With SEC Media Days starting on Monday, Saturday Day South has named their SEC All-Media Days Team. To be named to this exclusive and illustrious group, a player or coach had to be a show-stopper, had to wow the assembled media gathered.

Quick one-liners, extended rants, jaw-dropping stories and sheer pandemonium that kept the normally cynical media on the edge of their seats were the elements needed to make the squad.

These five men, based upon the last five SEC Media Days, are the chosen few.

Steve Spurrier, South Carolina – The Head Ball Coach will eventually win the lifetime achievement award. For years Spurrier has been dropping one-liners showing his witty personality. It doesn’t take Spurrier long; just wind him up and let him go.

“You think I make the schedule? If I made the schedule, Georgia would be playing LSU and we’d be playing Ole Miss.”

“It’s easier to win the national championship than the SEC. Ask Nick Saban.”

“He calls me his visor guy.” – when told that Hugh Freeze started wearing a visor as a high school coach to be like him.

“Not really. We got a buncha offensive players.” – when asked if Jadeveon Clowney will play on offense.

“It was a little quiet. Though it’d be louder. Most left by 9:30.” – when asked about his 50-year high school reunion.

“The Pope is 77-years-old and he’s in charge of a billion people. All I have to do is put 11 on the field.”

T.J. Moe, Missouri – The wide receiver had one of the best one-day SEC Media Day performances in 2012. With it being the Tigers inaugural year in the SEC, the brutally honest Moe was so good he got a very rare standing ovation from the media.

“It’s serious here. I wouldn’t be surprised if everybody was strapped with a gun.”

“Everybody wears a tie or sundress to games. Look at me (pointing to his suit). I wore a dri-fit polo to Big 12 Media Day last year.”

“I don’t think we’re 5-year-old kids running around without a helmet. I think we can compete.”

“They say girls are prettier here, air’s fresher and toilet paper is thicker.”

Robbie Caldwell, Vanderbilt – As much as Moe might have been brutally honest about the SEC and the Big 12, Caldwell was 100 percent honest about himself back in 2010. It was story time with Robbie, the unknown assistant who inherited the Commodores head coaching job.

“My first hourly paying job was on the turkey farm. I don’t know if I could tell you what my job was, but I was on the inseminating crew. That’s a fact. I worked my way to the top.”

“When I took a pay cut to go to Furman as a full-time assistant, my daddy said, ‘You’re an idiot.’ I’ve continued to live up to his words, I’m sure.”

“I knew I was a fat guy, but I didn’t need all these heavy-duty extra springs (on the podium). This job has been good for me. I’ve lost about seven pounds in the last eight days.”

“You know, I’m no angel, that’s for certain. We certainly do try to live by that. But, you know, it’s just a sign of limited vocabulary sometimes. I know y’all can’t tell it, but I do have an education.” – when asked if he’ll continue a no-cursing policy.

John L. Smith, Arkansas – Already a walking sound bite when asked the right question, the Hogs 2012 interim head coach will forever be remember thanks to Razorback linebacker Tenarius Wright. Wright was asked how Smith motivates the team.

Wright: “Coach tells us to ‘get your piss hot’ to motivate the team.

Smith: “Why did those guys tell you that?”

Smith: “Can we move on to the next question. At least one with intelligence.”

“Well, certainly. Do I look stupid? Don’t answer that!” – Smith, when asked if he wanted to coach an additional year.

Nick Saban, Alabama – A couple of days prior to the 2010 SEC Media Days, reports came out that Alabama defensive end Marcell Dareus was being investigated by the school’s compliance office. Tide head coach Nick Saban confirmed that Dareus was under investigation for attending a party in South Beach hosted by NFL agents. A good portion of Saban’s media day opening statement took agents to task, suggesting agents that get a college player ruled ineligible should have their license suspended. Saban, ever so eloquently, showed how much he dislikes them.

“I don’t think it’s anything but greed that is creating it right now on behalf of the agents. Agents that do this, I hate to say this, but how are they any better than a pimp? I have no respect for people who do that to young people, none. I mean none.”