Source*: Confused Maurice Smith requests transfer back to Alabama, Georgia moves to block
Maurice Smith has started practicing for the Georgia Bulldogs following the dramatic events in recent months as he attempted to transfer within the SEC from Alabama to Georgia.
But things are not going as expected. It appears that Smith is already dissatisfied with his role with the Bulldogs even after just a few days.
Smith explained his frustration: “I thought that Coach Smart would, you know, know what he’s doing because he learned from Coach Saban for all these years. But he really doesn’t. I didn’t know what I had at Alabama. I’m really hoping I can go back and play for Coach Saban.”
Kirby Smart was asked about the situation following practice. The question caught him off guard. “Maurice wants out?” Smart said. “Are you kidding me?”
Saban, however, saw it coming. “Frankly, I’m surprised it took him that long to come to the realization,” he said. “What’s my name?”
The reporter tasked with answering the question mustered a “Nick Saban” in response, but Saban was not satisfied.
“Wrong. Try again. And speak up.”
The reporter, now increasingly nervous, hoped to satisfy the agitated Saban with more of question than an answer, “Head Coach Nick Saban?”
Interestingly, another byproduct of the Smith saga has been that head coaches have started downplaying academic excellence. When asked further about the graduate transfer process, Saban said, “You know, I think we’re putting too much pressure on these kids to graduate. Do college degrees really matter that much? How many 2015 graduates are still living at home and working at Starbucks?”
Reporters followed up with the Alabama head coach, questioning if Saban is now downplaying graduation simply to avoid dealing with graduate transfer requests from his players such as Smith.
“Look, I don’t care. I win either way,” he said. “When one of my players leaves and joins another SEC program, the only thing that happens is he realizes how awesome I am.
“Those other programs are s**t shows compared to what we’re doing here. Following a transfer, that player settles into a deep realization of dread and discouragement as they understand the grave mistake they made. My face haunts them in their dreams.
“That’s exactly the way I like it. I am the SEC. I am college football. I am all that is right and holy in America.”
Commissioner Greg Sankey attempted to handle the situation a bit more diplomatically.
“As we mentioned last week, we support our student-athletes pursuing their goals on and off the field, and if that means transferring to another graduate program, then we support them,” he said. “With that said, we’d prefer our student-athletes spend more than five minutes choosing their next destination to avoid this sort of waffling, but these millennials can be indecisive. We need to find new ways to support their millennial-like tendencies.”
A noted expert on millennial behavior linked the indecisive nature of youngsters to the popular dating app known as Tinder. It appears that the swipe right and swipe left phenomenon now applies to college enrollment.
Smith’s status, at multiple SEC programs, remains unclear as fall practice continues.
*Obligatory Disclaimer: This was a satire