Like an idiot, I talked myself into Payton Thorne.

I was outspoken in December about the need for Hugh Freeze to dip into the portal, and by August, I banged the drum that Thorne would be the SEC’s most improved player in 2024.

An idiot, I am.

I watched Saturday’s meltdown against Cal and realized that even in Year 2 in Freeze’s system and Year 4 as a college quarterback, Thorne doesn’t have it. That doesn’t mean every performance moving forward will be as bad as his 4-interception showing in Week 2, but I’m out on the notion that he’ll figure it out and lead Auburn to a Year 2 improvement.

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In the wake of Thorne’s dreadful Week 2 showing — one so dreadful that he has fans making Venmo requests to him to cover their gambling losses — Freeze’s well-documented resistance to adding a 7-figure portal quarterback has been a popular discussion on The Plains.

In honor of that, I thought it’d be fun/depressing to pretend there was a world in which Freeze could’ve peaked into a mid-September Crystal Ball back in December. It would’ve allowed him to see which portal quarterbacks handled their transitions well (Cam Ward) and which didn’t (Riley Leonard and Grayson McCall).

These are the 5 transfer portal quarterbacks that, in a perfect world wherein NIL/interest lined up, I would’ve loved to have seen in an Auburn uniform:

5. Taylen Green

If you’re an Auburn fan and you haven’t watched the Boise State transfer spin it at Arkansas yet, get ready because Green is the Tigers’ first SEC opponent. The 6-6 veteran is still a bit mistake-prone, but it’s hard not to be intrigued by his skill set. Those long strides in the running game are greatly beneficial, as is his ability to throw off-platform to Arkansas’ big-bodied wide receivers … who don’t always help him out.

New Arkansas offensive coordinator Bobby Petrino hand-picked Green out of the portal, so there wasn’t some drawn-out recruiting process. But still, he would’ve been a clear upgrade in the run game (he’s 9th among FBS quarterbacks in rushing), and his gunslinger mentality would’ve been a nice match with Auburn’s overhauled group of receivers. On top of that, Green stepped in and immediately became a captain. His presence as the leader would’ve greatly benefited an Auburn team that’s still in search of an identity.

4. Kaidon Salter

It felt like it was going to happen because Freeze recruited Salter to Liberty after his troubling off-field start at Tennessee. Salter finished No. 3 in FBS in quarterback rating behind only Jayden Daniels and Bo Nix, which fueled Liberty’s New Year’s 6 bowl berth in 2023. For roughly 2 days, it appeared that he entered the portal with the lone purpose of heading to Auburn for a Freeze reunion. But then Salter returned to Liberty and Auburn’s potential January market dried up.

Salter would’ve allowed Freeze to avoid the scenario that he feared with a portal quarterback. Familiarity in the scheme would’ve been an obvious asset, especially given Freeze’s track record with Year 2 quarterbacks. Hence, his faith in Thorne. While Salter didn’t set the world on fire in a comeback win against New Mexico State, it’s hard to argue with the notion that he’d be an upgrade over Thorne.

3. Kyle McCord

It would’ve perhaps been a bit underwhelming to some if Freeze’s portal answer was another Big Ten quarterback who fell out of favor with his team. But after the way McCord kicked off 2024, how can you not be impressed by the Ohio State transfer? McCord looks more like the “one who got away” than “the one who held Ohio State back from a national championship.”

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It’s early, so take that with a grain of salt, but it’s not like McCord was a subpar player in his lone full season as a college starter. He just wasn’t the second coming of CJ Stroud/Justin Fields/Dwayne Haskins/JT Barrett. Auburn wouldn’t have needed him to be that. It just would’ve needed him to be a guy who didn’t have grenade games wherein throwing the football wasn’t an option. McCord certainly looks like he could’ve checked that box.

2. Jordan McCloud

One of the most underrated moves of the entire portal cycle was McCloud leaving James Madison to join the high-powered GJ Kinne offense at Texas State. The well-traveled McCloud was a big reason why JMU earned the national spotlight in 2023. Under Curt Cignetti’s spread attack, McCloud finished ranked in the top 10 in FBS in quarterback rating and passing touchdowns for an 11-win team. When Cignetti left to take the Indiana job, McCloud hit the portal.

The interesting note about McCloud is that unlike some of the others on this list, he was in the portal for nearly 3 months before settling on Texas State. The Sun Belt Offensive Player of the Year chose to follow in the footsteps of fellow well-traveled former Auburn signal-caller TJ Finley, who had easily his best season to date running Kinne’s offense in 2023. So far, so good for McCloud. On the heels of a 4-touchdown game against respected UTSA, McCloud is well on his way to being the latest Kinne quarterback to put up monster numbers.

One would’ve thought his background and skill set would’ve been ideal to gel with Auburn’s new pass-catcher weapons.

1. Cam Ward

Duh. This is the most obvious one. And before you tell me that he was asking for too much and that Auburn never would’ve agreed to that asking price, ask yourself this: What’s the price with what we know now? Like, after Ward went into The Swamp and looked like Brett Favre? I’d set it at $3 million. That’s how valuable he could be to Miami this season if he gets the Canes into the Playoff and out of college football hell. Freeze opted to instead spend on weapons to surround Thorne, which helped with the valuable post-spring addition of KeAndre Lambert-Smith.

At the same time, could Auburn have instead broken the bank for Ward and some cheaper veteran portal pass-catchers to complement those decorated true freshmen wideouts? Now, that absolutely feels like the better move. That’ll be the decision that’ll haunt Freeze, especially if Ward continues his blistering start en route to New York.