Guide to SEC Trash Talk for Week 7: LSU vs. Florida. Texas A&M vs. Alabama
Week 7 of the college football season gives us a pair of Top 25 SEC games and a chance for 4 teams to make a definitive statement to the rest of college football — either that we’re ready for the Playoff or that, yep, we’re still Texas A&M.
We know that making jokes at your opponent’s expense is as much a part of the fan experience as anything else, and that’s why we want to make it easier for you.
So we’re providing you with all the trash-talking you’ll need to get through game week. Feel free to steal these one-liners and use them on message boards, social media, around your office, or wherever else you might need to. Although if you’re a visiting fan at Baton Rouge or College Station this weekend, you might want to keep these to yourself.
Florida Trash Talk vs. LSU
1. Sorry, but The Swamp is just the Diet Coke version of Death Valley.
2. The SEC only has room for 1 brash former backup quarterback who is now leading a major Playoff contender, and his name isn’t Kyle Trask.
3. Claiming the Gators are DBU over LSU would be like LSU fans claiming they are Jorts U … it’s obviously wrong and makes no sense.
4. Fun Fact: Florida had 2 good quarterbacks this decade and neither finished their career at Florida.
5. Sorry Dan Mullen, but if it happened to Tim Tebow, it will happen to you:
LSU Trash Talk vs. Florida
1. Ed Orgeron is like if you fed Dan Mullen nothing but Long John Silvers for 15 years, took away 75% of his football knowledge and 80% of the words in his vocabulary, and then asked him to coach a team he’s way underqualified for … other than that the coaching matchup is pretty even.
2. The Swamp is loud all the time, Death Valley is only loud when you give their fans 10 hours to absorb their horribly mixed drinks. Otherwise, it sounds like a Miami game.
3. It would be nice to hear why the LSU DBs think they’re the best in the country, but unfortunately, they’re too busy watching Texas throw touchdown passes over them to talk.
4. No offense to Joe Burrow, but if a backup Big Ten quarterback is the best QB your program has had in 15 years … maybe you should have made some changes a little sooner.
5. If Jimbo Fisher’s nephew could knock out folks on the LSU sideline, I feel pretty good about Florida’s chances.
Texas A&M Trash Talk vs. Alabama
1. Money can’t buy everything, just ask Texas A&M.
2. Maybe the real 12th Man is all the coaches the Aggies have fired along the way.
3. Who could have ever believed a coach coming off a 5-6 season and handed a $75 million contract would get off to this slow of a start?
4. A&M fans love their traditions, like the Aggie War Hymn, the Midnight Yell, and having a total existential breakdown after each loss.
5. If Texas A&M wanted to waste $75 million, they could have just invested in the ACC Network.
Alabama Trash Talk vs. Texas A&M
1. Just because the game is in College Station doesn’t mean you won’t get to see Alabama fans on TV this weekend. COPS is on every Sunday.
2. Some people make fun of Nick Saban because he’s short, but honestly, that’s just stooping too low.
3. But really, it’s not cool to make fun of Nick Saban for being short. If you met him in real life, you’d realize he’s really down to Earth.
4. Nick Saban is undefeated against his assistants on the field and winless in getting them to stay at Alabama.
5. And of course, who could ever forget this: