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We all know every Saturday in the fall is like Christmas but I can’t say I was feeling too merry about week nine. I went in expecting socks, underwear and a pink bunny suit from Aunt Clara, but by the day’s end I’d unwrapped an official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. And while I may have not shot an eye out, they almost popped out a couple of times giving me my Shocks, Shanks, Chafes and Predictions of the week.
Biggest shock: Top to bottom this was the most competitive day of the SEC this season. Ole Miss at LSU was the prize of the day heading in and it didn’t fail to deliver in the 10-7 thriller on the bayou. In the last 20 years a top three team has been defeated with 10 points or less just twice, and LSU’s done it both times.
Meanwhile, there was stiff competition to that defensive struggle from the Auburn/LSU arena football game with Spurrier tossing up a big middle finger to Vegas for being a 17.5 dog. Even with one game on the tube and one on my iPad, I needed Admiral Ackbar eyes to truly appreciate what was unfolding. Auburn’s win was tougher than expected thanks to some fired up Cocks, and the two combined for nearly 1,100 yards of offense. So it was the best of both worlds watching the defensive and offensive battles go head-to-head.
Earlier in the day Kentucky was an onside kick away from a major shakeup in Lexington, which was shocking following their shortcomings in Baton Rouge a week ago. That kick returned for a TD was a major Vegas swing on a 13.5 point spread, leaving me grinning like I just opened a leg lamp and others howling at the Bumpus’ hounds for destroying the Christmas turkey.
Missouri and Vandy seemed like a crapfest on paper but wound up being shockingly competitive. Although not very shocking that Mizzou didn’t play so hot at home. Big Bret did what Big Bret does and rolled the hell out of a non-conference opponent. Not shocking in results, just shocking to see a “W” for The Razorbacks.
And speaking of rolling, Alabama did just that (or is that “rowing”?) storming out the gate to a 27-zip lead in good ole Rocky Top with Lane Kiffin smirking like he just heard Lou Holtz sneeze during the ESPN halftime show. The shock here was the fight from The Vols. They could have easily rolled over and died against The Tide like A&M a week ago, but instead fought back like Ralphie against Scut Farcus. While they may not have left them a bloody mess like Ralphie did Scut, at least they let the league know they’ve got some gas left in the tank.
Biggest Shank: Beaux Wallace. If we still used typewriters as forms of communication everyone’s “B” would have cracked in half around 10:53 PM last night. (That’s Eastern Standard, the only Standard that counts). “Bad Bo” hit all time usage status around that mark in the social mediasphere as his pizza dough thrown in the air pass attempt was picked off by Ronald Martin to end the Rebels’ chase for perfection.
Despite all the bellyaching, was Bo really that bad on Saturday night in Death Valley? Sure he zipped a lot of incompletions and only threw for 5.3 yards per attempt, but Jeff Driskel refers to those kind of nights as “Peyton-esque”. He had to carry the load in the rushing attack since it was uncovered this week by virtually every media outlet how bad Ole Miss is in that category. Apparently, Les Miles and his staff must study up on their opponents and were ready for that unit.
But before I dive off a cliff and somehow start defending Bo for his body of work on Saturday night, let me get back to the heart of this segment: that game ending interception was monstrously revolting on a ball that should have been chucked way out of bounds. Film footage of that play should be shown for years on what not to do as a quarterback with the game on the line and still in field goal range. So shanks for that, Bo. Now go help Kirk Douglas fix his “B” on his Underwood Touch-Master 5.
Biggest Chafe: Anyone in the rest of The Power 5 – let’s call them “The Other 4” – suggesting the SEC West is overrated needs to zip it, lock it and shove it in their pocket. If four teams were worthy enough to be ranked in the top five heading into the week, one loss for an undefeated team doesn’t mean that the conference – let alone division – is suddenly overrated.
Its completely impossible for more than one team in a division of a conference of ANY conference in the NCAA to go undefeated. Not feasibly impossible – completely and utterly impossible. Looking ahead, it is viable that none of the teams in the SEC West will finish undefeated, but that wouldn’t mean that they are overrated. It would mean they are beating each other up, and someone at some point has to take a loss here and there.
There have been times where multiple teams from the same conference and division were good. Texas, Texas Tech and Oklahoma were rather stellar in 2008 playing in the same division of The Big 12. Ohio State, Michigan and Wisconsin were as well in 2006, albeit one conference with no divisional separation. Side note – common denominator for both conferences? They lost in the BCS title game to an SEC school. From Florida. Seems like another lifetime ago.
I don’t remember a gang mentality across the other conferences back then to bash the Big 10 or 12 with claims of mediocrity and more style than substance when one team lost. It just seemed rather inevitable that only one team could emerge undefeated, and in most likelihood one may not given the talent at multiple schools. But then again this type of thinking involves logic, and for most fans in “The Other 4” the knack for logic eludes them.
Yet here we are and the fans from FSU, Michigan State, Oregon, Notre Dame and even Ohio State with their lousy home loss to putrid Virginia Tech are flapping their jaws about being disrespected by the pollsters. I only assume and kinda hope it gets worse this Tuesday night when the first ever College Football Playoff rankings are released.
Speaking of which, I have mini chafe: Why are the rankings being announced on a Tuesday night, and every Tuesday night until the end of the season, when they finally get it right and announce it on a Sunday to set up the playoffs? Continuity, people!
My Lousy Predictions: While I loved all of the competitiveness in the games this week as a fan, I loathed it as a gambler. It was a 1-4-1 kind of week for me for my early picks. If only that MSU spread fell a half point before I wrote about it like it did when I actually took it. I’m sitting 25-32-1 after that disaster, and will need to get angry and rip off a Leonard Fournette facemask to get back into the mix.
Game of the Week:
#4 Auburn @ #7 Ole Miss (-3): Remember when I said this conference would beat each other up? This is basically an elimination game for one of these West contenders, although I’d still take a 2-loss Rebels or Tigers team over a 1-loss Ohio State. War Eagle hasn’t fared as well on the road the last few years including their lone loss earlier this year in the same state. Both come off very different thrilling games. I just don’t think Ole Miss has the offense to keep up. My Prediction: Auburn 24, Ole Miss 14
Game of the Weak:
Ole Dominion @ Vanderbilt (-10.5): The Monarchs have the better record by a game and are statistically much better than Vanderbilt except where it really counts: points against (121st). Vandy’s not much better at 100 and I expect them to be not much better than ODU on Saturday but better enough. My Prediction: Vanderbilt 35, ODU 34
Other games happening:
Florida vs. #9 Georgia (-13): It’s The World’s Largest Outdoor Bathroom Lines and Gathering of Jacksonville Riff Raff. Georgia’s won every game against my buddy Will and I see no indication why that would change here. Todd Gurley or no Todd Gurley, Nick Chubb’s ready to step up to the table and make me snicker every time Verne Lundquist overemphasizes the “B’s” on the end of his name….despite the shellacking I suspect for the Gators. My Prediction: Dawgs 38, Gators 17
Kentucky @ Missouri (-6.5): Minus a pasting of UCF, The Tigers haven’t been very good or impressive at home. Kentucky proved it wasn’t dead this week against MSU. Did that boost confidence or deflate them even further? I say the former. My Prediction: Wildcats 28, Tigers 21
UL Monroe @ Texas A&M (-31): Three straight losses and a tumble from the Top 25 means The Aggies are damn glad it’s November. Coming off a bye week and a non-conference opponent paying them a house visit seems like the recipe to put some grins back on The 12th Man. My Prediction: Swagcopter 57, Warhawks 14
Arkansas @ #1 Mississippi State (-11.5): An in-conference game for Big Bret? No thank you. I swore last week I was done taking Arky for anything in-house again. I’m sticking to my guns. I don’t even want to say they’ll cover. But God something tells me they’ll cover. Cripes. The streak moves to 17. My Predication: Clanga 45, Hogs 30
Tennessee @ South Carolina (-8): How did The Gamecocks lose to Tennessee last year? Revenge has to be on Spurrier’s mind and we know he just loves to beat up on UT. I mean you can’t spell Citrus without “UT”, right? You know how much Tennessee would kill to go to The Citrus Bowl again? You know how much South Carolina would kill to go to The Citrus Bowl this year? My Prediction: Cocks 34, Vols 24
LSU and Alabama have byes this weekend. NOOOOOO TIDE. Does that mean the number of arrests in Tuscaloosa goes up or down this weekend? Who am I kidding – it’s Halloween and I’m certain those charlatans will be on the prowl. And for those of you confused Bama fans, “charlatans” doesn’t mean I think you’re from North Carolina.
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An idiot college football fan spewing his views on SDS. A graduate of The University of Florida, his greatest gridiron accomplishment was several missed tackles on Tommie Frazier in high school. Much like the entire Gators defense in the '96 Fiesta Bowl.
