The All-SEC crime-fighting team of 2014
Student-athletes in the SEC are such athletic freaks that it’s easy to confuse them with the superheroes we grew up adoring.
But what if this year’s SEC stars actually did form a crime-fighting team? Who would make the team, and what would they add to the mix?
We at SDS thought about it, and this is what we came up with:
THE CANNON
Dak Prescott: The Mississippi State quarterback has the size and athleticism to ward off the nastiest criminals in the Southeast, but his greatest asset to the team of crime fighters is his cannon (a.k.a. his right arm). Prescott has the ability to strike down foes with long-range attacks thanks to his powerful arm, presenting enemies with a threat they might not always be able to see in front of them. Dealing with the physical freaks on this crime-fighting team will be difficult enough, but Prescott adds a wrinkle that makes the task even more challenging for villains everywhere.
THE BRAWN
Robert Nkemdiche and Reese Dismukes: Every good crime-fighting team needs at least one strong man, and this team has two in the form of Ole Miss defensive tackle Robert Nkemdiche and Auburn center Reese Dismukes. Both are large, powerful men, but they can also add different elements to the team. Dismukes is highly intelligent and would have an ability to react on a moment’s notice that others on the team might lack. He’s also spent the last four years protecting his teammates day in and day out, and even if he wasn’t using his size to battle villains he could at least ward off attacks aimed at other members of the team.
Nkemdiche is as powerful as any man in the SEC, and he could serve as this team’s equivalent to the Incredible Hulk. No, Nkemdiche is not going to chase any small, fast villains down, but if drawn into close-range combat there are few enemies on this earth capable of winning a fight with the Rebels star defensive linemen. Nkemdiche would physically punish this team’s foes, weakening them for the rest of the team to finish the job.
THE SPEED
Pharoh and Amari Cooper: The SEC offers as much electrifying speed as it does overwhelming power, and this crime-fighting team would benefit from the speed of both its Coopers. Pharoh is not only freakishly fast, but he’s as versatile as any member of this crime-fighting team. In addition to his speed, he also possesses a cannon of his own that would allow him to attack from close-range or far away. With his quickness, it would be difficult for enemies to keep up with him and even harder for them to land an attack on him. Furthermore, Pharoh has escapability that ensures he’ll also be in the best position to win a fight, making him almost impossible to defeat.
Amari Cooper is less versatile than Pharoh, but his straight-line speed would resemble this team’s version of The Flash. Amari could race to teammates to aid them or provide reinforcements, and he’s unlikely to ever be caught by an enemy in the midst of a battle. When used properly, Amari’s mystifying speed might be this team’s greatest asset as it is one trait that cannot be countered by even the most technologically advanced weapons on earth. If you can’t catch someone, you can’t defeat them, and that’s exactly the conundrum Amari presents villains as a member of this crime-fighting team.
THE MASTERMIND
Lane Kiffin: Every crime-fighting team needs a mastermind orchestrating the operation, and for this team Kiffin is the perfect fit as the leader of the gang. He’s not a head coach at the moment, but few minds made better use of athletic weapons this season than Kiffin did at Alabama. If there was ever a man to ensure speed and size were being maximized on the field of battle, it’s him. Furthermore, the men he leads often respond to his direction, and he is normally very popular among his players. That kind of rapport with this crime-fighting team would be incredibly valuable, as it would provide a certain amount of trust required for a team to defeat some of the more savvy criminals out there. Gus Malzahn was considered for this role as well due to his creative uses of athletic weapons, but ultimately Kiffin’s relationship with his team members earned him the nod.