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The regular season is over, and the final week was unforgettable for some, and unavoidable for others.
Let others bring you the highlights, we’re delving into the lowlights.
Here is the worst of the worst of college football’s Week 13. As usual, we focus primarily on the SEC, but occasionally delve into the national scene to bring you something really pathetic.
1. Worst manners after a loss, player
https://vine.co/v/5FpzjhiEwZ6
Come on, Jabrill Peppers, you should thank Ohio State. They saved you from getting shredded by Alabama just like everybody else. Instead, you take it out on a joyous fan who will gain more celebrity for getting shoved by you than you will for losing this game.
2. Worst manners after a loss, coach
Go figure, because Bobby Petrino is always the epitome of (cl)ass, but he didn’t exactly respond appropriately in his post-Kentucky loss press conference. He fields a pretty run-of-the-mill question about Lamar Jackson’s judgment (Jackson DID turn the ball over four times), and lambastes the questioner and ends his press conference. Good to see he’s underachieving off the field as well as his team is on the field.
3. Worst performance by defending Champions of Life
What a week for Tennessee’s Butch Jones. He drops the “champions of life” bombshell, and then backs it up with a mind-blowing loss to Vandy, aided and abetted by a putrid defensive effort. Let’s review the Vols’ end of season run: allowing 635 yards to Kentucky, 740 to Missouri, and 608 to Vanderbilt. Maybe he meant champions of Life. Like this?
4. Worst egg laid in Egg Bowl
That would be Ole Miss, which had some injury issues, but also managed to somehow end up 5-7. And as neither Egg Bowl team ended up bowl eligible, instead of actual highlights, here’s a re-enactment of the game from Tecmo Super Bowl. Just swap “Eagles” for Mississippi State, “QB Eagles” for Nick Fitzgerald, and “Colts” for Ole Miss. It looked a lot like this.
5. Worst math — Transitive property
It wasn’t a good year for if A=B, and B=C, then A=C. Let’s run this back. For instance, on Saturday, Florida State beat Florida by 18. Earlier this year, Louisville beat Florida State by 43. Today, Kentucky beat Louisville by 3. Therefore, Kentucky should have beaten Florida by roughly 64. Right? So wrong.
Or try this one. Mississippi State beat Ole Miss by 35. South Alabama beat Mississippi State by 1. Alabama beat Ole Miss by 5. Therefore, South Alabama should beat Alabama by 31. Perfect logic. But insane.
Jokes aside, this was perhaps the craziest up-and-down season imaginable, inside and outside the SEC.
6. Worst handling of a coaching hire — LSU
Whether you think the Tigers eventually got it right or not, for the second time in two years, the LSU administration looked like clueless idiots. Either the grapevine that word travels by is too close to media ears, or they really have no idea from minute to minute who they’ll hire. For the second year in a row, it seems like the LSU decision makers allowed themselves to be unduly swayed by a last game against a Texas A&M team that couldn’t beat an egg by late November. Maybe Ed Orgeron will work out fine. But LSU looked a little nuts, regardless.
7. Worst second half of last regular-season game — Arkansas
Sorry, Tennessee. Getting outscored 21-3 would usually earn you this award. But then Arkansas went to the worst team in the league, nabbed a 24-7 halftime lead, and got outscored 21-0 in the second half. What a schizophrenic Hogs squad. They beat Florida by three scores, won seven games, and ended their season giving up the largest halftime comeback that Mizzou has managed since 1938. And this is a 4-8 Missouri team that was playing in front of a few close relatives and dozy upperclassmen who were full of turkey.
8. Worst game to match gigantic hype — Iron Bowl
Hey, Alabama was Alabama. Auburn tried anybody who could throw a forward pass at quarterback, and it didn’t make much difference. Suffice it to say that all in all, this was about the least memorable Iron Bowl possible. Even Bama fans were bored, and Auburn fans probably can’t wait to forget that this game happened.
9. Worst hydration — Vandy, with Tennessee assist
Somewhere out there tonight, Bobby Boucher was furious. Why? Watch the Tennessee running back literally take out Vandy’s supply of liquid refreshment. Gatorade, water, whatever it is, it is GONE in a second. Actually, considering the way they played after this, Vandy might dump the drink altogether.
10. Worst fake punt -—South Carolina
It probably didn’t matter tonight, but seeing punter Hayden Hurst tentatively try to run something like an option play and carry the ball on 4th-and-5 on his own side of the field was memorable for all the wrong reasons. Clemson had this one anyway, but Will Muschamp just made it easier with this odd fake punt.
Joe Cox is a columnist for Saturday Down South. He has also written or assisted in writing five books, and his most recent, Almost Perfect (a study of baseball pitchers’ near-miss attempts at perfect games), is available on Amazon or at many local bookstores.
