No, you can’t fire your coach today.

Yes, I know you’d like to, especially if you’re a fan of Penn State or South Carolina or the other USC (seriously, stop somebody, please), Iowa, Indiana or, sadly, Arkansas.

Heck, even Tennessee fans need to be reminded that as bad as Saturday’s 2nd-half meltdown was, it used to be a whole lot worse.

Everybody outside of Ann Arbor wishes Jim Harbaugh would go away, especially the NCAA folks who had a really, really tough week, but he’s having more fun than anybody.

Those are some of the 10 things I’m absolutely overreacting to after a wild Week 8 in and mostly around the SEC.

10. Alabama is the most underrated team in the country

The Tide entered Saturday ranked No. 11 in the country (you know, behind No. 10 UNC, which promptly lost to Virginia).

They’re playing like a Playoff team.

It’s all coming together at the perfect time, too, all setting up for a wildly compelling SEC title game date opposite Georgia.

No, this Tide team isn’t one of Nick Saban’s elite teams. Heck, it might be his 2nd-worst.

But it doesn’t matter. Not this year.

There is no super team this year — outside of maybe Michigan. There are about 15 teams, under the right circumstances, capable of winning this thing. That’s why 2 top-10 teams lost Saturday and 3 others dang near did.

Alabama absolutely is 1 of the teams with the best shot — and they’ll get that shot if they knock off Georgia.

9. I so hoped Jim Harbaugh was scouting in disguise

When news broke Thursday that the NCAA again was investigating Jim Harbaugh’s program — this time allegedly for illegal in-person scouting/sign stealing — I literally laughed.

All I could think about was Harbaugh — dressed as, say, Chad Powers — walking through the turnstiles at unsuspecting stadiums and doing the scouting himself. While serving a 3-game NCAA suspension for another rules infraction.

Literally, that sounds like a perfect plot line for an SEC Shorts skit.

I always root for the best, most entertaining story, and frankly, nothing this season could top that.

Unfortunately, it turns out some nondescript Michigan staffer apparently was the one doing the scouting. However, Harbaugh said he had no idea that was happening, which is as hysterical as it is absolutely, positively not believable.

I’ll let Ohio State fans overreact to the unfair advantages Michigan allegedly gained from learning a future Playoff opponent likes to blitz off the edge in passing situations. Or uncovering the clues to solving Iowa’s complex offense, something that might come in handy in the Big Ten Championship.

I mean, apparently it helped Michigan rally past mighty Rutgers in Harbaugh’s first game back.

Me? I’m from Richard Petty’s South, man. I grew up on “rubbin’ is racin’,” and “if you ain’t cheatin’ just a bit, you ain’t tryin’.”

Advance scouting? Sign stealing? Drones? Spying from dorm roofs overlooking practice fields? Oh, the horror. Bring back the SMU death penalty.

8. Did you actually watch Penn State-Ohio State?

I’ve said all season that the Pac-12 is the best football conference in America … and been amused each of the first 7 weeks when AP voters ranked 3 Big Ten teams ahead of Washington. (They finally ranked Washington ahead of Penn State this past week.)

I understand the gig. Voters don’t have time to watch anybody but the team they cover. Reputation carries the day.

That’s why GameDay was in Columbus.

That’s why Gus Johnson and Joel Klatt were pumping up “Maserati Marv” and THE Ohio State Buckeyes’ dramatic showdown against the undefeated Penn State Nittany Lions. Syllable by syllable.

That’s why, even late in the 4th quarter after another errant pass in what was then a 13-6 slopfest, Klatt was still chirping about great defense carrying the day.

Please.

Great teams can play low-scoring games, but it’s only acceptable when both defenses are otherworldly.

This was not that.

A week after the Washington-Oregon thriller, Ohio State-Penn State provided a master class in inept offense.

The difference in quarterback play in the Pac-12 and Big Ten is … substantial. The lack of playmakers — beyond Maserati Marv, obviously — was startling. Literally it looked like Maserati Marv (11 catches, 162 yards, 1 late TD) vs. 11 used family sedans.

If you watched both games — and I hope you did — the differences were obvious and drastic.

Bottom line: Washington and Oregon would beat the brakes off Penn State and Ohio State. USC would hang 40 on either one, too.

The first Playoff poll will be released Tuesday, Oct. 31 (Nick Saban’s birthday!), and I guarantee you the Pac-12 will be much better represented.

7. Little Game James …

Penn State coach James Franklin is a lightning rod. He’s arrogant and condescending, for starters, which would play a lot better if he had the hardware to back it up.

Know what else he is? All of the below:

There’s no easy way out — his guaranteed contract/$64 million buyout makes him the B1G’s version of Jimbo Fisher — but Penn State fans are fed up of seeing the same movie, year after year.

It’s more than his combined 4-15 record vs. Ohio State and Michigan.

It’s also the fact that his offenses have topped 30 points just 3 times in those 19 games (15.7%) — and 61 times in 102 games (59.8%) against everybody else.

Penn State is a bully. The Nittany Lions averaged a bloated 44 points per game coming into Saturday — and were held to 1 TD. But the national media bought in, again, and even Ryan Day hyped his defense’s effort in holding down a top-5 scoring offense.

Numbers lie, but Franklin’s history in big games doesn’t.

6. Coastal Chaos never dies

The ACC eliminated divisions this season, but it can’t eliminate the chaos.

Earlier in the week, we wrote a piece about where a Duke upset of FSU would rank in ACC history. We never even considered the possibility that a 1-5 Virginia team that lost to James Madison could ruin UNC’s perfect start.

But there’s a reason Coastal Chaos was a thing.

Virginia was a 3-TD underdog. UNC had scored 40 points in 3 consecutive games. Drake Maye was rolling, Tez Walker was back and Saturday was supposed to be little more than another tune-up for UNC’s Week 11 showdown against Duke.

UNC’s goals are still intact — in theory. They still can get to Charlotte by beating Duke and Clemson.

But after watching that performance on Saturday, what leads you to believe any of that will happen?

5. Predicting the Power 5 championship game matchups

  • ACC: Florida State vs. Duke
  • Big Ten: Michigan vs. Iowa
  • Big 12: Oklahoma vs. Texas
  • Pac-12: Washington vs. Oregon
  • SEC: Georgia vs. Alabama

Want complete chaos? Watch what happens if Texas and Oregon get revenge in their respective title games, Alabama delivers a 23-21 throwback win over unbeaten Georgia and 2-loss Duke topples undefeated FSU in its rematch. All 4 scenarios could happen, too.

(The thought of Iowa or anybody in the B1G West beating the B1G East champ is so ridiculous I couldn’t include it without laughing.)

4. The 4 Playoff teams are …

1. Michigan, 2. Georgia, 3. Florida State, 4. Washington

While you were sleeping, the Huskies survived a classic emotional letdown game and averted disaster against hapless Arizona State squad. These rankings combined body of work with a dash of real-time, so Washington drops from the top spot — which it would have done regardless. That’s how good Michigan looked.

Michigan State — of all teams — threatened to not play Michigan because of the scouting allegations?

That’s hysterical.

But not as funny as Michigan running it up on its rival — capping a 49-0 blowout by scoring a TD in the final 10 seconds.

As horrible as Michigan State looked during the week and during the game, it pales in comparison to what the trivia question is posted on the Jumbotron. Hitler? Seriously?

3. The SEC’s top 3 Heisman vote-getters will be …

… Ultimately, I believe the SEC will fail to produce a finalist for the first time since 2017. But these 3 will lead the way and should finish in the top 10.

1. Carson Beck, who gains momentum with a 300-yard, 3-TD day in the Cocktail Party — against a really good Gators secondary and without Georgia’s best player, Brock Bowers. Overall, Beck will capitalize on spear-heading Georgia’s undefeated regular season with better-than-expected individual numbers.

2. Jayden Daniels, whose bid to get to New York will officially end at Alabama, which is unfortunate because he’ll still lead the SEC in every major passing category. I have no idea why LSU was playing Army in Week 8, but Daniels added 4 more total TDs (3 passing/1 rushing) to his ever-growing total.

3. Luther Burden III, whose numbers will be too impossible to keep him out of the overall top 10. He added 90 more yards and another TD against South Carolina.

2. Utah players get a truck? Stop the madness, Congress!

Is anybody paying attention?

Or is everybody just hoping you’re not?

Sometimes it’s impossible to tell the difference.

Congress met this week for the 10th time to discuss all things NIL and, you’re not going to believe this, but some really dumb things were said.

According to Yahoo’s Ross Dellenger:

Sen. Lindsey Graham said: “Utah is offering everybody on the team a new truck. There is no end to this. … Between the portal and NIL, college football is in absolute chaos.”

And also: “If this committee and Commerce Committee doesn’t act in a way, this thing will be a mess and you’re going to destroy college athletics.”

Sen. Richard Blumenthal said: “We need to avoid a race to the bottom on NIL and a bidding war among colleges that often tempt college athletes with unscrupulous deals.”

Sen. Joe Manchin said: “If it’s all about chasing the dollar, that’s not what it was designed to be. If that’s it, go from high school to the pros!”

(Dellenger comically noted in a tweet that, um, Joe, there is a rule preventing college football players from going directly from high school to the NFL. He could have added the NBA, too, which also forces players to college, thus creating the equally horrible “one-and-done” epidemic that’s supposedly killing college basketball.)

Funny thing, though, there are no rules — and no outrage — about bidding wars, tempting coaches or preventing coaches from chasing that almighty dollar, scorned programs be damned.

I’m about 20 years beyond outrage on the topic of Players vs. Hypocrisy.

Hypocrisy is the greatest dynasty in NCAA sports history. Better than anything John Wooden built in Westwood … or Nick Saban at Alabama.

Hypocrisy is damn-near undefeated.

That’s why we’re at a point where Congress — Congress! — is arguing about the evils of paying players while failing to point a single finger at the culprits who started this mad dash for cash: coaches.

Every single 1 of the top 25 paid college football coaches was gainfully employed, tempted by a bidding war and willingly left for more money. The only asterisks are the 4 who were on staff and promoted — but even they left previous schools for more money, more opportunity. (Oh, and almost always a company car, but I can’t confirm whether it’s a truck.)

You want to make college sports better?

Eliminate guaranteed contracts. Eliminate tampering with a coach already under contract. Cap coaches’ salaries at no more than the chancellor’s salary. Give employed coaches “1 free transfer” — and then force them to sit out a year for every subsequent transfer.

All of that is utterly outrageous, right? Not to mention completely un-American.

That’s precisely the point. If only we gave players the same rights as coaches, we’d all be better off.

And Congress could focus on important things, which, on second thought, maybe isn’t an ideal scenario, either.

1. Sam Pittman is going to leave Arkansas better than he found it …

… Even though this season might produce the exact same 2-10 record that sealed Chad Morris’ fate.

Saturday was the type of performance that ends tenures.

Homecoming, average opponent playing a backup quarterback, a must-win situation in every way possible — and the Hogs responded with 3 points (and 2 turnovers), and lost their 6th consecutive game.

The end is never fun, but it usually looks a lot like this.

Pittman’s buyout is beyond reasonable at this point. Soon he will have a choice: Retire and enjoy lake life with the family — or jump back into the fire at another SEC program as an offensive line coach.

Most of us would choose Option A, but these guys are wired different.

Whatever he decides, his legacy is safe and secure.

He restored Arkansas from laughingstock to respectable. That’s no small feat in the SEC West, and it’s not usually something you say about a guy on the hottest seat in the conference.

Fan bases love to turn on a coach and call for his firing.

This won’t be that. Why? Nobody likes it when the nice guy finishes last.