Ah, the Thanksgiving holiday. That special time for family, love and Alabama fans being eternally thankful that they’re not Auburn fans …

(Relax, Tigers. You’ll get your opportunity to go off on us Thursday. Why is Alabama first? You really need to ask that?)

Here are 20 reasons every Alabama fan hates Auburn.

1. Cam Newton: Let’s just get it out of the way right off the bat. He cheated. You know you cheated to get him. Just admit it. And yes, that 24-0 comeback still hurts. How did Ingram fumble that ball 30 yards? Ugh.

2. Bear told us to: The houndstooth wearing deity once said, “Sure I’d like to beat Notre Dame, don’t get me wrong. But nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state.”

3. They look down on us: Auburn fans have always had some pretentious smug attitude  that they’re somehow classier or better than Bama fans. We’re from the same state! Bragging about being the fanciest person from Alabama is like bragging about being the coolest kid in home school.

4. The mascots: You gotta be some kinda special to have as many mascots as national titles.

5. Tommy Tuberville: Never in the history of coaching has their been a more smarmy unlikable coach, and somehow he beat us for 6 straight years.

6. Cult-like Rally Cries: Family. All-In. The Creed. We get it. You believe in Auburn and you love it and you’re all family and blah blah blah. I’m surprised y’all don’t take your shoes off before you walk into Jordan-Hare.

7. The Band: First off you copied UGA by playing “Glory, Glory!” And you have also single handedly ruined the theme song from Rocky since you play “Eye of the Tiger” like 2,9837 times a game.

8. Fake National Titles: I know that sounds hypocritical from a Bama fan. Hell, I thought it was bad that we claimed a natty in 1941 with a 9-2 team. However, what we never did was retroactively claim 3 (1913, 1983, 1993) in January of 2014. And 1993? Really? You were on probation for God’s sakes!.

9. “People’s Champion (of Life)”: Tuberville actually had rings made for the 2004 Auburn team that went undefeated and labeled them “The People’s Champion.” Congrats Auburn you were the original Butch Jones participation trophy of the SEC.

10. Historical Moments: Almost EVERY historic and memorable moment favors y’all. We have 10 more wins in the series than y’all, and 14 more national titles. Yet, every year I have to see highlights of “Punt, Bama Punt,” “Bo over the top,” “the Camback,” and the dreaded Kick-Six.

11. Harvey Updyke: Ever since that moron poisoned those trees, all Bama fans have to be grouped in with him.

12. The Good Ol’ Boys: Everyone knows Auburn Athletics hasn’t been run by an administration but rather a round table fraternity of rich and powerful boosters like Bobby Lowder, Jimmy Rane and others. That’s where they get all the money for cheating. Duh.

13. Cooler Alumni: I hate to admit it, but Auburn has a lot cooler alumni than Alabama. Sure we have Broadway Joe, but who else that’s universally known for being badass? I’ll wait. Auburn has fan favorites like Bo Jackson, Charles Barkley, and the freaking CEO of Apple Tim Cook.

14. Logical Fans: The only thing I hate more than Auburn fans looking down on Bama fans is how much more logical they are than us. If Bama loses a game, the world is coming to an end. If Auburn loses, they still do disgustingly redeeming things like: practice sportsmanship and support their team. It’s almost like it’s not the most important thing in their life. As a Bama fan I don’t get it.

15. Cheating: I’m not saying that Bama doesn’t have skeletons in its closet, but good grief, Auburn. It’s hard to be under NCAA and FBI investigation at the same time. And, you’ve managed to do it twice this decade!

16. Tray Matthews: Sure he’s relatively new to the rivalry, but I’ve hated him for quite some time. He used to play for UGA, and if he would’ve knocked down that 4th-and-18 Hail Mary in the 2013 UGA-Auburn game, then the 2013 Iron Bowl wouldn’t have even mattered! Bama would have clinched the division, probably won the SEC the next week, and then most likely would have won their 4th national title in 5 years against Florida St. Instead he tipped the pass into the hands of an Auburn WR and they won the game. AND THEN HE TRANSFERRED TO AUBURN.

17. You ruined R.E.M. for me: In 1989 Bama played its first game in Jordan-Hare. They were undefeated and ranked No. 2 in the country. Auburn won 30-20, and they played “It’s the end of the world as we know it” by R.E.M. on repeat for roughly a half-hour. Now the only R.E.M. song that I have any relation to is “Everybody Hurts.” Thanks a lot.

18. 2000 Game: This was the first Iron Bowl played in Tuscaloosa since 1901. Bama came into the 2000 season as reigning SEC Champs and ranked No. 3 in the country. Going into the Iron Bowl we were 3-7 and in disarray. My Dad made us go to the game, and it was the worst football experience I’ve ever had. It was 33 degrees, and it rained for 4 straight hours. We lost 9-0.

19. Kick-Six: – EVERYONE remembers where they were when this happened. EVERYONE. Like accidentally seeing a family member in the nude, or peeing your pants in kindergarten it is something that will scar me for the rest of my life and haunts me on a near daily basis.

20. Anxiety: Bama is 11-0 and has cruised through most of the year. But if we lose this game, the whole season will be for nothing.

I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t enjoy my Grandma’s Green Bean Casserole at Thanksgiving. Why? The Iron Bowl. Auburn. That’s why.