Uncensored play-by-play commentary: Georgia vs South Carolina
Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of the Georgia vs. South Carolina game:
“Welcome to Week 2 of the college football season featuring the classic SEC matchup of two quarterbacks named Jake. The Gamecock fans are fired up, loud, and dancing like they’re FSU before an embarrassing loss. Let’s get to it.
“Williams-Brice Stadium is jacked up at kickoff as Sandstorm is blared through the speakers, an excellent choice because the last time the Gamecocks competed for a conference championship was when that song was relevant.
“Jake Bentley fires a pass straight into the facemask of a Georgia defender. Very lucky that wasn’t intercepted, he’ll absolutely learn from that and be much more careful with his next pass … and it’s intercepted and returned for a touchdown.
“This Georgia defense has so much swagger, they’ll drop the ball on the ground before they even reach the end zone. They don’t even care. Neither does South Carolina apparently.
“The EDM is not quite as intimidating this time as Carolina gets the ball back and goes three and out.
“UGA goes the length of the field in four plays, hurdling poor Carolina defenders along the way. We’re not even five minutes into the game and things are so out of hand, Gary Danielson is making jokes about his wife to pass the time.
“South Carolina’s offense finally finds a rhythm, mainly by drawing pass interference calls and narrowly avoiding illegal pick penalties. Eventually, a trick play results in a touchdown for the Gamecocks and the dubstep gets cranked back up to 11.
“Jake Fromm gets hit and gives South Carolina the easiest interception they’ll get all season, or at least until they face Feleipe Franks. South Carolina’s offense feels so bad for Jake Fromm that they turn the ball over on downs in a matter of seconds and give it right back.
“Now what we all came here to see, Rodrigo Blankenship comes on to hit the field goal and his specs glimmer with the light of God.
“Will Muschamp tries to give some encouragement to his team after a botched snap and the refs are so thrown off by his positivity that they decide to call a timeout.”
“Fromm gets sacked and we get our first longing shot of Justin Fields on the sidelines. The Bulldogs have to punt, and Carolina’s defense finally looks to be gaining some momentum, they can only hope Muschamp doesn’t try to clap and break it.”
“South Carolina finally finds its offensive identity, which is basically just having Jake Bentley backpedal 10 yards and then throw a lofting pass to a back just before he gets thrown to the ground. It works though and gets the Gamecocks in position to kick an easy field goal. Georgia has to bring out the oxygen tanks.
“The Bulldogs have to punt once again and the Justin Fields Watch is on full alert. Meanwhile, the Gamecocks lead an efficient drive down the field that ends with an 18-yard punt of their own.
“It all sets up perfectly for Blankenship, who Nessler says looks like Abe Lincoln, to end the half with a field goal. The Gamecocks may need four scores and seven years to come back in this one.
“Georgia gets the ball to start the second half and drives right down the field, scoring on a long touchdown pass from Fromm. The Justin Fields Watch is back down to just a warning level.
“Gary Danielson says now is the time for Jake Bentley to show what he is made of.
“Georgia once again drives right through South Carolina like they’re Dabo just before getting another speeding ticket. Touchdown UGA.
“I hear the end of the US Open women’s final is getting really interesting, maybe you should switch to that.
“Sorry, was watching Serena for a few minutes and when I flipped it back, Georgia had somehow scored another touchdown. I don’t know what happened, but if I had to guess I would say Carolina went 3-and-out and then Georgia easily went down the field and ran for a touchdown without much resistance.
“Justin Fields is in the game, now the Gamecocks have to really be nervous. Fields shows some huge potential on back to back handoffs and then pours it on with a 4-yard scramble on 3rd-and-10. Is Jake Fromm finished?”
“Very smart decision by Jake Bentley to save his best throw of the game for when his team is down 41-10 in the 4th quarter. That’s South Carolina football.
“Georgia has gone the past two hours without getting a solid commitment from a 5-star recruit. Has Kirby Smart lost control of the program?
“UGA meanwhile is calling nothing but fullback dives and somehow still picking up first downs. Probably because the defense is so scared of Justin Fields.”
“Georgia lines up in victory formation and they are off and running in the Playoff race. But, you know what they say: Football season doesn’t truly start until South Carolina embarrasses themselves in a nationally significant game.”