To be a successful sports writer, I am told often, one must be immune from hyperbole.

Thus, when offered the subject of “are there college football teams in America that can beat Alabama this season?” we gave it the proper amount of thought and contemplation before coming to the following conclusion …

No.

Nope.

Not a single one.

OK, we get it. This is rat poison. This is speculation for speculation’s sake, given that the Crimson Tide is embarking on a well-deserved week off following a 41-0 destruction of Mississippi State on Saturday night. We posited here that Saturday’s victory was, indeed, Joyless Murderball at its finest. And it was, even given the mercy that coach Nick Saban showed by pulling many of his starters once the win was well in hand.

Alabama’s defense was particularly impressive against Mississippi State, especially given the Bulldogs were hyped as a team that could torch the Tide with their “Air Raid” offense brought by new coach Mike Leach. The result: Mississippi State mustered just 200 yards of total offense and was shut out — the first point-free game of Leach’s head-coaching career.

“The confidence that the players gained from going out there and getting a shutout in this day and age is a real positive thing for the defense,” Saban said. “I don’t think [Mississippi State] expected us to play the way we played, so that probably was a positive for us. The way we played the game today is you’re begging them to run the ball, basically.”

“I think y’all kind of made them mad,” wide receiver DeVonta Smith said Saturday night of the defense. “Just with everybody just outside just criticizing them, they kind of were feeding off that. They were like, ‘OK, y’all gonna talk, we’re gonna show y’all.’ I think just everybody talking down to them just made them hungry to just do it.

“I believed in them from the jump. I knew with everybody saying the things they said, y’all were gonna make them mad. Just wake up the monster.”

But your humble scribe must look ahead, beyond the soft opponent known as “idle week” to postulate whether there is any collection of intercollegiate amateur tackle football players capable of hanging and banging with Alabama for the full 60 minutes.

No.

Nope.

Not a single one.

For the sake of argument, though, let’s at least entertain the potential roadblocks in what is increasingly looking like Alabama’s relentless march to national championship No. 18:

Clemson?

It has already been established here that Tigers quarterback Trevor Lawrence benefits from ACC defenses that are as soft as peanut butter pie. And Saturday’s near-collapse against Boston College was proof positive that Clemson is about 94.831% Lawrence. Clemson, sans Lawrence for the 2nd consecutive week, will need to get past Notre Dame coming up to even consider Dabo Swinney’s crew for a College Football Playoff berth.

Notre Dame?

Must. Avoid. Manti. T’eo. Jokes.

The Fighting Irish actually can make a decent case for themselves if they beat Clemson, though pollsters will have to consider just how large the asterisk to attach to both a Notre Dame victory and a Clemson loss. Quarterback Ian Book has thrown for only 1,225 yards and 7 touchdowns, which is decent couple of games’ worth for Alabama QB Mac Jones.

Ohio State?

The Buckeyes looked great in dispatching Nebraska 52-17 in the COVID-delayed season opener, and then again in whipping Penn State 38-25 last week. The 25 points allowed to the Nittany Lions should give Buckeye fans pause, though quarterback Justin Fields is feeling more and more like a player who will be properly socially distanced from Mac Jones at the Heisman Trophy ceremony.

Cincinnati?

Puh-leeze.

Indiana?

If this were basketball, we would still give Nate Oats 2 chances in 3 of beating the Hoosiers. But this ain’t basketball.

BYU? Coastal Carolina? Boise State? Marshall?

Perhaps if those 4 teams were allowed to assemble an all-star team between them and given 4 months to prep non-stop for the Tide … Perhaps.

The rest of the SEC?

Aye, here is the rub we see. Giving Georgia coach Kirby Smart another chance to scheme against Alabama is definitely not preferable. Though playing the Bulldogs in Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta would probably give Smart the heebie-jeebies given what has happened there in the past. Georgia still seems the class of the SEC East, unless of course Dan Mullen can take the clown makeup long enough to upend the Bulldogs in the Cocktail Party this weekend.

And listen, we joke about the Auburn Tigers and their abundantly clear ability to hoodwink conference officials seemingly at whim — but it isn’t like the Iron Bowl hasn’t been a roadblock to an Alabama national title before. Remember 2017, right? Alabama lost to Auburn in the Iron Bowl that year and … oh, wait.

Conclusion:

For Alabama to lose in 2020, it is becoming increasingly clear that it will be the Crimson Tide that beats itself if a loss were to happen. This isn’t unprecedented, of course, as Ole Miss was almost a beneficiary of such a phenomenon earlier in the season. But with the combination of weak upcoming opponents and the overwhelming stretch of the Tide, we just don’t see it happening.