Uncensored play-by-play commentary: Georgia vs. Auburn
Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of the Georgia vs. Auburn game:
Welcome to Jordan-Hare Stadium for the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry — actually, it’s technically the 2nd-oldest behind Popeye’s vs. Chick-fil-A. Today’s game brings together an unlikely alliance of Florida and Alabama fans who are desperate to see Georgia lose. Which puts Auburn in a very tough spot of deciding whether to win the game or do something nice for Bama and Gators fans.
Let’s see what happens:
Gary Danielson starts the game by saying how Auburn is still alive in the Playoff race, which is like saying the Dolphins are still alive in the AFC East. Sure, it’s mathematically possible, but it’s not worth wasting any of your precious time on Earth discussing it.
Meanwhile, Bo Nix leads an impressive early drive down the field. At least until it’s time to score. Gus sends out his kicker on 4th-and-short and it doesn’t come close.
After a couple of punts, Georgia takes over near midfield. Jake Fromm takes the opportunity to remind everyone that he does, in fact, have a great arm (unless he’s playing South Carolina at home or Bama in the second half.) He finds Dominick Blaylock for a beautiful 51-yard score and Georgia is on Auburn’s giant scoreboard first.
Gus has his back against the wall early, and what does he do when he gets cornered? Pull out the ol’ double reverse. Shockingly, Georgia could see this coming too and they stuff it for about an 8-yard loss. At least it probably worked great in practice.
Auburn doesn’t seem too confident in its ability to run on this Georgia defense, and it definitely doesn’t seem confident in Bo Nix throwing it downfield. Which means its options are … limited. At least if things get too desperate they can always bring in Joey Gate- oh, wait.
Georgia gets the ball back and we get our weekly installment of “The CBS Crew Learn A Pretty Basic Rule of Football” when Georgia fumbles a ball out of bounds and Gary Danielson acts aghast that they spotted the ball at the spot of the fumble.
Aside from Jake Fromm’s one throw in the first quarter, no team seems interested in scoring points. Although with the way this Tigers offense is playing, Georgia seems like they’re running up the score with 7 points.
Auburn has a 4th-and-2 at midfield and somehow loses 15 yards on a simple handoff up the middle. Don’t ask how it happened, just imagine the most Gus thing imaginable and you’re probably pretty close.
Florida fans have to be disgusted watching some of these wildly inaccurate Jake Fromm 3rd-down throws after what he did to their defense in Jacksonville. Maybe Fromm only has a finite amount of good throws in him and Kirby doesn’t want him to use more than he has to against this Auburn team.
Auburn finally strings together a few nice plays on offense, but right when you think they may have something here, Bo Nix fumbles the ball right into the hands of the Georgia defense. It’s been that kind of day for the Tigers. And by “day” we mean “past 5 seasons or so.”
With the clock winding down in the half, Gus calls a timeout to save some time for his offense. Who knows what offense he’s trying to help, but it’s certainly not Auburn’s. Georgia drives down the field with a few seconds on the clock and scores a touchdown to finally put the Dawgs up two scores.
Georgia leads 14-0.
After a scary incident with a photographer on the sidelines, Gary Danielson really tries to go for the record for worst first-half performance by a color commentator in SEC history. He secures the title easily.
Auburn comes out of the half and looks committed to its game plan of making all of its fans absolutely miserable. So far it’s working to perfection. The offense looks absolutely hopeless whether they get the ball deep in their own territory or at midfield. They go 3-and-out so quickly it’s hard to even remember if they ran any plays or not.
Meanwhile, whatever disease Auburn’s offense has seems to be contagious and infecting the UGA offense. They seem content to just keep punting back and forth with a 14-point lead and put everyone watching this game to sleep.
With the 3rd quarter winding down, Georgia drives down the field to officially put this game in the books. Jake Fromm completes one to Eli Wolf in the end zone to cap a 12-play, 6-minute drive that took most of the quarter and allows everyone to change the channel to more exciting games.
Georgia is cruising, 21-0.
Well, Auburn’s not quite dead yet. They go right down the field on the Georgia defense with plays that are nicely designed and executed. Maybe Gus wanted to get this UGA team bored and then strike. It works.
Nix finds Eli Stove in the end zone and this game is somewhat interesting again.
Auburn surprises Georgia with an onside kick that works to perfection … except for one small, tiny block that ruins the whole thing. It was a nice effort by Auburn, but as long as Georgia can get a few first downs and run the clock it should be all but over.
Or Georgia can just go 3-and-out.
Auburn needs to score very quickly here and based on everything we’ve seen so far today, that seems pretty much impossible. But this is SEC football, and this is Auburn in November, so expect the opposite of everything you think will happen.
Auburn goes 60 yards in 5 plays and scores a touchdown easily. The Tigers suddenly look like a different team. Maybe this new team deserves to be ranked No. 12.
No time to panic yet here for Georgia, as long as it can get just one first down, it should be enough to … oh, no, they’re already punting. Georgia’s offense is now fully infected by whatever plague Auburn was carrying for the first 3 quarters. Please keep them quarantined and nowhere near Joe Burrow.
So now, with Jordan-Hare rocking and all the momentum on their side, the Tigers have one last chance to go down the field and win this game. Nix picks up a few big first downs with his legs but now faces a 4th-and-2 with everything on the line. Miraculously, Gus draws up a perfect play and Nix sees Harold Joiner running open for the first down line. But Nix throws it a bit behind him and that’s the game. …
Unless Georgia goes 3-and-out again (laughter). Oh, no.
Here we go. Can Bo Nix pull off another miracle comeback, as he did against Oregon? Three passes, 3 incompletions to 3 different receivers would suggest “no,” but at least he’s spreading around the wild tosses.
On 4th-and-10 at Auburn’s 27, Auburn needs a miracle.
And … Nix is sacked.
Kirby and Dawg Nation are very relieved to escape Jordan-Hare with a win. And Gary Danielson is even more relieved to escape this game with somehow still having a job. But in the end, the only thing that matters is Georgia clinching its spot in the SEC Championship Game, and if letting Auburn come back gave Florida fans just a few minutes of hope before being heartbroken again, it was all worth it.
FINAL: Georgia 21-14