Step aside, Kirby Smart. I’ll take over from here.

You’ve got a problem and you don’t know how to fix it. It’s embarrassing, and for the second time in 3 weeks, it nearly cost your team a touchdown in the most inexplicable way possible.

Your players cannot stop dropping the ball on/near the goal line. I get it. It’s what all the “cool kids” are doing.

You don’t get it, though. You called it “a lack of respect for the ball, and a lack of respect for your teammates.”

I can only assume that you lost your mind when you saw Deandre Baker do it in Week 2 against South Carolina and again when Jeremiah Holloman did it against Mizzou on Saturday:

I’m sure your explicative-laden rants were epic, Kirby. And knowing you, your face was a nice hue of Georgia red.

But I also know how to relate to this generation pretty well because, not to brag, I’m a little closer to them in age than you are. So before you and other UGA fans go blaming the internet for why kids can’t hold their attention span long enough to carry the football in the end zone, just relax. I’ve got you covered.

Ya see, we’re living in an era when the new form of punishment in grade school is taking a kid for a walk and talking to them about what they did wrong (that’s what my mom, the kindergarten gym teacher, tells me).

Have you considered taking a walk with Deandre and Jeremiah? You know, it might put their minds at ease and show that you care about them more than they care about holding onto the football until they get into the end zone. Plus, recruiting. Who doesn’t want to play for a coach who can react in such a sensitive matter when every bone in their body suggests otherwise?

Don’t worry, though. I have more solutions for you, Kirby.

Have you thought about a rewards-based system? That’s a big thing with this generation, you know. They loooooooove them a participation trophy.

How about for every SEC game that your team holds onto the ball and hands it to the official after taking several steps into the end zone, you offer up a prize? Here’s what I had in mind:

  • Treat team — not just yourself — to Waffle House every day for 1 week
  • Host Fortnite tournament on beautiful new Sanford Stadium video board
  • Schedule private concert at UGA facility from Atlanta-area rapper
  • Let players watch people play video games on YouTube instead of making them watch film
  • Allow them to pick out new hairstyle for you

I know you aren’t on board with that last one because of the potential impact that could have on your visor look. We can scratch that if you want. Or at the very least, we can ask Mrs. Smart if that’s even on the table.

But my point remains, Kirby. Things are different now. Getting into the end zone and being able to toss the ball to the official isn’t what it was back in our day.

Er, your* day. I’m young, remember?

What you must remember is that the traditional disciplinarian style that you learned from Nick Saban can only take you so far. This is a new problem that you’re dealing with here, so you can’t treat it with 20th century ways. You can’t just expect players to hold the ball deep into the end zone because “it’s the smart thing to do.”

These kids can go viral on the internet and get crazy mentions on Twitter (it’s an app) if they do this cool new “dropping the ball on the goal line” thing. Remember, this is the same generation of humans that started eating Tide pods. Yeah, the little detergent balls.

You cannot assume that they know if something is painfully dumb or not. You just can’t.

So Kirby, consider this my plea to you to allow me to handle your problem. After what I saw on Saturday for the second time in 3 weeks, I knew I had to reach out and offer up my expertise. I knew that I could not stand by and watch this issue be mishandled.

Take my advice and thank/pay me later.

Preferably with a week’s worth of Waffle House.