President Gump

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Garble, garble, garble go tigahs. Garble, garble, garble gumbo.
These are average quarterbacks. Only at Alabama and under the leadership of Nick Saban, the greatest coach in Crimson Tide history could guys like Brennan and Johnson succeed. Under Coach YawYaw? No. Under Whiteboots, these two will remain what they've already become....Soft. One can't complete third downs and the other has passes that hang in the air so long, they become legit 50/50 balls. And the best part? Well both will be on there backs all season long, wondering why the sky is blue, because that offensive line is straight up trash. A great coach and coordinator can do things with quarterbacks like this but a coach like Farmer Fran and the guy he hired? No. There's gonna be a whole lotta pointing and laughing at this offense.
Phil Steele doesn't follow LSU, now does he. There's so much wrong with this team, it's hard to know where to begin so I guess we'll just start at the top. Coach Whiteboots. Barely scratch the surface and you'll see he's not much different than the scummy "Michigan man" he replaced. Just as stupid, just as inarticulate and just as morally flexible. They're both really bad X's and O's coaches and they're both utterly lost on game day. They say LSU will go only as far as its assistants and that's true. So about those assistants. Neither has any experience that matters and unlike Brady** and Aranda, both were hired by Whiteboots himself. And no, YawYaw didn't want Brady. It's common knowledge Enzminguh had to cram Brady down Farmer Fran's gullet. Dacoacheaux hired him under great duress and everyone knows this. When left to his own devices, this is what Coach Whiteboots coughs up. Bolini, followed by a couple of bookends who have no experience that matters. Two bottom of the barrel guys, who were just glad to be in the barrel, especially your defensive coordinator. If there was ever an "I'll take what I can get" hire, it's this guy. And the roster, oh Lawd the roster. Two very average, milquetoast quarterbacks duking it for who gets to be on his back all season making funny shapes out of white, fluffy clouds. Because we all know that offensive line is straight up garbage. Your best lineman (Deculus) is so undraftable and has been at LSU so long now, he could draw retirement. Your running backs are soft and you have only one decent receiver. But what about Stingley? LSU's shining light. The only thing you really have to cling to. None of you believe he finishes the season do you? You can't possibly believe he'll be around for the Alabama game, can you? No, of course you don't believe that. DBU. Might as well be long snapper U for all the good it does you. The maws of pain are in your future.
Good choices. An overrated cornerback who lifted is tail and submitted to Davonta Smith and an offensive lineman who's been at LSU so long now, he could draw retirement. Is this as good as it gets in Red Stick? You don't have to answer that. All this Stingley love. How quickly will it turn to bile and vomit when he bails before the Alabama game? Because you know it's coming. You just know it is. Anyway. Garble, garble, garble, go tigahs, garble, garble, garble.
Boutte is ok I guess but how bad are the guys behind him that Stingley may go to offense? You don't have to answer that. Is this a "lesson learned" sorta thing? Did Devonte Smith climb so deeply inside young Stingley's head that now he wants to catch balls instead of bat them down? You don't have to answer that one either. Anyway, Stingley Senior may be Junior's father but we all know who his Daddy is, now don't we.
A kicker isn't saving Coach Whiteboots from what's coming. LSU's sporting a garbage offensive line, soft running backs, one decent receiver, two milquetoast quarterbacks, coordinators no one else wanted and a mentally lazy headcoach. But yeah, a kicker's gonna matter. The maws of pain people. The maws of pain.
Lawd have mercy! Even with Dare Rosenthal, this is a garbage offensive line. Without him? Well now this bunch couldn't slow a toddler on a tricycle. As each season passes, it becomes more and more evident Dacoacheaux is the trashy, bayou version of Les Miles. Lousy recruiter where it matters most and mentally soft on game day. Nothing ever changes all that much in Redstick.
It really sucks for LSU to now be a baseball school in a football conference. Especially when you consider baseball at LSU has really slid into mediocrity. Sure, they're better at a sport that no one watches than Alabama but that's not saying much. In fact, it's not saying anything at all. But really though, this is how far LSU has fallen. They glom onto a sport like baseball that generally doesn't generate revenue at most colleges and only barely generates it at LSU. And to make matters worse, baseball now sucks in Baton Rouge. Imagine pulling for a sport that no one watches, no one cares about and doesn't really make money. Sounds rough but it gets worse. This bunch has been further reduced to celebrating the hire of a women's basketball coach. When Kim Mulkey was hired, the purple and yellow celebrated as if they got Nick Saban back. It was weird to see these folks lose their chit over a woman's basketball coach but if that's all you got, then that's all you got. Personally, I would rather watch Olympic Curling than the comedy of women's basketball. In fact, I would rather watch wheelchair basketball than women's basketball. Reauxll Tide Ladies and Gentlemen.
Anything to keep young Stingley from bailing before November. Because we all know it's coming. No one believes this guy finishes out the season do they? That just isn't the LSU way. "Opting out", quitting, feigning and injury. This is how LSU rolls. This is LSU's culture. By the time Alabama rolls around, Stingley will have an agent and his own brand of bottled water.
Ok, let us take an inventory, shall we. Two milquetoast quarterbacks. One who can only complete 60% of his passes and can't convert 3rd downs and another who can only complete 59% of his passes and can't throw a deep ball. I can promise you, Nick Saban will be happy with either. Moving on. LSU is bringing back the same garbage offensive line they had last year. The only difference is they replaced one lousy offensive line coach for another. Nick Saban approves. Coach Whiteboots is now left to his own devices and hired a guy to coach the offense who has never done anything that matters in college football. But because Joe Brady said do it, Coach Yawyaw does. Remember the last time Dacoacheaux was set up with someone's buddy? Sure you do. Pete Carrol wanted to help out an old chum, so he dumped Bolini on Whiteboots and the rest his history. When left to himself, Farmer Fran makes really bad decisions. That's why you have the coaching staff you have now. Had Dacoacheaux had it his way, you would've never had Brady. Inzminguh had to beg him to hire Brady and Alleva had to force it. I could go on. Really I could. There's so much wrong with this offense. Talk amongst yourselves about how soft the running game is and how LSU has only one good receiver and no experienced depth. I'll leave you to it. The maws of pain are in your future. This is a soft football team with an incompetent coaching staff.
Awful lotta money for another lousy offensive line coach. The guy was terrible at Arkansas. But that's the Whiteboots way now ain't it. When left to his own devices, this is what Dacoacheaux does. Just take a gander at these coordinators he hired. Those guys have disaster written all over them and before you folks start desperately clinging to the Brady hire, don't forget this one salient fact. Inzminguh had to practically beg Coach Whiteboots to hire him and Alleva had to force it. This is a well known fact down in Red stick. Everyone worth having on the LSU staff? Well they were hired by someone else or in the case of Brady, crammed down Yawyaw's throat. The good news? Well at least the new guy checks those woke, "diverse" boxes that are oh so important to LSU nowadays.
Louisianians love their home state boys, no matter how bad they are. Just look at Coach Whiteboots. Whenever this bunch gets mad at him, all he has to do is his best Farmer Fran impersonation and all is forgiven. Well Brad Davis is just such a coach. Bad at his job but because he's from Red Stick, he's automatically better than Cregg and will automatically coach better than he did at Arkansas, despite the fact that Arkansas has had some really soft offensive lines under this guy. Nick Saban, the head football coach for the Alabama Crimson Tide approves of this hire. I'm waiting for Dacoacheaux to make an off season hire that isn't good for Alabama. Let me know when that happens and I'll give a slow clap.
LSU's a desperate and dirty program. It's a boil that needs to be lanced. Cregg, with (Dacoacheaux's blessing) committed one recruiting violation after another and this is why the guy was fired two days before their offensive line camp, where they will be hosting two 5 star and a 4 star recruit. This season's gonna go real hard on the purple and yellow.
You all know this guy's gonna find a reason to bail this season, don't you? I mean none of you expect him to be around once October gets here, right? I wonder though. Will he get the same love you people coughed up for Ja'Quitter? Remember, remember the 6th of November.
Oh the sadness. Once again, the LSU fanbase has been reduced to crowing over the most pathetic things and cheering on the most incompetent people. Just sit with this for a moment. Scott Woodward is paying a someone almost 3 million dollars a year to coach a non-revenue sport that no one cares about and is also the very worst sport on every college campus in this country. Have any of you ever actually watched Women's basketball? Yeah, I thought not. Well trust me on this people. You'd rather watch wheelchair basketball than watch a bunch of awkwardly built women clutz and fumble all over a basketball court. It's sad what LSU athletics has become and what this fanbase pathetically celebrates.
Matt Hayes says this. "Myles Brennan, LSU: Let’s not forget how good Brennan looked before the injury. He was setting up a monster season". It's as though this guy doesn't watch football at all. The very game where Brennan went down in the final seconds, is the same game where he couldn't convert a single third down and the same game where he lost to a Missouri team that was playing with the talent equivalent of LSU's scout team. No my man. He wasn't setting up to have a "monster season".
Either one's good for Alabama but really, there's no "quarterback battle" at LSU. The job belongs to Myles Brennan. The Johnson kid has a garbage deep ball and his passes hang in the air like a white, fluffy cloud. How milquetoast though is Max Johnson that he won't beat out a guy who can't convert third downs and can only complete sixty percent of his passes? And speaking of a sixty percent completion percentage, LSU is back to being a decade behind. Completing sixty percent of your passes back in 2010 was terrific but now? Eh, not so much, pretty lousy actually. Anyhoo, I like my choices in LSU's quarterback situation. For different reasons, neither can beat Alabama. Oh and by the by. Have you folks heard? Nick Saban, the head football coach for the Alabama Crimson Tide won't shut up about how well Bryce Young is doing and we all know "the man" doesn't gush over anybody unless they're the real deal. Remember, remember the month of November.
Tick tock people. This season’s gonna go real hard on you folks. An incompetent, yatty, whitetrash head coach. A team that doesn’t respect him and two bottom of the barrel coordinators, who were just glad to be in the barrel. Can it be any more evident that no one worth having wants to work for this guy? Just look at the assistant staff. This entire bunch from the head coach on down belongs at the JUCO or division II level. I can tell you now. I speak for the entire Alabama fanbase when I say we hope Coach Whiteboots never gets fired from LSU. Having this guy around is worth a “once in a decade” loss.
Tick tock people. This season's gonna go real hard on you folks. An incompetent, yatty, whitetrash head coach. A team that doesn't respect him and two bottom of the barrel coordinators, who were just glad to be in the barrel. Can it be any more evident that no one worth having wants to work for this guy? Just look at the assistant staff. This entire bunch from the head coach on down belongs at the JUCO or division II level. I can tell you now. I speak for the entire Alabama fanbase when I say we hope Coach Whiteboots never gets fired from LSU. Having this guy around is worth a "once in a decade" loss.
This is the karmic sell out that has to happen to beat Alabama and win a National Championship. Auburn knows this all to well. After they beat Alabama and went on to win it all, their program fell apart too. Like them, you folks will have to dig deep and ask yourselves if it was worth it as well. After you see what Dacoacheaux ends up doing to this program, my guess is you’ll say no. Destruction, shame and humiliation is never worth it and right now, this fanbase is chest deep in it. The maws of pain people. That’s your future.
This is the karmic sell out that has to happen to beat Alabama and win a National Championship. Auburn knows this all to well. After they beat Alabama and went on to win it all, their program fell apart too. Like them, you folks will have to dig deep and ask yourselves if it was worth it as well. After you see what Dacoacheaux ends up doing to this program, my guess is you'll say no. Destruction, shame and humiliation is never worth it and right now, this fanbase is chest deep in it. The maws of pain people. That's your future.
I love this quote. "Coach O says he's coached defense 40 years but kind of was hands off last year. Not this year. If he sees something he doesn't like they're not going to do it." I can promise you, every LSU fan in the state facepalmed on this one. The thought of Coach Whiteboots being involved in anything coaching related gives this bunch the vapors. And let's go ahead a clarify this part now. At no point in Yawyaw's career has he ever "coached a defense". The guy was a position coach and nothing more. What he knows about coordinating anything couldn't fill a thimble. What was it Dacoacheaux promised? Oh yeah, I remember. He promised he was gonna let his coaches coach and not meddle. When he did that, everyone calmed down a little. Because as we all know, when Dacoacheaux gets involved, bad things happen. The more this praddling yat babbles the better things look for the Alabama Crimson Tide. God I hope this guy never gets fired.
No one worth having wants anything to do with Yawyaw. This season's gonna go real hard on you folks.
Coach Whiteboots is a garden variety South Louisiana yat that's too stupid to keep his mouth shut and this is why he was at the bottom of the barrel as well. No reasonable proto-human can spin his dullardness as a positive. The guy chits on his current assistants. Chits on his past assistants and openly admits he's too lazy minded to interview high dollar coordinators and position coaches before he hires them. Keeping this guy around is worth a "once in a decade" loss. I can promise you that.
Dacoacheaux doesn't have a very compelling personality, does he. Quitters galore on the LSU squad. A quitter here, a quitter there. Before long, LSU's gonna be starting their white boy walk ons. These guys have no loyalty at all to Coach Whiteboots and don't respect him. He doesn't have a strong enough character or personality to really influence them at all. Tell me folks. What happens when Stingley bails before November? We all know it's coming. Will you apologize for him, the same way you all apologize for Ja'Quitter and Terrance? I hope so.
Who has shamed LSU more, Leslie Coach Whiteboots? Well we know Leslie is a creeper weirdo but really not much else. Where as Dacoacheaux has actually required restraining orders for assaulting women. Let's not suffer from recency bias here people. Leslie is fresh in our minds but Yawyaw has the court papers and police intervention that tells us he's done so much worse.
Ja'Quitter Chase and Terrance March out. Two of LSU's finest. Why celebrate these two? Such a strange look from this fanbase. Both are quitters. Both knew they were quitting and both took valuable reps from players who have yet to quit (because you know more is coming). Is this how low the LSU fanbase has sunk? Are they so desperate to glom onto something, that they crow about two players who don't care about their university or teammates? Is this the last thing you folks can take any pride in? There's really nothing else, is there. Anyway, how furious will all of you be when Stingley quits before November? It's happening. You know it, I know it, Vegetable Lasagna knows it.
Well of course he sexually harrassed a 70 year old woman. Guice is a creepy sexualized weirdo like the headcoach who recruited him and an assaulter of women like the headcoach he recently left. Look at who's mentored this guy. I mean no one thinks Guice didn't know what Leslie was up to, right? Of course he knew. And everyone knows about Coach Whiteboots and his history of assaulting women. For someone of obvious limited intellectual capacity as Darius Guice, he sees this Leslie and Yawyaw behavior and thinks this is how a man conducts himself. Guice wouldn't have lasted one season at Alabama. Players reflect the character of their headcoaches. That's why we see what we see at LSU and why we see what we see at Alabama. At LSU we see rapers, assaulters of women, quitters and murderers like Helaire (We all know Helaire was trading an X-Box for drugs, let's not lie to ourselves). At Alabama, we see winners, champions, players with professional attitudes and a true process driven team mentality. LSU reflects the character of it's most recent headcoaches and Alabama reflects the character of it's current and greatest headcoach. The LSU fanbase wanted Coach Whiteboots, the downhome, bayou yat and the Alabama fanbase wanted to rediscover and maintain its natural state of being. Both got what they wanted.
Joe alleva and Nick Saban deserve statues. Not Leslie the creeper or Dacoacheaux the woman beater. Nick Saban did more for LSU football than anyone in it's moribund history and Joe Alleva tried to protect it. This fanbase however routinely chits on both and makes no apologies for it. No appreciation at all. None. Without Nick Saban making this garbage program relevant, LSU doesn't enjoy either of the two championships since "the man's" departure. And to put a finer point on it, LSU doesn't get this most recent championship without Joe Alleva and his refusal to leave the program in Dacoacheaux and Inzminguh's hands. Alleva's the one who kept Dave Aranda around, keeping this program from falling to pieces. Everyone in BR knows this. Reflect on your history people and start showing some appreciation for the people who made LSU worth talking about.
This athletic department needs a purge and it needs to start with the guy who actually had to be arrested and have restraining orders placed on him for assaulting women down in Miami. Dacoacheaux has not fully answered for his past sins. There's no statute of limitations when it comes to canceling someone for abusing women and it's high time he knelt and paid. What Coach Whiteboots did is far, far worse than what Leslie is accused of.Yawyaw actually beat a woman and this is all well documented.