TUSCALOOSA, Ala. — Nick Saban wants reverse “rat poison” so we’re going to give it to him.

Don’t read the first half of this if all you’re expecting is sunshine.

We’re here to break down everything Saban and Alabama is doing wrong.

  • Nick, I’d rather you not be politically correct in your postgame press conferences. If you want to yell about something, yell about it. The reporters can handle it.
  • Speaking of yelling, why are you so angry up 22 points with only 13 seconds left in the game? Is it really that serious? Calm down a little.
  • How is it possible to recruit the best athletes at every position, but still have your fans holding their breath when the kicker takes the field on every attempt? What’s going through your head on extra points and field goals? Are you as nervous as Alabama fans on Twitter?
  • Is it possible to bring back JK Scott under a different name?
  • Did Alabama forget how to line up and run the ball straight at teams? Teams have always loaded the box against the Tide, and Alabama has still found a way to run the ball. What’s up with this offensive line?
  • How many times do defenders need to see a quarterback break a big run before they decide to stop him?
  • Why doesn’t Jaylen Waddle get more touches on offense? Spreading the ball around is cool and all, but Waddle is too electric to not get touches. Punt returns isn’t enough.
  • What the hell was that screen pass to Damien Harris on third and 20?
  • Why didn’t you cover the spread on Saturday?
  • Why don’t you have more 5-stars committed?

I know people like to overreact on the internet, but understand that was all in fun.

Rest of the way

When people say there is no one on Alabama’s schedule that should beat the Crimson Tide, that’s not a hot take. It’s about as lukewarm as a take can get.

Objectively looking at what Alabama has the rest of the way, who do you think has a serious shot at beating Alabama or even keeping the game close?

If you don’t believe me, let’s take a look.

  • Louisiana-Lafayette and Arkansas have zero shot of keeping it close. The Razorbacks are atrocious right now. The Citadel on Nov. 17 also has zero chance.
  • Missouri has a solid team, but solid doesn’t cut it against Alabama and especially not in Bryant-Denny Stadium.
  • Who knows if Jeremy Pruitt has what it takes to turn it around at Tennessee. Current Alabama analyst and former Tennessee coach Butch Jones left a massive mess for Pruitt to clean up, and it definitely won’t happen this season.
  • LSU gets Alabama at home, and the games in Baton Rouge have been close during the Saban era. But after watching the Tigers struggle with Louisiana Tech on Saturday, their odds of beating Alabama seem to be at an all-time low. LSU also has a tough schedule before Alabama that includes matchups vs. Ole Miss, Florida, Georgia and Mississippi State. We’ll see where the record is coming out of that run.
  • Mississippi State was exposed by Kentucky on Saturday. Heading into that game, the Bulldogs were one of two teams in the country ranked in the top-10 of scoring offense and defense (Alabama was the other). They managed seven points against the Wildcats.
  • Auburn’s offense looked about as sloppy as a team could look in a 34-3 win over Arkansas on Saturday. Something is off with the Tigers. They don’t have that bellcow at running back this season and it seems to be hurting the offense. Auburn has to travel to Bryant-Denny Stadium this year so you know the Tide will be looking for revenge.

If you seriously believe anyone on Alabama’s regular season schedule has a chance, let me know in the comments because I just don’t see it.