Fun fact about me: I’m an aspiring bulldog owner.

In this fantasy life that I’ve created for myself, my bulldog (Murphy) and I become best pals who spend our Saturdays watching way too much college football. Murphy watches me settle into my 30s with a smile and without judgment.

So why don’t I have a bulldog? And perhaps more important, why am I telling you this?

Well, the first question will answer the second one. Besides the fact that we already have a cat who’s 6 years old and not a guarantee to get along with a new member of the household, there are other risks with bulldogs. They often have major health issues and their life expectancy isn’t very long.

Oh, and one other thing is holding us back.

Apparently all SEC fans want to do is harm adorable bulldogs for no good reason.

Not 1 but 2 bulldogs are the subjects of this week’s #ItMightMeanTooMuch.

Let’s start with the dude who nearly took Uga, the beloved Georgia mascot, but elected not to. Call it an #AlmostItMightMeanTooMuch or whatever, but this story from Nathan Langfitt reminded me that crazy thoughts entire the minds of crazy SEC fans.

Credit: Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Just for some background, Nathan was in the Golden Band from Tigerland (the LSU band) when he was a student at LSU from 2003-07. It was a fun time to be in Baton Rouge. LSU won the 2003 BCS National Championship with a coaching staff of Nick Saban, Jimbo Fisher, Will Muschamp and Derek Dooley. It was the program’s first national title in 45 years.

Before that happened, though, LSU faced Georgia in the SEC Championship. Just before halftime of that game, which the Tigers were up 17-3 heading into the break, Nathan was in the Georgia Dome tunnel with the rest of the band. They were set to perform in the halftime show.

Just before they were set to take the field, Nathan looked down and saw that Uga was in his crate against the wall. For whatever reason, none of Uga’s handlers were in sight. The same dog that gets put up in 5-star hotels when he goes to the Rose Bowl was unprotected. Perhaps Uga’s handlers were in the bathroom, Nathan wondered.

Whatever the case, they were nowhere to be found. That meant Nathan suddenly had a massive decision to make.

“For a whole minute I contemplated what my life would look like if I put down my instrument and instead walked onto the field holding that ugly dog,” Nathan told SDS in an email.

His words. Not mine.

Keep in mind that at the time, Nathan was just a freshman. He didn’t know certain things, like how Uga was an institution and if he/anyone ever harmed a hair on his precious head (that includes you, Bevo), action would be taken.

But Nathan elected not to grab Uga and make a grand entrance. That was probably for the best considering in the state of Georgia, that might be punishable by death.

“Sure, it would have been a better story if I stole the dog,” Nathan said, “but I also probably wouldn’t have a college degree from LSU if that would have happened, so there are tradeoffs.”

Uh, ya think?

There’s the obvious individual sacrifice that Nathan would have made by committing such a heinous crime. But there’s also the macro issue with pulling a stunt like that.

Let’s say Nathan does pick up Uga and walk out onto the Georgia Dome holding the mascot in the air like he’s Simba. What if LSU blows a 2-possession lead and misses out on a chance to play for a national title? He’d be considered LSU’s Steve Bartman. Shoot, forget about not having a college degree from LSU. Good luck getting back into the state of Louisiana.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen. Nathan got his degree from LSU and now he works at the University of Texas, which means he’s excited about the Tigers making the trip to his neck of the woods next year.

Wait a minute. Bevo, the Texas mascot, was the one who actually charged at Uga.

I’m gonna need Nathan to give me his alibi.

You mess with the bull(dog) …

I have a saying that I like to live by.

“Don’t vandalize your rival’s statue because there’s always a chance they beat you like a drum.”

A couple of Arkansas fans should have lived by those words. If they did, they wouldn’t have gotten arrested for vandalizing the Mississippi State statue “Bully.”

These pictures, via the Reflector Online, showed the damage that was done to the statue back in September. On one side was “11/17” for the future date of the Arkansas-Mississippi State matchup, and the other side read “Woo Pig.”

People did have information on that. Timothy Yeldell, 25, of Fayetteville and Mathes Tillinghast, 24, of Houston, have been booked for the crime according to Starkville Daily News.

They were charged with felony malicious mischief, and their bail was set at $5,000 apiece. Both are scheduled to appear in court in the next few weeks. If convicted, they’ll face up to 5 years in prison and up to $10,000.

As for the statue, there was an estimated $1,000 in damages. Why? As was explained in the Daily News report, getting spray paint off marble ain’t cheap.

Little did the Arkansas fans realize that MSU would be 46 points better than the Hogs come “11/17.” So no, defacing “Bully” 10 weeks ahead of the matchup apparently didn’t intimidate MSU. Shocking, I know.

The moral of today’s story is a simple one — don’t even think about messing with a bulldog.