10 things more likely to happen than Arkansas beating Alabama
After a brutal 48-22 loss last week at South Carolina, the Arkansas Razorbacks are heading for dark times.
There wasn’t a lot of optimism before the season for Arkansas, but the ominous outlook on 2017 has grown substantially. Now, the Razorbacks travel to Tuscaloosa to face an Alabama team that hasn’t lost a conference game since 2015. To make matters worse, Arkansas hasn’t gotten the better of the Crimson Tide since 2006.
Bryant-Denny Stadium hasn’t been kind to the Razorbacks either. Arkansas hasn’t pulled out a victory there since 2003 back when Mike Shula was the Alabama coach.
Here are 10 more things that are more likely to happen then Arkansas beaten Alabama this week.
10. Bielema runs the hurry-up
After running his slow, methodical offense for many years, Bret Bielema decides to ultimately go to the fast-paced attack. Austin Allen throws the ball 60 times a game to end the season. Bielema does this, despite telling Sporting News otherwise back in 2015.
“I just read a study that said players in the no-huddle, hurry-up offense play the equivalent of five more games than those that don’t. That’s an incredible number.”
If Nick Saban can change his mind, it’s understandable to think Bielema might too.
9. Aliens invade the Earth
There could be life out there. I’m sure the people across the world would handle the adversity of another species invading our domain well. Wrong!
People will be freaking out, just like they were in Independence Day.
8. The Browns don’t win a game all season
The Cleveland Browns didn’t lead during a game until Week 5 of the NFL season. After losing to the New York Jets on Sunday, the Browns are 0-5. With a shaky quarterback situation, Cleveland has a long road ahead.
The Browns have been historically terrible, but never had a winless season. Will Arkansas fans also start putting bags over their heads if their team keep losing? Don’t be surprised if it happens.
Los fans de los @Browns ya tiene listas su 'Bag of Shame' #TuesdayFan pic.twitter.com/4NYGoqBkCs
— Primero y Diez (@Primeroydiez) August 9, 2017
7. Fans raise enough money for Bielema’s buyout
Several GoFundMe’s have already been started trying to raise money to buyout Bielema’s contract, including Austin Johnson’s $15.5 millon goal. Fans have a long way to go as you can see below, but certain diehards will do whatever is necessary to get the program where they want it to be.
It's almost a certainty that Bret Bielema will be back next season. Here's a big reason why. pic.twitter.com/lq7TbX0Lns
— Jason Kersey (@jasonkersey) October 7, 2017
Dallas Cowboys owner and Arkansas alum Jerry Jones has probably received a call or two asking for money.
6. “Stingray” disowns Mississippi State
Notorious superfan Steven “Stingray” Ray has been an avid Mississippi State fan since 2004. The Bulldogs are his passion even as an Alabama alum. He credits Mississippi State with “southern hospitality and uniqueness” in his bio.
His mom and aunt also went to school with former Mississippi State coach Sylvester Croom. Giving up his fandom of the Bulldogs would be virtually impossible, but still more likely than Arkansas beating Alabama in Week 6.
5. Arkansas changes mascots
After Arkansas beat LSU back in 1909, coach Hugo Bezdek said the team played “like a wild band of razorback hogs.” Fans fell in love with the name and students voted change the official mascot from Cardinals to Razorbacks the following year. The nickname has been beloved ever since.
In wake of the current state of the football team, the student body overwhelmingly votes to change the the mascot once again. This time, Arkansas is re-named the cupcakes because of how it has played lately. Kobe Bryant shares his thoughts below.
4. Phyllis calls the Hogs
Another Paul Finebaum legend, Phyllis from Mulga, has no problem letting the world know that she is a Crimson Tide fanatic. Getting her to call the Hogs would be borderline torture. Vegas would have better odds on her doing that than Alabama losing this week.
3. Bielema gets a hole-in-0ne
According to USHoleInOne.com, the odds of getting a hole in one on a par-3 are 12,500 for an amateur. Have you seen Bielema’s golf swing? At least he knows it looks bad.
“My swing is violent” – Bret Bielema.
Episode one coming August 10th at 9 pm ET pic.twitter.com/PLyeoqJWCJ
— BEING Bret Bielema (@BEINGBretB) July 29, 2016
I don’t know if Bielema qualifies as an amateur with that stroke. That swing is Charles Barkley-esque and that’s not a compliment.
2. Marlins Man stops going to sporting events
If you don’t know Laurence Leavy is, you’ve probably seen him before. Better known as “Marlins Man” the 60-year-old has made his way across dozens of states to see some of the greatest sporting events many would dream of spectating.
Whether it’s the World Series, NBA Finals or another major game, Leavy can always be seen sporting a Miami Marlins jersey with a visor. It would take an army to keep him away from games.
1. Nick Saban never loses to Arkansas while at Alabama
Arkansas had two of its best chances to beat Alabama under Saban back in 2010 and 2014. It won’t get a better chance. The Razorbacks had their strongest team in 2010 and Saban had his weakest team at Alabama in 2014.
How is it possible that Arkansas is less likely to win one game than Saban is to win at least 11? It just is. Saban can just be evil sometimes, as evidenced below.
I knew Nick Saban was the evil man who did it poor Baxter. #Anchorman pic.twitter.com/Hl4FepCDiP
— Jonathan Griffin (@Jonathanpg64) November 6, 2016