Certainly not tame, a bold (and rhyming) prediction for each Week 5 game

Four weeks of football are behind us, and we’re still making bold predictions. As usual, last week we had some highs (told you about Alabama rolling Vandy’s offense) and some lows (Who was that who said Mississippi State would win?). Maybe this is the week we get them all right. One thing is for sure, it’ll be bold. To increase the degree of difficulty, they’ll also rhyme. A wild — and rhyming — prediction for each Week 5 SEC game:

Bama wins … by 50 again

Once again, this is a match-up that looks very good for Alabama. Many are caught up in the fact that Ole Miss played the Tide well over the last few seasons. Not this year. Ole Miss has rushed for less than 70 yards per game and 2.8 per carry — and that came against South Alabama, Tennessee-Martin and Cal. Meanwhile, they’ve allowed 4.6 yards per carry to those same teams. This is another statement game for Bama, and if the Rebels can get out of it with Shea Patterson in one piece, they should be happy.

Chubb, Michel send Butch’s career to Hell

Similarly, Tennessee has allowed opponents to rush for 242.3 yards per game. Sure, Georgia Tech will do that. But even FCS Indiana State and bottom of the barrel UMass rushed the ball with relative ease on the Vols. Given that Georgia has one of the most potent ground attacks in college football, there’s no reason to think the Dawgs do anything but dominate.

Auburn wakes up as the West shakes up

There’s a tendency to assume that Auburn is a 9-point or so favorite over Mississippi State because the Tigers looked great last week while the Bulldogs looked awful. Of course, for the first three weeks of the season it was the other way around. But we’ll buy in on Auburn’s passing game and the return of Kerryon Johnson and Kamryn Pettway, finally united in the same backfield. Auburn puts up 500 yards of total offense and wins by 17.

For gamblers, Vandy is dandy

So let’s flip the last prediction on its head. Vandy was great for three weeks and was absolutely hot garbage last week against Alabama. So is everybody else. Meanwhile, Florida is a couple of lucky breaks away from being 0-3. The Gators have changed quarterbacks, but it’s still the same busted offense, and the same defense that has allowed 405 yards per game to Michigan, Tennessee and Kentucky — none of whom will win a gold medal for offensive effectiveness. Vandy is an upset pick of this week.

But on Bret you must not bet

But THE upset pick of the week? How about New Mexico State at Arkansas? Running back Larry Rose and quarterback Tyler Rogers are both big-play threats, and Arkansas’ offense won’t score enough points to put the game away. Here’s your surprise pick of the week, and it’ll lead to the non-bowl season that ends with Bielema stocking up on resume paper.

In College Station, Kellen is finally gelling

If Deebo Samuel were healthy, there’d be a real temptation to pick South Carolina to go into College Station and win. But he isn’t, and the Carolina offense misses playmakers in a big way. Meanwhile, Kellen Mond is finally emerging as the leader that Kevin Sumlin so badly needs him to be. A&M by two scores.

Troy will find some Tigers to annoy

Not going to pick Troy to upset LSU. The Trojans have an outstanding passing game, but this LSU team simply has too much talent to lose this game. They do, however, have enough focus issues to make this game competitive into the second half. Vegas has LSU favored by around three touchdowns. Looks more like a 10-point win here, and one that’s still in doubt until mid-fourth quarter. LSU looks very much like a third- or fourth-place team in the West, and gives up 300 yards passing to Troy (whose coach, Neal Brown, would look pretty sharp on an SEC sideline in 2018).

A week after not getting lucky, it’s a dull week for Kentucky

If Kentucky’s 31^st straight loss to Florida last week didn’t scream “emotional hangover,” then maybe no game ever does. As it is, Eastern Michigan was good enough to beat Rutgers. They won’t beat Kentucky, but much like LSU, the Wildcats will look sloppy and leave this game competitive for way too long before Benny Snell saves the day in the second half. A better barometer for the rest of UK’s season will be the following week’s game against Missouri.

Joe Cox

Joe Cox is a columnist for Saturday Down South. He has also written or assisted in writing five books, and his most recent, Almost Perfect (a study of baseball pitchers’ near-miss attempts at perfect games), is available on Amazon or at many local bookstores.