The world of in-home entertainment with high-definition TV and a multitude of ways to follow sports online has never been better.

Why fight standstill traffic, belligerent drunks and $20 parking when you can catch every game from your couch while you and your significant other enjoy appropriately-priced food and beverages without having to wait in line?

Motivated (desperate?) to keep stadium revenue from nosediving, college and NFL football teams are finding creative ways to incentivize fans.

Combatting near-constant local blackouts, the Jacksonville Jaguars took out 9,500 end zone seats and replaced them with 16 cabanas. The Jags also decided to display a constant stream of NFL RedZone so fans can keep up with action around the league.

Earlier this week, the Miami Dolphins announced they’ll install “living rooms” as part of a $400 million renovation to Sun Life Stadium that will reduce capacity by more than 10,000.

UCF is installing a 10,000 square foot beach bar in the middle of Bright House Networks Stadium. (Apparently it’s uncool to have a stadium in Florida and not do something exotic.)

So that got us thinking. What creative renovations could the SEC programs make to their stadiums?

(Side note: Try not to read these with a straight face. These aren’t meant to be taken seriously. For those of you without a sense of humor.)

Alabama

Do you live in or near Tuscaloosa and have excavating experience? We need you. It’s going to be tough to make a three below-ground amphitheaters beneath Bryant-Denny in time for the fall, but that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

Going forward, all Tide fans must proceed immediately to “The Process, Step 1,” which actually is the third sub-floor. There, fans will catch a 10-minute required video from Nick Saban educating fans on proper game etiquette. (Don’t cheer loudly when Alabama’s offense is lining up to call plays, no bathroom or concession breaks unless it’s halftime or a commercial…)

Up one floor, “The (Pregame) Process” will continue with an exhibit meant to brainwash, demonizing people like Urban Meyer, Gus Malzahn, Les Miles, NFL agents and any non-Alabama player taller than 6-foot. (Saban asked us to include that detail. We don’t get why, but we didn’t ask questions.)

Finally, the top underground floor is actually the stadium’s seating, which we’ll make retractable. Instead of a field, the below-ground version will feature an expanded version of the Bear Bryant Museum. Fans will watch a short video of Bryant, then, just in time for kickoff, the entire floor will lift into the stadium courtesy of giant hydraulics. (Wait, that Bryant video is already a thing?)

ARKANSAS

In a nod to Bret Bielema, we’re lifting federal and local restrictions on gambling and installing a casino in the middle of Donald W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium.

We’re talking craps, slot machines (jackpot: three giant hog heads) and cocktail waitresses that all look like Bielema’s wife.

Oh, and those sleazeballs always hanging around the dark corner of our lounge? Those are definitely illegal bookies, wink wink definitely not bookies. At all.

Florida

We’re dropping a huge live gator pit into the Swamp. Specifically, visiting players and coaches are going to have to walk across a low-slung, wobbly wooden bridge dangerously close to the just-hungry-enough-to-avoid-animal-cruelty gators (sorry, PETA) to get on the field. Something like this.

The “gator bait” chant will be a bit more intimidating when it’s a potential reality.

Kentucky

You know that giant banner of Steve Spurrier that hangs outside Williams-Brice Stadium? We’re making a replica, only larger and of UK basketball coach John Calipari, and plastering it to the side of Commonwealth Stadium.

Maybe a few wayward Wildcats fans will get confused and think a basketball game is taking place.

We were going to institute a rule requiring one UK hoops player to participate in at least one offensive series per game. But even with the tip of the cap to Coach Cal outside the stadium, no way in hell is he letting one of his prized one-and-dones get hurt on the gridiron.

So instead, to liven things up, we’ll build a basketball court inside the stadium so fans can play pickup games while watching football. Then force allow Mark Stoops to choose one fan per game from the designated section to try out for the team in the fourth quarter once the game is out of hand.

LSU

Death Valley already provides one of the most intimidating road environments in all of American sports. Why not up the ante?

Mike the Tiger, at least the current one, seems stubborn. He didn’t want to get into his travel cage, so he went noticeably absent from LSU games. So we’re planting his environment between the visitor’s locker room and the field. It seems like a good way to aggravate a large predator.

Next, we’re replacing the Gatorade with gumbo, at least on the visitor’s bench. Speaking of which, Tigers fans seem to have no problem procuring some liquid boldness before games in Baton Rouge, particularly at night. But we’re taking it a step further and planting a bar right behind the visitors, even if we have to tinker with a few regulations.

Mississippi State

Davis Wade Stadium already is the prime entertainment destination in Starkville on the weekends. The cowbells are great, and Dak Prescott is coming back to play another season. Bulldogs fans are passionate.

But we’re going to make Davis Wade and “Stark Vegas” into even more of a destination on game days, installing a trampoline park outside the stadium and a movie theater inside it. We’re open to other last-minute suggestions here. We want to find a way to get ticket revenue from every resident that lives close to Starkville.

South Carolina

The band may not be happy with us, but we’re relocating their section. Instead, we’re plopping a giant chicken coop right behind the visitor’s bench. Hundreds of squawking/clucking chickens molting feathers and … performing other bodily functions.

Surely the smell and the noise will be enough to distract opponents, at least true freshmen still adjusting to the SEC. Plus, can you imagine Steve Spurrier delightfully crediting the chickens after a game?

Vanderbilt

We’re dropping a library right behind the end zone. (Hey, those brilliant nerds have to find some way to get in some studying while waiting all Saturday for the Commodores to maybe score a touchdown!)

The acting librarian may even get confused and try to hush the visiting players when they score. Goodness knows he or she probably won’t need to quiet the crowd.

Your turn. What ideas did we miss?