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Usually my mind is dedicated to what happened in the games on SEC Saturday, but Sunday’s news has totally outshined its more attractive day mate by a landslide. My mind has been a wreck of garbled thoughts all day. It’s legitimately like I’m having an argument with Bill Walton in there. No better way to cure that than by spilling them out in my Shocks, Shanks, Chafes and Predictions of the week.
Biggest shock: Alabama was involved in another colossal game, Tennessee’s offense was on fire, Florida and South Carolina went to overtime, and a bunch of other rather neat things happened on the grid iron on Saturday. That’s fine and dandy, but nothing gave me more of a shock than the SEC news on Sunday first starting in Gainesville and later coming out of Athens.
I’ve asked my family to pinch me to see if I am dreaming. They just gave me the awkward glare the sailor gave Ted Striker in the Magumba Bar the first time he met Elaine. The Will Muschamp Era of Errors is finished. The move didn’t shock me in total, but the timing was curious.
I began my day stupefied by the flack Muschamp received for the loss to SoCar. It was another tough defeat to endure but certainly wasn’t his worst. I’ve always contested that no loss is fun, but there’s firm a difference between losses you believe had effort and those you believe had none. To me this case was the former, yet everyone and their mother’s uncle were crying foul.
Maybe I’ve become so desensitized to losing under Champ that this one didn’t resonate with me so poorly. Maybe I had 84 double bourbon and Cokes at Gator City and was feeling too good to care. But whatever the reason – I didn’t care – and maybe that’s the saddest consideration of all.
So when I got the call that ding-dong was gone, I told the bearer of good news, “Surely you can’t be serious.” He said he was and to stop calling him Shirley. I obviously understand the move, support it and applaud all those involved in finally making it happen. I just don’t know why now, and not three weeks ago, or three weeks from now.
What’s better is the even more shocking nugget that Will gets to coach out the season. If it was time to make the move, then make it. It’s like dumping your girlfriend on November 16th but still celebrating Thanksgiving at her parent’s house because you already had it planned.
I will say this, though: the last time a guy was leaving Gainesville but got to finish the season, that stud muffin Ron Zook took down FSU in Tallahassee. Let’s see if Willie can do The Gator Nation and college football universe outside that corrupt dump of a city a solid and do the same. He does and I’ll give him a wink, a nudge and a butt slap.
Biggest Shank: Sticking with the same theme, it would be easy for me to lace into LSU and Auburn for their pathetic showings on Saturday as well as Florida’s special teams that were not-so-special, but the shank for me unfortunately goes to Todd Gurley with the news of his ACL tear.
What a difference a month makes. When October began, Todd was a front-runner for the Heisman and a Mel Kiper projected top 10 NFL draft pick with a promising career. A four game suspension and ACL tear later and we’re potentially talking about a guy whose name I could feasibly struggle to remember in 10 years until his 30 for 30 titled “Gone Gurl” airs around that time.
I know, I’m totally jumping the gun and overreacting. Many people come back from ACL injuries and he could go on to have a fine career. But many don’t, and that’s concerning for a guy who seemed to have it all just 45 days ago.
I give the guy tons of credit for coming back to play for Georgia this season. He didn’t have to. He could have let the suspension get the best of him, decided he’d put enough on his collegiate resume already and packed it all up to prep for the combine and draft. I’m not saying that’s what he should have done in this particular scenario, however, it would have been a lot cooler if he did.
We don’t know what lies ahead for Todd. I hope he makes that recovery and is back at it better than ever. Injuries can be more difficult to overcome for some than others. Just ask Marcus Lattimore. But for now, if I was Gurley, I’d call, email, text and Tweet the Georgia brass on an hourly basis and say thanks repeatedly for upping his insurance policy within the last two weeks at a time when they certainly didn’t have to.
Biggest Chafes: I’m sticking with the rapid-fire methodology from last week since, like Patrick Healy, I’m the kinda guy who likes to shoot from the hip:
Brand Protection: It’s mind boggling how much the coaches, school officials and police department will do to protect the brand of Florida State football at all costs, but how little the guys actually playing the game do. These guys chirp constantly about loving the school and their teammates, but do an awful job of backing that up with their actions. The next time I hear an FSU player boast “that’s just how we do things around here” I’d prefer it be in reference to not getting arrested rather than another come from behind victory.
Legalizing gambling: Why is my least favorite major sport’s commissioner, Adam Silver, stepping up and actively campaigning to make all of my fancy dreams come true by legalizing sports gambling? This dude’s been in charge for a few months and is making all the other commishes look like saps. If he is the driving force that gets this accomplished, I solemnly swear to buy full pre-game warm up suits for all 30 NBA teams. Even New Orleans. And I’ll look super ridiculous going full Pelican.
Speculation: Bob Stoops. Rich Rod. Jim McElwain. Mike Shanahan. Steve Spurrier. Bud Kilmer. Just stop. I don’t want to hear everyone’s best guess at Florida’s new coach. I also don’t want to hear that this guy that you know who knows a woman who works with a guy who once dated a girl who’s uncle has “the inside track” tell them that it’s “all but a done deal” that Jeremy Foley brought in a the world’s top voodoo priest to resurrect Bill Walsh’s dead corpse and he’s Florida’s next coach and you can “book it”. Until I read it on the ESPN scrolling ticker it’s all a bunch of baloney. And I wont stand for baloney, you know.
Poll reactions: Note to fans of teams not ranked in the top 4 this week: the season’s not over, this poll isn’t final and your team’s NOT missing the playoffs because of the week 13 rankings. This statement should remain a fixture of this piece until the season’s end when the complaint department official opens for business.
Quality casting: It pleases me to see rabid long-time Bama super-fan Melissa Joan Hart shilling for Wal-Mart in their holiday ads. This isn’t a chafe to me, but should be for Bama fans since it reinforces my time-tested theory that Bama fans love Wal-Mart. I mean you could legitimately rebrand www.peopleofwalmart.com to www.bamafansshopping.com and no one would notice.
Arkansas winning: Arkansas finally won this week, much to my chagrin. It’s been a hoot to poke at the Razorbacks Nation. Is that such a thing? Anyhow, congrats to the fans but boo-hoo to me. The SEC’s longest losing streak is back where it belongs with Vanderbilt, but it’s just not as much fun to make fun of the The ‘Dores fans. All two of them: Willie Geist and Jay Cutler.
My Lousy Predictions: The flip did zip for me this week as I was 3-3. Sitting at 32-41-1 I need to drop down and do some tebowing to pray for better results. Is tebowing still a thing?
Game of the Week:
Missouri @ Tennessee (-3): Last time in Rocky Top this game went to four OTs with nothing on the line. This time the keys to the SEC East are in the ignition for The Tigers, but they’ve yet to actually crank the engine. Mizzou’s won four straight and no one seems to care about that, their SEC Championship aspirations or their 8-2 record. Do they continue to fight with a chip on their shoulder, or fail to deliver against a Vols squad that looks entirely different than it did three weeks ago? My Prediction: Tigers 30, Vols 29; Flip You for Real: Vols -3
Games of the Weak:
It’s scrub city this week as a bunch of FCS squads travel to the SEC for a paycheck and a whuppin’. At least they’re not bottom feeders of the lower division, including a 9-2 Eastern Kentucky squad ranked #20 in that grouping and taking a trip Lame Duckville to face the Gators. Maybe Colonels’ HC Dean Hood can coach The Gators? He’s 18 games above 500 there.
Charleston Southern is 8-3 and at UGA, Samford is 7-3 and hits Auburn and Western Carolina brings a 7-4 mark to Tuscaloosa. As always, these should be no brainer, easy peasy, sure shot, barely-break-a-sweat W’s, but someone tell that to Georgia Southern last year at UF.
Since there are no lines, I’m going to make up an over/under here on total points scored by the SEC brethren and set it at 200. And I’ll go under. Who’s with me?
Other games happening:
Ole Miss (-3.5) @ Arkansas: This could have easily been my Game of the Week nod, but there’s more on the line the Missouri game for the landscape of the conference. After shutting out LSU, some may think back-to-back home wins could be in store for The Hogs after ending the losing streak. I won’t say it’s an unattainable possibility, but I promise it will be my shock of the week if it happens. Interesting sandwich of a subplot here: Arky’s 17 game SEC losing streak began against Ole Miss in 2012. Let’s hope we’re past that. My Prediction: Rebels 21, Razorbacks 16; Flip You for Real: Razorbacks +3.5
Vandy @ Mississippi State (-30): It’s clearly evident to anyone with a smidgeon of active brain waves that Clanga was looking ahead to this game in their loss on Saturday to Alabama. CLEARY. The ‘Dores are 101st or worse in the nation in basically every statistical category, so consider this a nice bounce back game for MSU before they go egging. My Prediction: State 51, Vandy 10; Flip You for Real: Vandy +30
South Alabama @ South Carolina: I almost feel like some jackhole is going to argue South Alabama is an FCS team, but that’s so two seasons ago. This should be a good week for Spurrier’s gang to catch their breath following the thrilling win against Florida and the in-state rivalry matchup next week at Clemson. South Cackalacky’s D has been pretty miserable this year, but The Jag’s offense isn’t a juggernaut. I look for an easy one here for SoCar. SoBama’s QB Brandon Bridge may be out for this game, and as a result no line has been listed. I don’t think it really matters. My Prediction: Gamecocks 49, Jaguars 7; Flip You for Real: If the spread is over 42, chalk me up for SoCar.
LSU, Texas A&M and Kentucky are off this week, although some can argue UK’s been off since October 11th. LSU and The Aggies can sit back and plot to face each other on Thanksgiving. I hope Les shows up in full pilgrim attire. I may start campaigning.
Follow me on Twitter @thenassar because I’m egotistical and just want to see my number rise.
An idiot college football fan spewing his views on SDS. A graduate of The University of Florida, his greatest gridiron accomplishment was several missed tackles on Tommie Frazier in high school. Much like the entire Gators defense in the '96 Fiesta Bowl.
