Tennessee's All-Decade Offense vs. Tennessee's All-Decade Defense: What would happen?
We thought it would be fun to take a stab at which unit was actually better.
Who would have the upper hand if the Vols’ All-Decade Offense played the All-Decade Defense?
Now I know what you are saying. The Defense can’t score that many points, so how will this be fair? Fortunately, during the Butch Jones regime, the Orange & White spring scrimmage had a point system that rewarded defensive and special teams plays. Did anyone understand the system? Heck no! Which gives me some liberties when telling everyone how this would have all played out.
Let’s get after it … and have a little fun in the process.
It’s a beautiful late Fall afternoon as the Tennessee defense runs out of the south end zone tunnel while the Tennessee offense takes the field at Neyland Stadium from the north end zone. Unfortunately, as many of these players took part in the strength and conditioning program during the Butch Jones era, at least 16 are injured during warmups. Still, the game goes on without them.
The offense gets on the board first with a 10 play, 80-yard drive that culminates with a Joshua Dobbs 11-yard touchdown pass to Alvin Kamara, who breaks 5 tackles on his way to the end zone. For some reason, Kamara gets only 2 touches the rest of the day.
The defense responds as Derek Barnett tackles backup quarterback Tyler Bray on the next series for a 3-yard loss, which earns the defense 3.14 points.
Suddenly, there’s a palpable buzz in the crowd when Lane Kiffin walks onto the field. When told he needs to leave since he didn’t coach Tennessee in this decade, he explains that he was in fact the Vols’ coach for 12 glorious days in 2010, so he can stay.
The 2nd quarter begins with the Tennessee offense on top 15.6875 to 9. Butch Jones, who has moved over to the offensive side, calls for a field goal on 1st-and-goal from the defensive ½-inch line. A near riot occurs in the stands as Aaron Medley’s kick splits the uprights.
The Vols’ offense extends its lead to 14.1054 points when Tyler Bray throws the football approximately 82 yards in the air to Justin Hunter for another score. After the play, former Tennessee assistant coach Ed Orgeron calls Bray and tells him not to go to class the next morning.
Jeremy Pruitt, who is coaching the Tennessee defense this half, pushes a white board to the ground in frustration. Immediately, national media members in attendance begin calling for his firing for his abusive actions toward office supplies.
The game hits intermission with the offense ahead 37.8 to the square root of 634.
Halftime activities include a strangely thrilling bocce ball match between one-time interim head coaches Jim Chaney and Brady Hoke. After the game, Brady Hoke texts Tennessee athletics director Phillip Fulmer. “PHILLIP I HOPE YOU DO KNOW I WOULD LIKE TO BE YOUR BOCCE BALL COACH I DO KNOW THE ENVIRONMENT WE LIVE IN AND WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE WITH BOCCE BALL AT TENNESSEE.”
In the 3rd quarter, the defense gets a spark as Cam Sutton intercepts a Bray pass and returns it 66 yards for a 7.223-point score. Bray responds by leaving the field, heading to Calhoun’s on the River, jumping on his jet-ski and motoring down the Tennessee River.
Before the 4th quarter begins, a Lane Kiffin tribute video is played on the Jumbotron, which was voiced, shot and edited by Lane Kiffin.
The defense continues to rally. They are spurned on following the return of Shy Tuttle, who missed the 1st half after falling on a helmet. Tuttle forces a fumble by Rajion Neal, then scoops and scores for a touchdown. It is pandemonium on the defensive sideline as that group takes the lead.
With only 2 seconds remaining, the Vols’ offense trails by 5.8 points with the ball resting at the 1-yard line of the defense. Butch Jones calls for a field goal but is thrown into the medical tent by angered offensive players, who are now coaching their own team, Varsity Blues style.
The game seemingly ends when Dobbs is stuffed on a quarterback sneak at the goal line by Malik Jackson. But the refs rule that the defense, at this time coached by Derek Dooley, had 17 players on the field. Given one more play, the Vols hand the football to John Kelly, who leaps over the line and into the end zone for a touchdown.
The Tennessee offense wins a wild affair 99.9-99.7.
After the game, Lane Kiffin returns to Oxford. Butch Jones heads back to the Alabama intern room. Jeremy Pruitt takes the short golf cart ride back to the UT football complex.
As for Derek Dooley, a week later he accepts the head coaching job at Southern Cal.