Santa Hayes is here, everyone, spreading peace, love and joy throughout the college football land.

And while I’m at it, some Christmas gifts for those involved in the greatest sport on the planet.

Remember, Santa hates no teams. But sometimes, tough love is required.

To every college football player in a non-Playoff bowl game: health above all — and eventually wealth down the road.

You’ve given 3 or more years to a university (or universities). You don’t need to potentially give away your future, too.

To every coach: An echo chamber, for your whining privacy. Stop complaining about loyalty from players who want to opt out of non-Playoff bowl games.

Is there loyalty when coaches hop from job to job, chasing the biggest job and paycheck? Of course not.

To Big Ten commissioner Tony Petitti: An autographed copy of What It Means To Be A Buckeye. May as well know it if you’re going to be all about it.

To Ohio State: Some light offseason reading for you, too. For the 3rd straight year.

To Alabama quarterback Jalen Milroe: A national title. Because without it, you’ll be benched for a 5-star recruit faster than you can Julian Sayin.

To Colorado coach Deion Sanders: empathy. You’re overwhelmed by the attention, you say? Your son, Shedeur, is overwhelmed by your horrific offensive line.

Maybe focus more on the former, and less on the latter.

To Texas QB Arch Manning: a huge postseason from Longhorns QB Quinn Ewers, one that makes the move to the NFL unavoidable. And leaves Manning with a starting job — instead of sitting another season as a backup.

Ewers’ backup, Maalik Murphy, entered the portal earlier this month, and now the only thing between a 3rd generation of Manning quarterbacks starting in 2024 is Ewers staying in Austin.

To Quinn Ewers: A top-10 selection in the NFL Draft. It started out rocky at Ohio State, and then got worse with an injury against Alabama. But the former No.1 overall recruit in 2021 — 1 of 3 recruits in the 247Sports composite history with a perfect score — finally looks the part.

To Florida coach Billy Napier: A sense of urgency. And a revamped defense with impact portal additions wouldn’t hurt, either.

To Gators fans: Visions of sugar plums (see: Lane Kiffin, Judd Fisch) dancing in their heads.

To Notre Dame: an open invitation to the SEC. Bring North Carolina along with you, while you’re at it.

To Florida State: Another unbeaten season in 2024, since this one apparently didn’t count.

To the Playoff selection committee: Wide Rights for the rest of your lives.

To the University of Michigan: Philosophical core values. You left your last at the door.

To NCAA investigators: a mirror.

To USC and UCLA: The Farmer’s Almanac. (Pssst, it’s not food, it’s weather).

To Washington State and Oregon State: A $400 million win in the court of appeals for the Pac-2. And the middle finger to the 10 who left.

To the Mountain West Conference: Unobstructed vision. The new Pac-12 is your future, embrace it.

To Clemson coach Dabo Swinney: A subscription to The Joy of Portaling.

To Miami coach Mario Cristobal: Cliff’s Notes on Game Management.

To the Big Ten and SEC: A line in the sand. The new Playoff contract in 2026 is 12 at-large teams and 2 rounds of campus site games, or nothing at all.

To ACC commissioner Jim Phillips: A big, fat karma sandwich. How does that 12-team Alliance Playoff block taste now, Jimbo?

To Oregon QB Dillon Gabriel: Roots. From UCF, to UCLA, to Oklahoma, to Oregon. JT Daniels is proud of you.

To Missouri WR Luther Burden III: A huge 2024 season. He stayed home (with the help of an NIL deal), and has helped turn around the Mizzou program.

Here’s to many more like him: Suntarine Perkins (Ole Miss), Dylan Raiola (Nebraska), Williams Nwaneri (Missouri) and Micah Hudson (Texas Tech), for starters.

The more homegrown talent stays, the more likely it is for new blood in future Playoffs.

To the bowl season: Relevance, forever. The sport is nothing without you.

To players: Revenue sharing. Don’t stop now, you’ve never been closer. Organize and collectively bargain.

The days of former Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany threatening to go non-scholarship football if players sued to make money off a video game (Remember that EASports NCAA game? Yeah, that game) are long, long gone.

That was 10 years ago. The college football world moves much faster now — with less obstacles at the top.

To university presidents: Humility. Don’t be shortsighted. Share revenue before some venture capital group starts a feeder league for the NFL — and takes the cash that should be yours.

To college football fans: Peace of mind. Don’t listen to town criers scream this isn’t sustainable. It is — and has proven to be in a short time — overwhelmingly sustainable.

If coaches and administrators were so concerned about financial sustainability, maybe they’d like to give up some of their annual millions to, you know, make everything more sustainable.

And to all: A good night.