How to convince your significant other to let you watch New Year’s Eve football
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The 2015 calendar year is closing out with a bang, courtesy of three enormous football games on New Year’s Eve, including two semifinals of the second annual College Football Playoff. For those with significant others, however, the confluence of the CFP on NYE presents a bit of a challenge.
Do you watch elite, premium football or spend an evening with your better half?
You are not alone, football fan. So wipe that egg nog stain off your jersey. Here are 10 airtight ways you can convince your significant other to let you spend your New Year’s Eve watching Alabama-Michigan State in the Cotton Bowl, Clemson-Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl and Florida State-Houston in the Peach Bowl.
1. Marry a Fan – That’s easier said than done, of course. But the best way to ensure unimpeded access to one of college football’s finest nights is to date someone who loves the sport just as much as you do. To put it in fantasy football terms, they’re what we call a “keeper.”
2. Playing the Clock – According to the NCAA, the average college football game lasts around 3 hours, 23 minutes. With the Cotton Bowl between Alabama and Michigan State kicking off at 8 p.m. EST, the game stands to conclude around 11:30 that night. That gives you plenty of time to throw on a plastic “2016!” tiara, grab a flute of champagne and make it in front of the television long enough to let Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin irritate you.
3. Kliff Notes – Tell her that all college football head coaches look like Texas Tech’s Kliff Kingsbury and not Bret Bielema. Pull up photos of the former Red Raider quarterback on Google Images and, hey, you never know. Maybe she’ll even invite some of her friends over to check this hunk out.
4. Friend Date – Send your significant other out on an evening with his or her friends. Arrange dinner, transportation and perhaps even tickets to see a show. Make it a surprise for extra flare. When they ask about your plans, tell them you’re just going to take it easy tonight, watch a little football and stay out of trouble. Everyone wins.
5. Play the History Card – This one’s going to take some acting on your behalf, so channel your best inner Meryl Streep. In this instance, you’re going to convince your significant other that we’ll never ever get to see Cotton, Orange and Peach bowl matchups of such epic proportions again in our lifetime. Make sure to point out that Florida State and Houston haven’t faced each other since 1978. Besides, New Year’s happens every year. The Seminoles vs. Cougars might not happen again until the year 2052 at this rate.
6. Lavish Gifts – Floral arrangements might not be a strong-enough bribe to do the trick on this one, so save yourself the call to 1-800-flowers. Let’s just say roses on the eve of the Rose Bowl might not be enough for your sweetie the night before the Sugar Bowl. Talking her into letting you watch college football on New Year’s Eve might cost you some quality post-postseason football time, perhaps a dinner at a fancy restaurant, some kind of spa treatment package or a weekend without kids.
7. Halftime Shows – Who doesn’t love halftime shows? More importantly, who doesn’t love John Fogerty? Your significant other loves it when you sing “Bad Moon Rising” at high-pitched, ear-splitting decibels in the car; so you know she’ll love the Orange Bowl’s halftime performance, right? If aging rockers aren’t her thing, then perhaps marching bands are. Explain to her that the Michigan State marching band will perform its Marvel halftime show during the Cotton Bowl. It’s the same routine they did against Michigan on Oct. 17, so you know it’s good.
8. Celebrate New Year’s Another Day – Calmly explain to her that the Chinese got it correct by scheduling their new year’s for Feb. 8, one day after Super Bowl 50 at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara. Tell her you eagerly await spending time with her in the year of the Red Fire Monkey.
9. Barter – You can offer to do laundry for a month, but we all know you screwed it up last time. Would it kill you to use dryer sheets? Prepare to turn your New Year’s resolution into a checklist of honey-do items that have been accruing since the start of the football season in late August.
10. Scare Tactics – Tell her that you parlayed this month’s mortgage payment on Alabama and Oklahoma, but the silver lining is that if the Crimson Tide cover the 10-point spread, and the Sooners cover their 3.5-point advantage, then you’ll buy her something special. If she sticks around, see No. 1 on this list (and perhaps couple’s therapy). For the record, we highly discourage this one.
Chris Wuensch is a contributing writer for Saturday Down South. He covers South Carolina and Tennessee.
