Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of the Alabama vs. South Carolina game:

Welcome to Columbia, South Carolina where the Gamecocks are trying to capture some of that Stephen Garcia magic and extend their massive 1-game winning streak vs. the Crimson Tide.

It’s hot, humid and sticky … but enough about Texas’ visiting locker room. Let’s play football!

15:00 1st quarter

The South Carolina crowd is loud, the Gamecock players are fired up and the opening kickoff goes … straight out of bounds.

From there things only get worse. Alabama waltzes down the field like, well, Alabama. … And the drive ends with a perfectly executed wheel route touchdown pass from Tua to … Najee Harris? Alabama is throwing to running backs now? How is that fair?

Reminder: Don’t kick the ball out of bounds against Alabama.

Alabama leads 7-0.


Now it’s Ryan Hilinski’s turn, who some are calling the Tua Tagovailoa of South Carolina backup quarterbacks. Hilinski comes out firing though, and after picking up a big 4th down, the Gamecocks’ offense finds a groove. At least until Hilinski is forced to drop back more than one step, in which he’s immediately sacked.

But the Gamecocks are on the board.

Alabama 7-3.


Within a span of just 4 plays, Alabama forgets how to block and how to punt. That sets up South Carolina with incredible field position and all the momentum. But in classic Muschamp fashion, the offense takes that momentum and goes backward 3 straight plays.

The result is a 53-yard field goal attempt, but they shock Alabama by showing that it’s possible to run a fake field goal that doesn’t involve running your kick straight into the line of scrimmage. The Gamecocks’ placekicker runs around the entire Bama defense and into the end zone. But wait … oh, no. It’s called back for holding and Carolina has to punt.


After a great punt, the Alabama offense has to go 95 yards, which to Tua and Co. is more of just a mild annoyance and opportunity to pad stats than a real problem. Henry Ruggs takes a simple slant and turns upfield with the speed of a South Carolina field goal kicker into the end zone.

Alabama is up 14-3.

14:12 2nd quarter

This is typically the point of an ordinary Alabama game when the opponent will wilt away and succumb. But Ryan Hilinski is no ordinary freshman quarterback. On 3rd down, he throws a beauty of a pass through double coverage into the hands of Shi Smith for a USC touchdown. South Carolina fans everywhere are either ecstatic or incensed that Will Muschamp willingly chose Jake Bentley to start over this guy.

Alabama 14-10.


Like an FCS team vs. Arkansas, South Carolina is still hanging around. But Najee Harris has something to say about that. On a pressure packed 4th-and-1, Harris takes a simple swing pass and uses a Mortal Kombat level combination of moves to shove, leap, and sprint his way into the end zone.

He’s 230 pounds?

So far the Steve Sarkisian comprehensive offensive game plan of having Henry Ruggs run past everyone and Najee Harris run through everyone is working to perfection.

Alabama 24-10.


Suddenly the South Carolina offense can’t get anything going, and Will Muschamp returns to what didn’t work last time … an extremely risky fake kick. This one has no chance.

Alabama has the ball with the chance to really put this one away. But as we’ve learned oh, so many times, if you’re playing Bama, there’s only one shred of hope you can cling to: watching them attempt a field goal. Will Reichard has more leg than steering. He misses and the Gamecocks have a chance to score before the end of the half.


With the 2nd quarter winding down, Hilinski puts together his best drive of the game and Carolina carves up the Bama defense to set up a 1st-and-goal. Then Will Muschamp pulls out his least successful trick play yet, watching as the refs mark short a would-be touchdown and then quickly running another play before it could be reviewed.

On 4th down with 3 seconds left, Muschamp decides to go for it. It doesn’t work. You can almost sense a theme. Just don’t ask him about it on his way to the locker room.

Oh, no. She asked him about it on his way to the locker room.

12:20 3rd quarter

Hilinski picks up where he left off, by carving up the Alabama defense. With a series of quick passes and jet sweeps, the Gamecocks work their way inside Bama’s 10-yard line. But as the old saying goes, if you run enough jet sweeps against Alabama, eventually they’ll stuff it for a 10-yard loss. This time, the Gamecocks settle for a field goal.

Alabama 24-13.


When a normal team completes a slant route against you, it’s not great but usually nothing to worry about. When Alabama completes a slant route against you, your defense might as well start jogging off the field because that’s a better use of energy than trying to chase down one of these Alabama receivers.

Tua to DeVonta Smith for 42 yards. Touchdown.

Alabama 31-13.


How many trick plays does it take South Carolina to score a touchdown on Alabama? Unfortunately, we don’t know the answer to that quite yet.

Carolina fumbles the ball, and just to show that it still can, Alabama kicks a field goal to take a 21-point lead.

Alabama 34-13.

14:21 4th quarter

South Carolina settles for a field goal again. The Gamecocks just need 7 more field goals and this game could get interesting.

On the ensuing kickoff, South Carolina tries to pull off the least surprising surprise onside kick you’ll ever see. It doesn’t work. At least they’re consistent.


A few plays later, Tua finds DeVonta Smith again for a touchdown. That gives Tua 5 touchdowns with over 440 yards, not bad for what some want to tell you is a down year.

But just in case Alabama fans were feeling themselves a little too much, Reichard misses the extra point and we get another classic “what is this kicker doing?” Saban reaction to add to the collection.

Alabama 40-16.


It’s officially Mac Jones time, as Tua heads to the sidelines and we officially reach the point in Alabama games where the only people paying attention are parents and degenerate gamblers. (Stay tuned.)

With 4th-and-goal, the spread on the line, Mac Jones stretches across the goal line. It’s not quite a Tua coming in for Hurts and saving the championship moment, but for some people out there it will mean just as much.

Alabama moves ahead 47-16, covering the 26.5-point spread for the first time this afternoon.


After a targeting call on 4th down, Carolina scores a touchdown with just seconds on the clock. This is why you don’t gamble.

Final: Alabama 47-23.