Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of the Florida vs. LSU game:

Nothing in college football compares to Death Valley at night — unless of course, you’re a visiting fan. In that case it’s miserable. Tonight the Florida Gators will try to brave the hostile crowd and elite Tigers offense with their own patented brand of “I can’t believe that actually worked” offense.

Let’s get to it.

1Q: 15:00

Joe Burrow and the LSU offense get the ball first, and right away we see why Tiger fans have been so obnoxiously confident about this offense. They hit some big passes to get to the edge of field goal territory before Florida’s defense finally gets a stop.

But Cade York might have been watching too much of the Georgia/South Carolina game, and the kick slides wide to the left.


Kyle Trask and the Gators’ offense make a brief cameo appearance before exiting stage right in 3 plays. That clears the field for LSU’s offense to make an even quicker appearance, although their’s ends with 65 yards and a touchdown. Missed field goals make Joe Burrow angry. Don’t make Joe Burrow angry.

LSU leads 7-0.


But Kyle Trask isn’t about to just sit around on the sidelines letting other people have all the fun, that’s what high school was for. He leads the Gators on a calm, cool 75-yard touchdown drive to quiet, and more important, sober up the crowd.

We’re tied at 7.

2Q: 12:44

So far, Florida has been defying the odds and fighting toe-to-toe with LSU … but that’s before Joe Burrow transforms into the Mother of Dragons. He’s dodging sacks, running past defenders, throwing absolute strikes and that’s all on just one play. He hits Justin Jefferson in the end zone and the Tigers retake the lead.

LSU is up 14-7.


Dan Mullen switches things up by putting in Emory Jones behind center and LSU switches things up by repeatedly deciding not to cover Florida’s tight end. The Gators’ strategy works better.

Florida drives the length of the field but faces a 4th-and-goal on the 1-yard line. But Dan Mullen didn’t come to Florida to play things safe, otherwise, he definitely would not have hired Todd Grantham. He goes for it and the gamble works out thanks to a ridiculous tip and catch by Lamical Perine.

Florida ties it at 14.


Every time Florida’s offense scores, it feels like a remarkable accomplishment with some crazy, exhausting luck. And then LSU scores so casually like it is picking up Starbucks on the way to work. The Tigers go 3 plays and score again to retake the lead.

LSU back on top, 21-14.


Kyle Trask is playing so good you don’t know whether Dan Mullen is a genius for developing him or an idiot for not starting him since Day 1. He leads the Gators on yet another 75-yard drive, and with the clock winding down on the first half finds Van Jefferson in the end zone to tie the game.

We are tied at Death Valley, 21-21.

We don’t know who will win the game, but we do know that this has been a bad night for any side trying to claim DBU status.

3Q: 15:00

The Gators start the second half with the ball and Kyle Trask comes out firing. He’s hitting back shoulder fades like he’s Jake Fromm with the game not on the line. Meanwhile, the LSU corners just can’t keep up with Van Jefferson and the Gators ride the Trask/Jefferson connection all the way into the end zone.

Just like that the Gators lead and Death Valley is shook.

Florida takes its first lead, 28-21.


You think Joe Burrow is just going to watch a long touchdown drive and not respond with one of his own? Not tonight, baby. Oprah is giving out free 75-yard drives and LSU cashes in again.

Somehow this game and the Texas/Oklahoma game traded box scores. That’s the only explanation for what’s happening.

Tied 28-28.


STOP THE PRESSES. FINISH YOUR DRINK. HUG YOUR WIFE AND KIDS. The Tigers get a stop and force a punt. Someday this Death Valley crowd will tell their grandkids about this.

Florida’s defense made the trip from Gainesville, but that’s about all you can say about them tonight. They give up another long touchdown run and LSU re-energizes Death Valley.

LSU is back on top, 35-28.

4Q: 12:35

Who knew LSU had a punter? Wow, you learn something new every day.

He pins Florida deep and Kyle Trask suddenly has his back against his own goal line with the entire LSU student body in his ear. But he makes clutch throw after clutch throw and just like that he has the Gators in the red zone. There’s nothing he and Dan Mullen can do wrong … well except for trying to force a pass into the end zone on 3rd-and-short. It’s picked off and we finally have a defensive highlight.

Five plays later, LSU is jogging into the end zone once again and Burrow has his 3rd touchdown pass of the night. Thanks for playing, Gators.

LSU stretches its lead to 42-28.


Kyle Trask is refusing to go quietly into that great, rum-soaked night. He leads the Gators on another long, excruciating drive that includes 4th-down conversions, interceptions being called back and everything else that make this Gators offense somehow work.

But on 4th-and-goal, Mullen calls an option look that ends with Trask being slammed to the ground. Which is exactly what that play call deserves.

The Tigers take over and run out the clock. LSU proves it truly is an elite team with serious National Championship level talent. And for the Gators, well at least Georgia lost, so that basically counts as a victory.

The final from Death Valley: LSU 42-28.