Our weekly SEC football recap article where we celebrate the highlights and have some fun with the lowlights…

SERIOUSLY, WHO WANTS TO WIN THE EAST?

Georgia and Tennessee played today in a battle of who could throw the worst passes. The Worley Bird threw a number of ducks and Chad Pennington Noodle Arm Hutson Mason threw some bad picks and revealed to the SEC that he can’t throw the ball any further than a screen pass to Todd Gurley. The bigger question is why Georgia does anything besides hand the ball off to whoever is in backfield, and maybe throw something into the flat to a running back.

Tennessee actually looked pretty good for portions of the game, but appeared to be missing some masonry in that whole brick by brick deal. They have some great players, but are too hung up on the years of being bad that they just can’t quite get over the hump. The Worley Bird exited early with a busted wing and some guy named Nathan Peterman came in the game and got absolutely hammered. Worley did make it back into the game and managed to throw a few legit passes to get the Vols back in it. I’m not sure what this is saying, if anything, but Justin Worley showed that he was the better of the two QBs. He came out in the second half after putting some sort of bionic elbow pad on and made some plays to keep Tennessee in the game. If not for Tennessee placing the ball in the end zone for a Georgia defensive touchdown, the Vols very well could have won this game.

When things got a little hairy for Georgia, Todd Gurley once again proved that he is the best running back in the SEC, and very possibly the best player overall. Any time you hurdle someone on your way to passing 200 yards rushing, you gain 1000 Heisman awesome points immediately. That’s not how people measure Heisman points? Well it should be. In the end it was a close game, but it’s not any clearer who the frontrunner in the East is.

Kentucky and Vanderbilt also played. One guy in the office was watching, which seems like too many. It is never a good thing when a team looks better in a loss than they do in a win. Also, Vanderbilt goes yet another game without scoring an offensive touchdown. That makes three games out of five games where Vanderbilt has not scored an offensive TD. That has got to be some sort of record. Kentucky did get their first SEC win in like 100 years. Okay, not quite 100, but they had lost 17 in a row spanning back to November 26, 2011. That is a really long time to go without a conference win.

If you were expecting a shootout in Columbia, you were very wrong. I feel bad for anyone who even considered taking the over. Missouri headed into South Carolina and pretty much forgot how to play football. This matchup of two teams who control their own destiny in the East was a gross display of mediocrity. If you watched this game and felt good about your team, you must have been watching with your eyes closed. The most exciting part of the game was when Maty Mauk ran down Steve Spurrier, sending him into the bench. I’ve seen some Spurrier glares in my life and this is one of the most intense. Missouri got some revenge on the Gamecocks by scoring late and getting someone’s mom to flick off a national audience.

Florida had a bye week, but that doesn’t mean the week of college football couldn’t stick it to Gator fans even more. Departed QB Jacoby Brissett led NC State to a near upset of top ranked Florida State in a game where he threw for 359 yards and 3 touchdowns. Is Florida where QBs go to die? Would Jeff Driskel win the Heisman if he played for Kevin Sumlin? These questions haunt Florida fans.

BEST IN THE WEST?

Auburn handled Louisiana Tech, but it wasn’t overly inspiring even with the Tigers scoring 45 points. They looked sloppy and bored, but we’re not going to read too much into the game. Auburn plays LSU and then Mississippi State in the next two weeks, so we’ll get to see what Auburn is made of shortly.

Johnny Manziel showed up in Arlington to cheer his Aggies on to a victory. This whole day is fascinating to me. Jerry Jones loves Dallas, Arkansas, and Johnny Manziel – and they were all part of the same game! Head explosion! Arkansas did exactly what everyone thought they would(right?) and absolutely beat up A&M with the run game. In typical Bielema form, Arkansas went for a fake punt, which their Australian Rules punter proceeds to run 175 yards for a touchdown. Bielema was seen running full speed down the sidelines screaming “WOO PIG SOOIEEEE”.

What was a little bit more surprising, other than Bielema coaching the 4th quarter with his shirt off (definitely his most questionable coaching decision) was Texas A&M looking so disjointed on offense for the majority of the game. Kenneth Trill led the Aggies on a number of long pass plays to get them back in the game, as Arkansas seemed to forget that A&M likes to throw the ball from time to time. In what was the only reasonable outcome of the game, Bielema and Sumlin face off in overtime. Bielema was too busy drawing up a new windbreaker design to get Arkansas lined up on the first play of overtime, which of course led to a Texas A&M touchdown. Arkansas extends it’s SEC losing streak to 14, which is now the longest losing streak in the SEC.

Despite having an abysmal four turnovers in the first quarter, LSU somehow jumped out to a huge lead, and pummeled New Mexico State. Oh yeah, because it was New Mexico State. It is never a good thing when your fan base is booing your QB, but it’s hard to blame them when said QB cannot do anything resembling a good football play. This could be the end of the line for Jennings, as he really looked pretty awful and the LSU offense was clicking with Harris under center. Once Harris entered the game, LSU scored on their next 4 possessions. It seems like they have found who they need to trust their offense with moving forward.
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Ole Miss came out in some super fresh powder blue helmets against Memphis. They were plenty incredible on their own, but honoring Chucky Mullins makes them even better.

Let’s spend a little time on the Rebels kicker being booted from the game early in the first quarter. One of those, “is he down?” “he’s not down” “wait, is he?” “whatever I’ll just bodyslam him anyway.” led to a pretty large fracas between the teams, including punches being thrown. To recap, a kicker was thrown out of the game for fighting. This is probably the greatest moment in college sports history.

For whatever reason, Ole Miss decided to run a fumblrooksi against Memphis. Hugh Freeze is doing some good things there in Oxford, so I can’t question him too much, but, if that is a play you are legit going to run at some point in the season, why are you running it against Memphis?

Remember when a kicker was kicked out of a game for allegedly throwing a punch? That was awesome. It appears that maybe he wasn’t the one throwing the punch, but let’s not focus on that. The rest of the game was highly forgettable as Bo Wallace looked mediocre at best and Ole Miss barely escaped against Memphis. A win is a win, but Mississippi did not look like the 10th best team in the country.

Who looked the part as a title contender today from the SEC? With Alabama off, I’m not sure anyone who played today can win a title this year. Texas A&M probably had the best day with a clutch win against a good Arkansas team. The Aggies are off to a 5-0 start with two wins against good SEC teams away from College Station and three wins against awful teams. Regardless of whether or not the Aggies are the best team in the West – they probably aren’t – the bottom line is that Sumlin has this program in excellent shape and is going to be a legitimate player in the West as long as he is there.

Numbers Watch

  • Todd Gurley: Career high of 208 rushing yards in a single game. Gurley will likely become the third all-time rushing (in terms of career rushing yards) in Georgia history in the next game and then the second later this season leaving him second all-time behind Herschel Walker.
  • Arkansas has now lost 14 straight conference games – this is the longest active streak.

Key Plays

Ole Miss kicked off the game by having a kicker get kicked out of the game:

Here’s the most amazing play of the Arkansas vs. Texas A&M game. I love Australian Rules football:

Todd Gurley continues to impress on a weekly basis. The dude is a man:

Here is Maty Mauk trying to send Steve Spurrier into retirement:

What They Meant To Say

“I’m really just here trying to decide whether or not I want to be the coach here next year.” -Peyton Manning

“I expect this to get easier and easier. We’re 5-0. We just won in Jerry World. Charlie Strong is a mess. I run this state.” -Kevin Sumlin

“I’m down about this loss. We should have won that game. I need a turn of luck. Did I ever tell you about that time I was on this unbelievable run in Vegas? I was up $100k during a 22 hour blackjack binge. Not only did I crush the cards that night, but I also met this blonde. Yeah, she’s right here. Ya’ll know my wife Jen right? Man, that was quite a run. I need to get back to Vegas to find my groove. Once Ol’ Bielema finds his groove, look out SEC.” -Bret Bielema, Professional Football Coach, Semi-Professional Gambler