Coaches as Christmas movie characters
Dan Mullen/Hugh Freeze: Cousin Eddie/Clark Griswald – A Christmas Vacation
These two coaches are in the same “Mississippi family” so it only makes since that we pair them as the cousins in “A Christmas Vacation.” Of course Dan Mullen is a dead ringer for Cousin Eddie, so High Freeze is Clark Griswald. Also I can easily see Freeze calling for Bo Wallace like Clark does Rusty. “Rusty!?”
Related: Dan Mullen wears an epic sweater at holiday party
Nick Saban: The Grinch
Let’s face it, Saban is not generally the most cheerful of coaches. Plus, he and the rest of his coaches are currently stealing all the recruits from other teams, which is pretty much the same thing as stealing presents from kids. I’m sure that after Alabama wins another national championship, his heart will grow back to full size. Well, maybe not.
Mark Richt: George Bailey -It’s A Wonderful Life
Sure, sometimes people rag on Mark Richt for seemingly always falling short of having a great season, but where would Georgia be if he didn’t exist? If the fans were granted a special football angel, they may not be happy with what they saw. Plus, George Bailey is a pretty decent guy overall, and that fits Richt very well. Remember when George Bailey has one dollar left in the bank after the financial scare? That’s like Georgia getting a bowl win after a relatively disappointing season.
Butch Jones and Derek Mason: Louis Winthorpe III and Billy Ray Valentine- Trading Places
Butch Jones is building what seems to be a strong program while Derek Mason is, well, he’s not in a good situation. Much like Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Aykroyd) was a budding young professional and Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) was a hustler. As the two characters find themselves in each others shoes, Billy Ray flourishes and Louis finds himself on hard times. Would the same happen if Jones and Mason traded places? Would Mason be able to rebuild Tennessee while Jones floundered at Vanderbilt?
Gus Malzahn and Bret Bielema: Harry Lockhart and Gay Perry- Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
These two coaches traded barbs over the last couple of years, but their verbal battles have been put on the back burner recently. Harry Lockhart (Robert Downey Jr.) and Gay Perry (Val Kilmer) spend the better part of the movie verbally battling. Of course as the plot progresses the two become closer and end up valuing the other for what they are worth. Similarly, both coaches have put their differences to bed, and the jabs have died down.
Les Miles: Batman – Batman Returns
If there was one coach in the SEC that could be Batman, is there any doubt that it was be Les Miles? He’s just a little off, so maybe the fact that he is off combatting crime in the bayou at night is what makes him a little nutty. It certainly explain why he has an interesting clapping motions. By his own admission, he doesn’t want to hurt his hands. Crime fighting would be much tougher with busted hands.
Jim McElwain: Rudolph
I have no idea where reindeer live, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was McElwain’s home state, Montana. There is just so much land there, it entirely possible that is where the magic reindeer practice their flying abilities. We also can’t look past those chompers McElwain has. He could definitely get through some carrots or apples or whatever reindeer eat.
Mark Stoops: Peter McCallister – Home Alone
Peter McCallister is the dad in Home Alone, just in case you were wondering. While Heard certainly plays a role in the plot, he is not the most famous, nor most entertaining member of the family. Cue Mark Stoops. Yes, he is a capable coach, maybe even a good coach, but he remains in the shadow of another family member.
Kevin Sumlin: Santa
No, Sumlin isn’t the heftiest coach in the SEC. No, he probably isn’t most cheerful. But he does have a swag-copter at his disposal, so if anyone was capable of delivering presents to the rest of the SEC it would definitely be him.
Steve Spurrier: The Old Man Parker- A Christmas Story
Once I started to picture Spurrier in this role, I couldn’t stop laughing. Instead of a leg lamp as his major award, Spurrier actually has a couple of actual major awards: the Heisman and a national championship. Spurrier would of course insist that each of his quarterbacks would need a Red Ryder gun for an arm.
Gary Pinkel: John McClane- Die Hard
Every year, heck, every game the odds are stacked against Pinkel and his Missouri Tigers. And seemingly every game, every year, Pinkel figures out a way to get things done. Sure, maybe he isn’t facing German terrorists, but the SEC is a formidable opponent. Also, he does cool things like dress up on “NFL Day” which is pretty similar to having really cool catchphrases, right?
Related: Gary Pinkel shows his swag on “NFL Day”