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It’s “Movember” and shaving has taken a back seat for many men across the country, unless, of course, you’re playing quarterback at Florida State. Hypothetically speaking, though, as we know Jameis didn’t shave points since he told Jimbo he didn’t. Saturday had a couple of super close shaves that sandwiched some long beards of separation in the SEC, so let’s take a look at the action in this week’s Shocks, Shanks, Chafes and Predictions of the week.
Biggest shock: I read a few sources last week pondering the temperature of Kevin Sumlin’s seat. What. The. Fudge? All this guy has done for seven years as a head coach is compile a record 36 games above .500 including a 13-9 mark in SEC play in the greatest division of a conference in the history of organized football. OK, he had a dismal October, but is still on pace to have a similar campaign in 2014 as that in 2013 without some dude named John Pigskin.
While I scoffed at any hinting of Sumlin’s job being in jeopardy, I also scoffed mightily at the thought of A&M beating Auburn in Jordan-Hare. Sure they needed a couple of really peculiar fumbles to seal the victory, but let’s not forget how they got there with The Aggies snuggling an 18 point lead at one point.
The 41-38 loss was Gus Malzahn’s first at home since taking over WDE, and Auburn lost for the first time in 26 games where they rushed for 300 yards plus. I said last week we had some elimination games on tap for Saturday, I just didn’t expect this to be one of them. At the beginning of the season I fully expected the magic Auburn had in last season’s magnificent campaign to run out – I just didn’t think it would bite them in the tushy in the same game separated by a few minutes.
Both teams now look to the future of jockeying for bowl game positioning with the CFB Playoffs a distant dream for the Tigers. Ridiculously enough, by the month’s end Auburn could be behind A&M in the West if The Aggies run the table from here on and War Eagle drops a pair in Athens and The Iron Bowl. Is the SEC West overrated, or is it parity? I’ll gripe about that later.
Biggest Shank: I have to stay on this Auburn loss as I enter Shanksville, and not to pile on Auburn but to stop for a second and think about what’s going on in the SEC in general. It’s been wildly discussed that the romanticism over the SEC getting multiple teams in the first CFB Playoff was fading heading into the week, and in my eyes I think it is officially a rotting carcass sitting on the coroner’s table.
Following Auburn’s blunder the death knell almost sounded for sure in Death Valley Saturday night with Bama on the ropes against LSU. But like FSU fans boast about The Seminoles and Nick Saban will tell you, Row Tide “knows how to win games”. Doesn’t every team know how to win games, but some are just better equipped to do it than others? I digress.
Now I’m not part of the mob with pitchforks and torches out to bemoan the SEC, West or East, but the conference as a whole is shanking its way out of the playoffs and could provide the shank of all shanks before the season comes to an end.
If Bama beats MSU on Saturday, and I think they will, The Bulldogs fall down in the rankings but not completely out of contention. But moving forward, what happens if State loses The Egg Bowl and now has two losses? All the noisy cowbells in the world won’t put them back in contention.
Back to Alabama, what if they go on to lose The Iron Bowl or SEC Championship game against East team TBD? Now we’re rife with the power conference of power conferences having no team with less than two losses, and a potential conference champion that isn’t even ranked in the top 10 should the East pull out the victory.
Have I lost you? I think I’ve lost myself. I know other chips will be falling around the other conferences, too, but if this scenario happens and you have an undefeated or one loss FSU, one loss Oregon/ASU, one loss Ohio State/Nebraska and TWO one loss Big 12 teams in Baylor and TCU, the unthinkable could feasibly happen.
I’m going to go out on an unpopular limb here and say it: what if there’s no SEC team in the first ever CFB Playoffs? People can disagree with my assessment here, but this isn’t an opinion. This is a situational projection game of “what if’s” – and one that leaves me sadder than a puppy in an SPCA commercial accompanied by Sarah McLachlan music. But if all of the above happens in as preposterous of a manner as it would be, hell (Columbus, OH) could freeze over and the SEC could be on the complete outside looking in.
Biggest Chafe: A myriad of junk got under my skin this week worse than stepping on a sandspur shoeless going to check the mail. Not because of the sandspur, but because people still send stuff in the freaking mail. So in a mad fury, no rhyme or reason, let’s check on my chafes:
Big Game Bob: Can we shelve this moniker once and for all? Bob Stoops hasn’t won a truly meaningful game since 2008 against Texas Tech. I don’t mind if you reference that nickname when speaking of him in a past tense, but doing it now is sad. He’s the Al Bundy of NCAA coaches, living on a sliver of a dream of things he achieved many moons ago.
Overrated: Auburn lost to A&M, K-State lost to TCU and Baylor throttled Boomer Sooner, so the SEC West and Big 12 are now officially overrated, right? Each Power 5 conference has three to six teams with two losses or less, and when these teams play each other SOMEONE has to lose. In every other sport when top teams lose it’s called “parity”, but when it happens in college football it means that team was “overrated”. In every other sport we love when there’s parity, but in college football it’s perfection or bust. So what do we want? Oh, and cheering “over-rated” when a top ranked team loses is the most overrated thing about college football.
Fragility: Why do I have to carry my iPhone more gingerly than a newborn baby wrapped in a Faberge egg when I don’t have it in a case? Seeing people who don’t own a case lugging that thing around makes me antsy as hell. It’s like Michael Jackson dangling a baby from a window balcony.
The AP Rankings: I already said last week that I wish they were hung, drawn and quartered, but since they live, can we at least get rid of them past #10? In fact, let’s get rid of rankings past #10 in all polls. And please don’t show me “others receiving votes”. I don’t need to know that some joker really gave votes to Florida or Texas A&M because they won one significant game after a sea of garbage.
The SEC Network Ticker: Breaking News: Alabama 6, LSU 7. In what seems like an eternity (but may only five seconds) that “6” turns to a “7” for Alabama and I die a little on the inside. I’ve never understood the necessity to not just flash “7” to begin with, fully understanding that if it remains a “6” then the extra point attempt was a failure – which happens like 5% or less of the time. At least every other network does it instantaneously, but those wise guys on the SEC Network with their biases and ivory towers just have to be different.
My Lousy Predictions: My Fred Fenster “flip you for real” panned out this week as my heart and gut rolled 1-3 only to be bested by the flip at 3-1. I’ll take it. My 29-38-1 standing is still more pathetic than Jeff Driskel’s lone pass attempt on Saturday. I take that back. Nothing is that wretched. Let’s move on, and continue to get rich or die tryin’ with the flip.
Game of the Week:
Mississippi State @ Alabama (-7): Alabama has won six straight in the series by an average of 22 points per game. Being ranked hasn’t mattered for Clanga either, falling 38-7 in 2012 when ranked #13 and Bama was sitting at #1. Tables have turned slightly with MSU holding that top spot, but I think most have had this game circled as the bubble bursting moment for Dan Mullen’s season. With the game in Tuscabooza, I must concur. My Prediction: ROWDAGGUMTAHD 24, MSU 20; Flip You for Real: Bama -7
Games of the Weak:
Kentucky @ Tennessee (-7.5): Neither team is really that bad heading into this game with both at or near .500. But on the flip side, neither team is really that good. I’ve got to lean Rocky Top coming off a bye, newfound glory in Joshua Dobbs and UK’s head-in-the-sand performance against Georgia on Saturday. Let’s also not forget Tennessee’s won 14 straight at home in this series. My Prediction: Vols 31, Cats 27; Flip You for Real: Vols -7.5
Other games happening:
Auburn @ Georgia (-2): This game was a lot sexier on Halloween, and that has nothing to do with people dressed as Dawg or Eagle cheerleaders for trick or treating. And boy does Mark Richt look snazzy in a cheerleader costume. Auburn holds the all-time edge in this rivalry 55-54-8 but has dropped 3 straight in Athens. Expect a shootout. Oh yeah, Todd Gurley’s back, fattening up that running game with Nick Chubb. My Prediction: UGA 45, WDE 41; Flip You for Real: Auburn +2
South Carolina @ Florida (-4.5): The higher ranked team has won eight straight in this series and 20 of the last 22. Moral of the story: it’s been a long time since neither team was ranked in this game. Oh yeah – Steve Spurrier has some kind of connection to The Gators, too – so that’s going on as well. SoCar is 1-13 all-time in Gainesville, and Florida somewhat sorta kinda maybe seems to be streaking right now and could still win the East. My Prediction: Gators 28, Cocks 24; Flip You for Real: Gators -4.5
Missouri @ Texas A&M (-5): This is a tale of “who the hell’s showing up”? A&M showed it’s first pulse since September this week and who knows what you’ll get from Mauk? Swagcopter can further muddle the East with a win here. My Prediction: A&M 35, Mizzou 27; Flip You for Real: Missouri +5
LSU @ Arkansas (-1): Holy frijoles, Arky is favored! The last nine meetings have been decided by seven points or less, but don’t most LSU games finish within one score? LSU’s playing for bowl positioning while The Razorbacks just pray that SEC losing streak doesn’t hit 18. But it will. My Prediction: Tigers 33, Hogs 30; Flip You for Real: Arkansas -1
Ole Miss has a bye this week, which really gives them three weeks off in a row after toying with Presbyterian this past weekend, resting week 12 and then taking on Arkansas in week 13. That’s like a preseason leading up to The Egg Bowl. Vandy’s off, too, but since only Jay Cutler and Willie Geist care, I won’t attempt to either. Who am I kidding? Jay Cutler doesn’t care.
Follow me on Twitter @thenassar and tell me I’m an SEC hater because I dared to say the conference could possibly and maybe not make the playoffs.
An idiot college football fan spewing his views on SDS. A graduate of The University of Florida, his greatest gridiron accomplishment was several missed tackles on Tommie Frazier in high school. Much like the entire Gators defense in the '96 Fiesta Bowl.
