Uncensored play-by-play commentary: Alabama vs. Clemson
Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of the National Championship Game between No. 1 Alabama and No. 2 Clemson:
Welcome to Santa Clara, California for the 2019 National Championship Game. It’s sure to be an amazing few hours filled with two amazing quarterbacks, two legendary coaches, and a bunch of Californians not knowing what sport this is.
Tonight’s game can be seen in 12 different ESPN Broadcasts, including the all-new Ed Orgeron cam which includes him narrating all the action, but you don’t know if he’s talking about the game or the movie Bird Box. Let’s get started:
1st quarter: 15:00
Trevor Lawrence and Clemson get the ball first, it will be the toughest test he’s had to face since Gerry’s accident at the end of Remember the Titans. But his first pass is batted down and the Tigers go 3-and-out.
Tua Tagovailoa gets his chance now, we’ve seen him do just about everything a college football player can do … except play in the first half of a National Championship Game. But that shouldn’t be too much of a … oh, never mind … Clemson is walking in an interception for a touchdown. Yikes.
Clemson leads 7-0.
It’s gonna be tough for Tua to overcome such an awful … oh, never mind, he hits Jerry Jeudy for a 62-yard bomb. Touchdown.
Let us always remember the 45 seconds when Tua was overrated.
Both sides are trying to catch their breath from that fast start as Clemson takes over and immediately gets backed into a 3rd-and-14 deep in its own territory. But unfortunately for Bama, this isn’t the typical backup Big Ten transfer QB that they’re used to playing. Lawrence connects on a monster deep pass, and Clemson scores one play later.
A lot of fun celebrities are hanging out at the game. Look, there’s Butch Jones wandering around the Alabama sidelines. I wonder what he’s doing there?
Meanwhile, the Tide drive down and find the end zone once again. And in a touching tribute to Cody Parkey they doink the extra point off the post. Bama fans and Bears fans everywhere shed a tear.
After getting a stop, Bama rides Najee Harris to the steps of the goal line. Leave it to Saban to bury a guy on the depth chart all year only to reveal him as the best back on the team come the Playoff.
But on 3rd-and-goal, Bama’s weird shovel pass option play gets stuffed and they have to (gulp) kick a field goal. But it somehow goes through and the Tide take their first lead.
The positive momentum for Alabama’s kicking game lasts not even a full play as the ensuing kickoff goes way out of bounds. The Tigers take the great field position and turn it into another quick touchdown to retake the lead.
It’s been a back and forth battle so far, but Tua’s here to change that … by gifting Clemson their second interception of the day. On the bright side for Bama, 16 points in the first half would usually be pretty good in a title game. On the bad side, don’t look back up because Clemson is about to score again.
It’s gonna take a ton of failed fake punts for Alabama to come back in this one.
The bad news piles on, literally, as Tua is driven down for a huge sack. The Crimson Tide look, as the kids and Dan Mullen say, shook.
Clemson tries to put a devastating blow to Bama before the half, but instead of scoring 7, they rub it into Bama even further by making a medium-length field goal.
Nick Saban is too mad to even think about football right now. He missed valuable recruiting time for this? Not worth it. Saban doesn’t even use his timeouts and lets the clock run into halftime.
Let’s make an agreement to never speak of that halftime show again.
Alabama gets the ball to start the second half, and you get the feeling that Alabama needs something good to happen here. Honestly anything to keep Imagine Dragons from playing again I’ll take.
The Tide begin the half with an emphasis on the run game and convert on a few key short yardage plays to keep the drive going. But after a questionable no call, Bama has to kick a field goal … or so you thought!! JK. Everyone sees the fake coming as Alabama runs a trick play so awful, even Kirby Smart is disgusted.
ESPN cuts away to an exclusive trailer of the new Captain Marvel trailer, which amazingly looks like it stars Trevor Lawrence.
On a short curl route, an Alabama corner goes down with an injury, a safety slips, and Clemson jogs 74 yards for a touchdown. Alabama’s defense is looking like every defense that goes up against Alabama … except for Clemson, of course.
If Alabama is going to come back in this one, it has to start now. That’s the optimistic way of looking at it at least. Pessimistically, this game was over since before Lil Wayne took the stage.
Tua leads the Tide down the field nonetheless, and get this, get all the way inside the red zone before getting stopped on fourth down.
Clemson is now carrying the torch for Notre Dame, Washington, Lane Kiffin, and all those who Alabama embarrassed in the past. Lawrence is throwing dimes, Justyn Ross is making circus catches, Mike Locksley is catching up with some Maryland recruits. Things can’t be going worse.
After a big completion, Bama has one more chance to get back into this game. But you’ll never believe it, they get stopped on 4th down on the edge of the goal line. The thing you have to love about Saban is his consistency.
Was that really Tua running the ball?
One silver lining for Alabama fans is that they’re used to the game being over before the 4th quarter starts.
Oh, another silver lining, at least there will be something other than the Kick-6 that opposing fan bases can use against them as jokes.
FINAL: Clemson 44-16.
As the dulcet tones of Imagine Dragons begins to fade out, and Dabo tries to figure out where in California he is, Alabama will be forced to deal with a long and existential offseason and the pain of only winning two national championships in the past four years.