball! Top-to-bottom, people! Myth Busted!

If you are the kind of clown who believes propaganda you might believe that Tom Hanks is a great actor. You’re more than smart enough to figure it out. You could look at “Forrest Gump,” “Philadelphia,” “Cast Away,” “Apollo 13,” “Big,” or “Splash,” or you could look at a little pile of dog crap called “The Ladykillers”. Tom Hanks is top-heavy. Myth Busted!

Hollywood elitists will tell you that the Coen Brothers are amazing filmmakers. Sure, “No Country For Old Men,” “The Big Lebowski,” “Fargo,” and “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” are all amazing films, but how can you say they are great when on their resume is a little pile of dog crap called “The Ladykillers?!?!?!?!?” The Coen Brothers cast Marlon Wayans in a movie. Marlon Wayans! Myth Busted!

Because that is how we determine greatness. We look straight to the bottom. Stoops style.

You can’t look at stuff like rankings because those only the rank the top 25. What about the bottom? Ignore Alabama, Georgia, Texas A&M, South Carolina, Florida and LSU. Look at Vanderbilt! Oh, wait, they went 9-4 and won a bowl game and finished in the top 25… Ignore them!

Look to the bottom. Keep going past Ole Miss who won a bowl game, past Auburn who won a National Championship three years ago… Kentucky! Look at Kentucky! Kentucky is terrible. They went 0-8 in the SEC. They are a pathetic excuse for a football team. I feel bad for the poor bastard who has to coach that program. Who is coaching that program these days? Oh, it’s Mark Stoops… Oh… Well, then. At Christmas next year I’m sure Mark will love hearing Bob’s little theory about how overrated the SEC is after he plays Florida, South Carolina, Alabama, and Georgia next season.

Big Game Bob hopes you keep your focus at the bottom on the pack in the SEC regular season. Don’t pay attention to bowl results. Ignore that the only time Oklahoma played an SEC team last season, Texas A&M, when they got smoked to the tune of 41-13. A&M tossed up 633 total yards on Bob Stoops’ defense. Ole Miss, one of those bottom six SEC teams, only gave up 481 total yards to A&M.

Ignore that Oklahoma played Notre Dame at home and lost 30-13, but when Alabama played Notre Dame on a neutral site, Alabama won 42-14.

Ignore National Champions.

Ignore the NFL. As the Tulsa World astutely points out, “as far as that bloated NFL Draft number – one-quarter of the total players drafted last week were from the SEC – it’s much the same way: 46 of the 63 came from the top half of the league. The other seven schools produced just 17 draft picks.” The bottom seven schools only produced 17 draft picks… only five fewer than the entire Big 12.

I wonder if Stoops started to second guess his hypothesis after Charlie Weis piped off in his support?  As offensive coordinator at Florida, Weis managed to lead the Gators to a 3-5 record in the SEC. As first year head coach at Kansas he lead the Jayhawks to a season opening win over San Diego State University before losing every other game. 0-9 in conference. He knows how to be terrible in both conferences.

Weis told, I’m just sayin’, you look at the bottom of our league and the bottom of their league, just going based off the numbers, there’s validity in what he said.”

We are looking at the bottom of your league, Charlie. I’m just sayin’, you’re kind of hard to miss.

The most insane part of Stoops marching out as the debunker of the SEC Myth is that Oklahoma’s miserable resume against the SEC over the past decade is one of the biggest reasons why the SEC is so hyped. In 2003, LSU beat favored Oklahoma 21-14 to win the BCS National Championship. In 2008, Tim Tebow and Florida shut down the vaunted Oklahoma offense to win the BCS National Championship. And last year Texas A&M and Johnny Football demolished Oklahoma 41-13 in Dallas. Without Bob Stoops and Ohio State, I’m not sure the SEC Myth even exists.

Without Bob Stoops continually throwing up incredible regular seasons against Big 12 teams only to see embarrassing bowl losses to teams from other conferences, the Big 12 likely wouldn’t have the reputation of a second rate conference.

I question the mental state of Bob Stoops. How can a man with such a pathetic record in huge games against SEC teams possibly believe he should be the leader of the SEC Myth Busting Crusade?

I think he’s buying into the Bob Stoops Myth.