“Peyton Manning to coach the Tennessee Volunteers!”

Before we start assuming an iconic presence will work with Vols quarterbacks full time in the very near future, it’s time to consider something.

There are rumors, and then there are Tennessee rumors.

A Tennessee rumor is sensationally optimistic, speaks of naiveness and never comes true. It has a major sports figure coming to save the Vols or explains why a beloved Vol was slighted in some way with absurdities.

I first became aware of the “Tennessee rumor” as a teenager growing up in Johnson City in 1988. While visiting a friend, his father came into the den and exclaimed Jim Valvano was going to coach the Vols!

How could anyone possibly believe such a tale? Why would Valvano, then the head men’s basketball coach and athletic director at North Carolina State, leave his comfortable position of authority to start over again and be subservient to Doug Dickey? Additionally, the personality that was Valvano would never have willfully taken a job where he’d be second banana to Johnny Majors, if not Pat Summitt.

Not to mention leave a basketball school and conference for football ones.

A few weeks later, Valvano turned down UCLA to stay in Raleigh. Meanwhile, Don DeVoe returned as Tennessee’s head men’s basketball coach the following season.

If this was a single incident, it could have been chalked up as the delusions of a hopelessly biased fan.

But over the years, these sensationalist rumors surrounding the Vols kept coming.

THE TOP FIVE ABSURD TENNESSEE RUMORS OF THE LAST 20 YEARS

5. Bill Cowher is going to coach the Vols (2008)

This one wasn’t as talked about like the following four but did receive some talk show discussion. One host in Johnson City took to the airwaves insisting Cowher had been seen in Knoxville.

Perhaps the former Pittsburgh Steelers coach was changing planes. All reports, as well as his actions of the last 10 years, indicate Cowher is far happier as the centerpiece of “The NFL Today” than the days when he would get profanity aimed at him from his hometown fans after a Steelers loss at Heinz Field.

Furthermore, if Cowher was ever to return to coaching, doesn’t it stand to reason he’d return to the National Football League?

There’s only one Super Bowl-winning coach who ever returned to coach the college game. That was Bill Walsh who, after his stint as the lead color commentator on NBC’s NFL telecasts proved to be an endeavor in how many Joe Montana references he could make, was in need of a job and a return to Stanford made sense.

Cowher to Tennessee? Not even if it was the Titans.

4. Jon Gruden is going to coach the Vols (2012)

This one had more traction based on Gruden starting his coaching career under Majors as a graduate assistant. At least he had some sort of tie to the school.

But like Cowher, if Gruden was going to return to coaching, doesn’t it stand to reason it would be in the NFL? He’s firmly entrenched as a color commentator on “Monday Night Football” where he’s signed until 2021.

After a Super Bowl victory, going back to Rocky Top would seem like a desperate act to revive a coaching career Gruden shows no signs of wanting to return to.

Gruden’s agent, Bob LaMonte, said rumors his client had received an offer from Tennessee were from a “fantasy world.”

Generally speaking, unless a coach was a failure in the pros, he is not interested in a college gig. Recruiting is looked upon as demeaning, and the pressures far outweigh a cushy TV gig.

3. Heath Shuler will become Tennessee’s athletic director (2011)

Shuler’s only real experience with any sort of athletic administration was a short tenure as head coach of the National Indoor Football League’s Tennessee RiverHawks in 2003, posting a 6-8 record before the team left for Greenville, S.C. the following season.

Furthermore, Shuler was a prominent member of the United States Congress at the time, representing North Carolina’s 11th District.

Upon the timing of the rumor, Shuler was still regarded as something of an up-and-comer in the Democratic Party, though he had recently lost a race to Nancy Pelosi for House Minority Leader. Shuler was the co-chair of the Blue Dog Democrats, and if a more conservative voice was going to be present in the party, he was their best hope.

Shuler’s representatives first gave no comment to the rumors, then rejected them outright.

The idea of Shuler as an athletic director is not necessarily outrageous. Affable and successful in real estate as well as politics, Shuler would figure to be adept at budgets, fundraising and marketing. His background as a successful Vols quarterback and playing for the likes of Majors, Gruden, Phil Fulmer, Norv Turner and Mike Ditka would figure as a background for hiring good coaches.

But the somewhat rapid dismissal of the rumor by Shuler, coupled with the gall of Vols fans to believe running a college’s athletic department would eclipse the prestige and power of high-ranking public service, made this one hard to believe.

2. Steve Spurrier will coach the Vols (1990s)

After losing to Spurrier’s Florida Gators year after year, this was wishful thinking by the most partisan of Big Orange rooters.

Spurrier went to Science Hill High School in Johnson City, but the idea this would motivate Spurrier to leave his status as Gator royalty after more than 30 years to become the coach of a team he always beat was the height of absurdity.

1. An ESPN conspiracy prevented Peyton Manning from winning the Heisman Trophy (1997)

In 1997, Manning was the preseason frontrunner for the Heisman Trophy. But in the Vols’ third game, Manning had the misfortune of throwing an interception, which Florida’s Tony George returned 88 yards for a touchdown in the key play during the Gators’ 33-20 victory.

With an 0-4 lifetime record against Florida, Manning’s ability to win big games was put into question.

Meanwhile, Michigan was on its way to winning its first national championship since 1948. Its monster defense allowed more than 16 points in a game only once all season and was led by defensive back Charles Woodson, who would go on to intercept eight passes as well as play an integral part of the Wolverines’ offense and punt return units.

In November, a primetime ABC viewing audience saw Woodson catch a 37-yard touchdown pass en route to a 34-8 Michigan victory against second-ranked Penn State on Nov. 8.

The next week, Woodson recorded his sixth interception, caught three passes and even threw a 28-yard completion to quarterback Brian Griese off a flea flicker as the top-ranked Wolverines beat 8-1 Wisconsin, 26-16.

Meanwhile, Manning was inconsistent down the stretch. Against relatively weak South Carolina, he completed just 8-of-25 passes for only 126 yards and an interception without a touchdown in a lackluster 22-7 Tennessee victory.

When top-ranked Michigan played its last regular season game on Nov. 22, the Wolverines defeated fourth-ranked Ohio State 20-14 on the strength of Woodson’s 78-yard punt return for a touchdown and seventh interception of the season.

Now with the focus of the race on him, that afternoon Manning out-dueled Tim Couch’s Kentucky Wildcats to the tune of 523 yards and five touchdown passes in a 59-31 victory.

But a lousy 12-of-27 game against 3-7 Vanderbilt followed, and 159 yards with an interception and one touchdown pass meant the third-ranked Vols scraped by, 17-10.

Fifty percent of Heisman voters had turned in their ballot by the time Tennessee played the SEC Championship Game. While Manning had a fine day against Auburn with 373 yards and four touchdown passes to lead the Vols back from 20-7 and 27-17 deficits en route to a 30-29 victory, he also threw two interceptions, including one to Jayson Bray that set up the 11th-ranked Tigers’ final touchdown.

The bottom line was Woodson produced 11 solid games while Manning had nine. Michigan was also ranked No. 1; Tennessee was No. 3.

So for the first time a defensive back won the Heisman Trophy. Woodson’s victory was surprising, but ultimately the vote was the most lopsided in three years.

For Tennessee fans, this was their Cleveland Browns moment. Their “Fumble,” their “Drive,” their “Red Right 88” or Dennis Northcutt dropped pass. A heartbreaking loss suffered when victory seemed destined.

It was unique in that it occurred off the field, but because it did, Vols fans could point fingers not at their own player, but rather at a unique scapegoat: ESPN.

Manning simply couldn’t have lost the Heisman, and Charles Woodson couldn’t have won it.

After all, department stores in Tennessee were filled with clothes emblazoned with Heisman Trophy logos, and more than six dozen families in the Volunteer State named their newborn sons “Peyton.”

So the rumor of a conspiracy theory was born.

ESPN and ABC are one and the same, and ABC needed a good rating for the Rose Bowl!

So the wildly popular Michigan Wolverines playing for their first national championship in a half century wasn’t going to be a ratings bonanza? Besides, the Wolverines were playing Washington State. The Cougars’ quarterback, Ryan Leaf, had actually thrown for more yards than Manning had in 1997. Hard to believe now, but there was a serious debate at the time whether Manning or Leaf was the better quarterback.

ESPN put up Marcus Nash’s statistics instead of Manning’s on SportsCenter after the Kentucky game!

Does anyone really believe mentioning Nash’s statistics on a sportscast was the deciding factor for Woodson to win the award? Would anyone not know who threw the three long touchdown passes to Nash?

Sure ESPN aired a documentary in primetime on Manning the day before the Heisman was announced. It aired AFTER the vote was in!

So let me get this straight. ESPN conspired to give Woodson the Heisman to get a better Rose Bowl rating, but they aired a primetime documentary on Manning instead of Woodson?

The conspiracy theory also requires us to believe even if ESPN had this elaborate scheme to prevent Manning from winning the Heisman, there are no other media sources except ESPN to draw information from.

Yet with 19 years to heal wounds, some in the media still come off as Oliver Stone.

WHERE DO VOLS FANS COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?

To understand where Vols fans get their optimistic yet incomprehensible beliefs, one must understand the culture of east Tennessee.

The image of east Tennessee is one of tall hills and bare feet. Yet surprisingly, three of the nation’s top 100 media markets — Knoxville, Chattanooga and the Tri-Cities — are in east Tennessee.

That’s 2.3 million people, larger than either the Baltimore or St. Louis media markets.

And with all due respect to minor league baseball and mid-major college athletic programs, all these people have but one team to root for: the Vols. Throw in a less-than-critical media and an us-against-them mentality takes hold.

In conclusion, and coming back to the latest Tennessee rumor, one can easily see why Peyton Manning has such romanticism for the University of Tennessee.

But becoming an assistant coach would almost be demeaning, not to mention a serious pay cut.

Besides, the fastest way for Manning to lose his sterling reputation in Big Orange Country would be to become a coach. Just ask Majors.

Better to be a friendly face whenever Manning wishes to return to Knoxville and give guidance to Volunteers quarterbacks on an informal basis, as he has reportedly done previously.