Pac-12 conference play begins this week, and there’s no better person to analyze what a potential battle royale might look like among the conference’s mascots than the professor himself, Washington State coach Mike Leach.

Leach’s Cougars play host to the UCLA Bruins, and he was asked at a recent press conference how this event would play out.

“Well, first of all, what kind of mythical powers does the Sun Devil have, we’ve got to consider that,” he said. “I’m going to say the Wildcat’s out. The Trojan, does he have a horse, or is he on foot? Does he have a bow and arrow, or just his sword? The Bruin, definitely formidable. Another bear up there at Cal. The Tree, that Tree’s going to get chopped down. Unless we’re going to go with a bird and somebody might get pecked or something, I don’t know. The Duck might lose interest and just fly away and get out of there, which may be good advice under the circumstances.”

Of course, Leach didn’t waste a chance to take a shot at his arch-rival.

“The Huskie, no chance,” he said. “The Beaver, we’ll see how long that Beaver can hold its breath. The Ute, again, we’re back to is he on horseback? Does he have a bow and arrow? Did he trade for a rifle? Because if that Ute’s got a rifle, there’s some definite problems. And you’d have to get one of those Harry Potter activists to read up on how you kill a Sun Devil, because there’s a lot of outside stuff there. Just as far as the beast alone, a Buffalo’s going to be pretty hard to tangle with, I mean a Buffalo is utterly outstanding.”

Of course, he couldn’t forget his own mascot, Butch the Cougar.

“Well, Butch is going to have to be clear-minded and crafty,” Leach said. “Butch will find a way, there’s no question, the Coug will find a way, clear-minded and crafty, a combination of stay out of harm’s way and attack when you get your chances or your openings.”

Video from Rob Jesselson of SWX and KHQ in Spokane, Washington below: