Jon Gruden Rumors: 4 SEC destinations tailor-made for former coach

There are precious few true national treasures anymore that absolutely must be protected at all costs.

We aren’t talking Nicolas Cage movie franchises, either. True icons like roller coasters, NASCAR and the chili cheese dog require an enhanced brand of TLC to survive our turbulent times.

But we come humbly before you today to offer another singular bit of Americana that not only needs protection but is – in fact – aching to earn the ultimate form of relevance.

We speak, of course, about Jon Gruden.

There’s Talking Season and then there’s Grumors Season, which really should become a thing anytime the erstwhile former NFL coach and fully animatronic Chucky doll starts piping up about re-entering the game of football.

So when news broke Saturday afternoon that Gruden recently said “I’d die to coach in the SEC” when addressing the Georgia Bulldogs team on a recent visit to Athens, my brain got to thinking about the most bountiful potential destinations within the Southeastern By God Conference for one Jon David Gruden…

1. Arkansas

Listen, we don’t have any particular beefs with Sam Pittman. He seems like a pretty erstwhile dude just trying to cadge a couple ballgames out there in Fayetteville – at least according to what Netflix showed us in the “Any Given Saturday” documentary series.

But can you imagine just how much Gruden would energize Hog Nation if Arkansas pulled the trigger on Pittman and invested in Grudenomics? Arkansas would become the North Carolina of the SEC overnight, and the Razorbacks would be literally swimming in more free media publicity than they’ve had since a certain favorite son ascended to the presidency.

Gruden is known as a quarterback whisperer, too, and Arkansas signal-caller Taylen Green fits the bill perfectly as the kind of talent that would blossom under Chucky’s stewardship.

2. Mississippi State

I’ve visited every burg in the SEC, and thus feel uniquely qualified to state that Starkville is the most bizarre of the bunch. It literally feels like there is infrastructure for a town 4 times its actual size – making it feel like a modern-day version of the Old West ghost towns your parents dragged you to as a kid on vacation.

But if Gruden came to town ready to double-fist cowbells? Starkville would get the kind of boost – both of the economic and football varieties – that would shame Dubai’s city planners. And because the bar for success is so comically low right now for the Bulldogs, Gruden at Mississippi State would feel a lot like Steve Spurrier At South Carolina 2.0.

Now, the naysayers out there will say that coach Jeff Lebby is only starting his second season in Stark Vegas and that he deserves time to right what is truly a woeful Bulldogs ship. And that would ordinarily be true. But when a once-in-a-generation tour de force like Jon Gruden is available, does it not behoove the bosses at Mississippi State to write Lebby what would probably amount to a minuscule buyout to get Jon Freaking Gruden?

3. Auburn

Your humble scribe is already on record that Hugh Freeze won’t be coaching on the Plains come Dec. 31, 2025, and I stand by that prognostication even more now that Gruden has proclaimed his desire to coach in the SEC.

If for no other reason than he currently coaches for the same university that ran Tommy Tuberville, Gene Chizik, Gus Malzahn and Bryan Harsin out of town… Freeze is dead man walking at Auburn. The Little Brother-ism at Auburn simply cannot stand that Big Brother in Tuscaloosa engineered perhaps the greatest run in college football history, and therefore has been looking for the Family’s version of Nick Saban for the better part of 20 years.

Here he is, my friends… Gruden brings NFL bona fides and just the right brand of craziness to fit right in at Toomer’s Corner. If Gruden comes in and takes down the Crimson Tide, you better damn well believe he will be there armed with cases of toilet paper!

4. Kentucky

It isn’t so much that we don’t like Mark Stoops, because like Pittman and Lebby he seems like a nice enough fellow. But being the Fredo of the Stoops Family Dynasty has gotta have the few hundred football fans in Lexington wondering if he isn’t bumping his noggin on the ceiling of his coaching talent.

Gruden, on the other hand? Who cares if his SEC coaching experience is limited to working as a graduate assistant at Tennessee for the 1985-86 season… bringing him in to do battle for the hearts and minds of basketball-only Kentucky fans would make for must-see TV.

This has Netflix docudrama written all over, Big Blue Nation. Football vs. basketball on your own campus – it practically writes itself. Make it happen!

David Wasson

An APSE national award-winning writer and editor, David Wasson has almost four decades of experience in the print journalism business in Florida and Alabama. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times and several national magazines and websites. He also hosts Gulfshore Sports with David Wasson, weekdays from 3-5 pm across Southwest Florida and on FoxSportsFM.com. His Twitter handle: @JustDWasson.