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SEC Week 10: Shocks, Shanks, Chafes and Predictions

Joe Nassar

By Joe Nassar

Published:

Hangovers hurt more than they used to.  What hurts even more is when the cause for the hangover is channeling your inner fat kid, picking through your children’s Halloween candy and binge eating all the Kit-Kats and Snickers – leaving only the repulsive Laffy Taffies for them to gnaw on.   And while my gut was aching and my noggin was crammed with Frozen songs belted by herds of girls dressed like Elsa on Friday evening, Saturday football was the remedy for my pain replacing those ailments with my Shocks, Shanks, Chafes and Predictions of the week.

Biggest shock:  The World’s Largest Outdoor Bathroom Lines and Gathering of Jacksonville Riff Raff.  Did you honestly think for one millisecond that Florida’s upset of #11 Georgia wouldn’t be my shock of the week? Granted it could have also been my shank but I’ll save that for another SEC East team. 

The Gators’ 38-20 win in Jacksonville was quite arguably the shock of the year.  Or are my jorts too tight?  UGA came in favored by nearly two touchdowns and I really thought that spread was too low.  I have a long-standing rule not to bet for or against my own team and I nearly went against that this week.

I argued vehemently all morning with a buddy of mine that was confident Florida would keep it close.  After the first quarter he apologized to me for his idiocy.  Nick Chubb was rolling like the double B’s at the end of his name off the tongue of Verne Lundquist.  Florida’s offense looked as comatose as ever only without Jeff Driskel under center.  And then a fake FG by walk-on Michael McNeely changed everything. This is my formal apology to the aforementioned buddy for his selection of Florida.  And for the record, my “Famous Guys Named McNeely” Rolodex doubled following that fake FG, adding Michael to the pile with Peter (slightly different spelling) McNeeley.

UF took the lead mid-second quarter and never looked back.  The Gators rumbled for 418 yards rushing – their most in an SEC game since 1975 and the most period since some cat named Emmitt Smith was toting the rock for the orange and blue. While Chubb had a fat first quarter UGA nearly abandoned the run from there on. Florida won its first game allowing an opposing running back 100 yards in the Muschamp error, I mean era, and Coach Boom broke a record on the positive side for the first time in forever.  Damn Frozen songs.

Speaking of Muschamp, as much grief as I’ve given this chap in his nearly four years wandering the sidelines for Florida, it was nice to see him victorious for the first time in this historic rivalry going 0-4 as a player at Georgia and 0-3 as a head coach for The Gators.

While this win is tremendously huge in the moment for Florida what it means long term is uncertain.  Muschamp’s time at the helm for The Gators is still likely done barring a win over FSU and an improbable spot in the SEC Championship game.  But for now it was nice to dust off the vocal chords and – ahem – bark “GO GATORS” a time or two on Saturday and just enjoy a victory. 

On the flipside for Georgia, the loss is tremendously huge in the moment as well.  Critics of their #11 ranking in the first CFB Playoff rankings can put a sock in it, and visions of crashing the actual final four are shot.  The loss also means once again Mark Richt’s name is decisively back in the hot seat conversation.  The folks running firemarkricht.net might want to get ready…

Biggest Shank: Things sure seemed a lot brighter for Steve Spurrier and South Carolina two months ago before they opened up the 2014 season against Texas A&M and the Ole Ball Coach was featured on SEC Storied The Believer.  I’m starting to think Kenny Chesney practices voodoo and used that platform as some sort of ritual to lure Spurrier in and take his soul for the 2014 season.  This whole “I’m a Gamecocks fan” act was all a ruse.

So while Chesney, Phil Fulmer and a bunch of other people who get corn from a jar guffawed late Saturday evening as The Vols completed an 14-point comeback in the fourth quarter to best SoCar in overtime, Stephen Orr Spurrier was left a exasperated mess of a man rambling off a 54-second press conference.

Things are askew in Columbia right now.  The Vols OT win spoiled a masterful performance by Gamecock sophomore WR Pharoh Cooper who caught two TDs, ran and passed for two more AND set a school record with 233 yards receiving. USC piled up 625 yards of offense but gave up 645 to UT with sophomore QB Joshua Dobbs accounting for 467 of them. 

That week in August seems like forever ago for a USC team with high expectations that wound up going – well – unexpected.  Three games remain for USC following a bye this week and I wonder if this 4-5 team can make it to the post season with trips to a now wildcard Florida team and Clemson. 

I also have to wonder about Steve Spurrier’s future in Columbia.  He’s definitely not in a hot seat; the damn thing’s not even lukewarm.  But if this season closes out in the worst possible manner with a loss to his former school and the in-state rival he’s owned in the Swinney era – The Believer may have just been the prologue to a send off for a remarkable career.

Biggest Chafe:  The first ever College Football Playoff rankings were released last week to a thunderous thud for the large majority of our mouth breathing sports fanatic nation.  I’d love to say the reaction didn’t stupefy me but it did, leaving me curiously clawing my cranium at the sheer absurdity that rests in the souls of said sports fanatic nation.

What I saw on Tuesday night was an intriguing take on the college football poll in a format that basically kicked the AP Poll to the curb.  What I heard from the angry masses was that once again, college football didn’t “get it right” and this was no better than the BCS. 

The question burning in my brain is this: what IS the solution to “get it right”?  Richard Nixon proclaiming which game was for the national title didn’t work. Just ask Joe Paterno.  The poll era didn’t seem to work.  Just ask Joe Paterno.  The BCS era might not have worked.  Don’t ask Joe Paterno.  And now this new era with a selection committee doesn’t seem to work.

People need to relax.  This year – like practically every other year – is going to play itself out.  It already happened this week with Auburn beating Ole Miss, and its going to happen many more times before the season comes to a close in early December.  This week three more fall completely out of the discussion with Notre Dame going to ASU, K-State visiting TCU and Ohio State sparring with Sparty.

To those fans and teams feeling “disrespected”, do me a favor and give us a reason to respect you.  Georgia moaned about it this week and immediately face planted against Florida.  Notre Dame did the same and almost fell to Navy.  Even FSU claimed the disrespect card at #2 and struggled against mediocre Louisville.  Flip it on us. Be Oregon and pound your Achilles Heel Stanford.  Be Baylor and roll Kansas.  Take note from my whipping boys Ohio State and maul Illinois.

What’s going to kill me is if the season comes to an end and we have Mississippi State and Florida State undefeated, meaning the BCS era would have seen this year wrapped up in a beautiful little bow.  But for now, we move forward with the Playoff era and hope for progress.

And speaking of progress, I give you my mini chafe of the week: can we just go ahead and officially give the AP Poll the death penalty?  The only purpose it serves is to give teams early season rankings that are realistically useless and grossly miscalculated for TV ratings.  South Carolina, I’m looking directly at you.  College Football has the popularity to draw in massive ratings in August and September even if a #1 or #2 isn’t dangling by a team’s name.  If you need those digits listed, you probably don’t care that much to begin with.  Go watch preseason NBA.

My Lousy Predictions:  Ah, gambling.  What I don’t understand is when you owe a bookie a lot of money, and he, say, blows off one of your toes, you still owe him the money. Doesn’t seem fair to me. Especially when he’s gonna kill me in four days anyway. Point being, I have flat out stunk against the spread in these past few weeks posting back-to-back one week wins.  I’m 26-37-1 and basically without a clue right now. 

I have no other choice than to go southpaw this week and flip my picks.  For those unfamiliar, what’s going to happen is I will predict a cover but my ultimate selection is going to be the exact opposite.  This should be fun and exceedingly frightening.  I’m also leaving the rankings off this week since they don’t officially come out until Tuesday now and aint nobody got time for that.

Game of the Week:

Alabama (-6) @ LSU: A month ago this game seemed like it wouldn’t be as attractive as in years past.  While both may be ranked lower than they have over the last four years when they’ve met, both have been firing on all cylinders as of late.  It’s a night game in Death Valley and that always ups the ante.  I can see this game going either way, but my gut’s telling me to Row Tide.  My Prediction: Alabama 31, LSU 27; Flip You for Real: Bama -6

Games of the Weak:

The Mississippi schools play a pair of FCSers – Ole Miss hosting Presbyterian and MSU entertaining UT Martin.  Take your pick on which drubbing is drubbier.  There’s no true Vegas line, so I take both to win by the highly educated guess of “a lot”.  I’m so fancy.  You already know.  Here’s my nugget of worthless information from these games: Presbyterian are The Blue Hose, their mascot “Scotty” looks somewhat like William Wallace and the name flat out makes me chuckle.

Other games happening:

Georgia (-13) @ Kentucky: The Wildcats have played much better at home in 2014 but have been rather poor against UGA historically.  For Georgia, they cannot follow up their nosedive against Florida with another blunder here.  Otherwise my comments about Richt and the hot seat may not sound so ridiculous.  My Prediction: Dawgs 31, UK 21; Flip You for Real: Georgia -13

Vanderbilt @ Florida (-13.5): The ‘Dores come in riding that staunch one game winning streak in the series.  That Vandy team was much, much better and is facing a Gators team showing life for the first time in nearly two seasons.  I don’t expect that streak to double to two.  My Prediction: Gators 40, Vandy 17; Flip You for Real: Vandy +13.5

Texas A&M @ Auburn (-20.5):  This spread jumped six points following the awful October for The Aggies, a suspension for Kenny Hill and an underwhelming win over UL Monroe.  War Eagle’s emotions are on overload following the win over Ole Miss on Saturday, but I feel they are in a different class than Swagcopter at this point in the season.  My Prediction: WDE 52, A&M 21; Flip You for Real: Texas A&M +20.5

I officially hate these flipped selections, which usually means they will cover.  Byes this week for Arkansas, Missouri, South Carolina and Tennessee.  That means no streak to 18, no slapdash play from Maty Mauk, no frustrations for SOS and no listening to Rocky Top.  Sadly, I’ll miss them all.  Except Rocky Top.  I never miss Rocky Top.

Follow me on Twitter @thenassar and let me know if you feel “disrespected” by my column.  I’ll probably just tell you to give me a reason to respect you.

Joe Nassar

An idiot college football fan spewing his views on SDS. A graduate of The University of Florida, his greatest gridiron accomplishment was several missed tackles on Tommie Frazier in high school. Much like the entire Gators defense in the '96 Fiesta Bowl.

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