Uncensored play-by-play commentary: Georgia vs. Vanderbilt
Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of Saturday night’s Georgia vs. Vanderbilt game:
“Welcome to a gorgeous night here at Sanford Stadium as Vanderbilt will attempt to shock the world by keeping this game within 40 points. Georgia is coming off a sluggish performance against Tennessee last week, so the Bulldogs will look to either return to form or put all the blame unfairly on the shoulders of Jake Fromm. Either way, it should be fun to watch.”
“Vandy gets the ball first and quickly realizes this whole thing will be over soon if they just punt. But Georgia’s offense can’t seem to do anything either and Vandy rips off a 40-yard run on the next play.
“A deep intake of breath can be heard all around Athens as Georgia fans are hoping to God this isn’t one of those games.”
“Vanderbilt loses 3 yards on a run up the middle on 3rd-and1. No big deal though, Vandy kicks the field goal and it’s official: THE VANDERBILT COMMODORES ARE BEATING THE GEORGIA BULLDOGS!
“Have to wonder if Georgia is going to get flustered now that they’re behind … or if they’re gonna complete a 70-yard touchdown pass on the next play. Looks like it’s the latter. Good decision by Kirby Smart there.
“Vanderbilt looked about excited as excited to tackle Terry Godwin there as Georgia fans are to deal with angry LSU fans next weekend.”
Terry. Godwin. 😳 pic.twitter.com/v0VVrrtYgP
— SEC Network (@SECNetwork) October 7, 2018
“It’s Georgia back on top, 7-3.”
“ESPN is now comparing the bodies of the boxer Evander Holyfield to Georgia back Elijah Holyfield, not quite as accurate as the time they compared Taylor and D’Andre Swift or Kirby the coach vs Kirby the video game character, but it’s interesting nonetheless.
“Meanwhile, Vanderbilt’s rushing attack is more of a George Foreman, because they’re cooking. They pick up a few first downs in a row and waste a ton of time off the clock. On the Georgia-Fan-Miserableness charts, this game is quickly rising.”
“Like a Joe Burrow QB draw, Vandy is slowly making its way down the field. It sets up a fourth down. Vanderbilt’s George Foreman run game turns into a Mike Tyson run game, because it came back to bite them. Stopped. Georgia takes over.”
“As much fun as it is for the rest of the country to see Georgia in a close game with Vandy at home in the second quarter, Georgia has had about enough. A long Holyfield run puts Georgia up two scores.
“Vanderbilt responds by going on another slow motion, soul crushing drive that takes up most of this quarter. Georgia doesn’t seem that interested in stopping them until they get inside the 30, which is just fine with Vandy.”
“Georgia has so many freshman on the offensive line, the front 5 might as well be an Intro to History study group. But they get the job done, the Dawgs drive down the field with ease and it ends with a Ridley touchdown pass that he tips to himself because I guess he’s bored.
“Vanderbilt has fewer than 50 total yards on offense, yet was still able to make it a somewhat interesting game for the most of the first half. They’ll take that and run to the locker room.”
“The announcers say Jake Fromm is on the verge of breaking the school completion percentage record held by the absolute Georgia legend, Hunter Mason. UGA fans can only hope Hunter Mason’s legacy doesn’t get in Fromm’s head.
“Justin Fields comes in for a play and sits right back down. The legend grows.
“Also, D’Andre Swift runs in a swing pass for a touchdown and this one looks about over.
“Woah, Justin Fields take two consecutive snaps in a row. Didn’t know that was possible.
“A Vanderbilt player lunges at Fields’ head, a smart play on his part so he can head to the locker room now and get this over with. But even that doesn’t work, the call is reversed and the Vandy player has to stay on the field.
“In steps everyone’s favorite character, Rodrigo Blankenship. Every time he walks on to the field it feels like Kramer sliding into Jerry’s apartment. He drills a 53-yarder and the studio audience loves it.
“We’ve entered everyone’s favorite time of the game, the ‘please let’s finish this game as quickly as possible’ segment. The TV crew has spent more time this quarter talking about Kentucky vs A&M than the game they’re watching, but who can blame them.
“While no one is paying attention, Georgia drives down the field and scores again. Remember when Vanderbilt was winning this game? That sure was fun.
“A Georgia player is stuck in the hedges. This game really is turning into a sitcom. UGA kicks a field goal, but creates a meme that will last forever.”
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) October 7, 2018
“Georgia has topped 40 points for the fifth time this season and leads 41-6.”
“These announcers are really scraping the bottom of the content barrel now. We just had a 4-minute extremely awkward segment with two cheerleaders — they’re sisters, one goes to Georgia, the other Vanderbilt. Is that Cole Cubelic with pom-poms? The crew is now discussing Bring It On. ESPN better hope this game ends soon before it gets any weirder, or this game might end in either a lawsuit or a Ronan Farrow piece.”
“Georgia puts third-string quarterback Matthew Downing in the game, and he looks about as comfortable playing the position as we all were watching that cheerleader segment. It doesn’t quite seem like he’s got the whole catching a snap thing down yet, but that’s OK. The Bulldogs will only need him to play serious minutes if both Fields and Fromm get injured on the same play — which coincidentally is LSU’s game plan for next week.”
“Vanderbilt puts together one final touchdown drive to finish off the game, which will give Kirby a great excuse to pretend to be angry after the game.
“It’s a convincing win for the Bulldogs, and one they desperately needed to fill their confidence before they face one of the toughest tests of the year next week. How will Georgia prepare for a meaningful football game? Definitely not by watching any of their previous games this season.”