There are some things I’m just never going to be able to relate to when it comes to SEC culture.

Part of that is probably because I didn’t grow up in the heart of SEC country. Sure, I moved south of the Mason-Dixon Line more than three years ago and I learned the ways of locals, but I also learned that, in order to completely understand SEC culture, you pretty much have to grow up with it.

For example, I’ll never fully understand Sandra Bullock’s character in The Blind Side when she said that “I won’t wear that gaudy orange” when referring to Tennessee. I understand rivalries and competition, but not to the extremes that some fans/parents are willing to go to.

That brings me to a parent who has probably worn at least some orange. Well, I’m assuming that the mom of Auburn running back JaTarvious “Boobee” Whitlow, Pamela Whitlow-Holloway, wears blue and orange every Saturday and a few times during the week. I jumped to that conclusion because the video she released on her Facebook over the weekend suggests she’s no casual supporter.

On Saturday, Whitlow fumbled on Auburn’s second possession of the game. The redshirt freshman also went on to record a career-high 122 rushing yards in his second game of action.

But because of that fumble, Whitlow’s mom had him drop and give her 50 after the game:

“Dang, Boobee.”

Dang, is right. Momma is a stickler.

“I ain’t playing.”

Uh, ya think?

“And one to grow on.”

So, a few things here. One is that Whitlow has obviously done this before because there wasn’t much resistance on his part. He knew what was coming. I’d like to think that even as Whitlow racked up yards on a career day, he still knew those pushups from his mom were waiting for him after the game.

Speaking of those pushups, it’s my turn to be a stickler. I’d call those half reps because Whitlow isn’t fully extending his arms to come all the way up. Those triceps weren’t as engaged as they could’ve been. (I realize that the dude burned a million calories playing in a 60-minute football game at arguably the most physically demanding position.)

This fumble punishment was a less extreme version of what Tim McGraw’s character did in Friday Night Lights. Some pushups seem pretty harmless compared to drunkenly duct-taping your son’s hands to the ball after he fumbles.

Still, though. Parents obviously don’t like fumbles. And apparently I just like referencing football movies that Tim McGraw was in.

Another thing I’ll never understand is showing support of a team through shaved body hair.

Yeah, you read that correctly.

On Saturday during College GameDay from College Station, ESPN found a Texas A&M fan who was just a wee bit excited about the Jimbo Fisher era. How excited, you ask?

This excited:

I have no idea how one can shave his back hair to make actual letters and numbers. He definitely had someone else do that for him, which raises a different question. Why wasn’t the shaver the voice of reason?

Either way, I have no idea WHY one would shave his back hair to make actual letters and numbers.

At least this guy got on TV. But did anyone actually see his face? For the sake of his parents and the heat he’d get from his co-workers, it might’ve been a good thing that we only saw the back of this, um, “spirited” A&M fan.

Can you imagine if we saw an A&M fan do that on his chest instead of his back?

OH WAIT. IT ALREADY HAPPENED LAST YEAR:

WHY ARE A&M FANS WILLING TO DO THIS?!? THERE MUST BE A BETTER WAY.

I’ll never, ever, ever, ever understand the logic behind that method of fandom. I just won’t.

Here’s what I’ll say. If at any point before a game you find yourself saying, “I’ll show my fandom via a shaved number/name/logo into my body hair,” remember one thing.

#ItMightMeanTooMuch.