Sometimes, not everything that needs to be said can be said over a network broadcast. So that’s why we are bringing you Saturday Down South’s Uncensored Commentary of the Cocktail Party … Georgia vs. Florida:

Welcome to a beautiful day here in Jacksonville as we get ready for a huge top-10 showdown between Georgia and Florida and another big time matchup between security guards and way too drunk fans. Let’s begin:

15:00

Georgia starts with the ball and we’ll see if Jake Fromm can bounce back from that rough performance vs LSU or if today is the day we’ll finally get to see if Justin Fields can stay in the game for more than one play at a time.

The good news for Fromm is thanks to some strong runs and a misplaced Florida knee pad, Georgia has 1st-and-goal without him having to do anything. The bad news is, as soon as he did try to do something, he got immediately sacked and Georgia has to kick a field goal.

Georgia 3-0.

10:12

Now it’s Feleipe Franks turn, and he shows the nation his incredible arm strength by overthrowing a wide open receiver by about 20 yards. Then Jordan Scarlett fumbles the ball right into the hands of the Georgia defense, leading to a UGA touchdown three plays later. Dan Mullen is bringing the swag back to the Georgia Bulldogs.

Georgia 10-0.

6:19

Franks is determined to make up for his big mistake overthrowing the open receiver on the last drive, so he lobs a short arm pass on an out pattern that is intercepted so easily it almost looked like Franks was in on it.

But Georgia can’t do anything and they’ll have to punt.

Despite Franks’ best efforts, the Gators lead a productive drive down the field that sets up a 4th-and-1 that the Gators will go for. UGA is busy having nightmare flashbacks to LSU two weeks ago and UF picks up the first down on a penalty. Eventually Franks tumbles into the end zone and the swag is back on for the Gators.

Georgia 10-7.

2nd quarter

9:57

Georgia comes back and very quickly goes 3-and-out. For you analytics freaks out there, Georgia’s 3-and-out efficiency rate has been skyrocketing the past two weeks. But their WAR rating is still solid (Wins Above Richt).

9:31

The Georgia offense has been so inept this quarter so far that the CBS crew has been reduced to playing Uno on the sidelines.

Meanwhile, Emory Jones has played more snaps at quarterback for Florida than Justin Fields has for UGA. The Gators are finding some room in the run game, and even more impressively, finding the sky cam wire on punts.

0:50

Kirby Smart achieves the rare triple head-scratcher move to end the half: lets Florida run the cock, tries to score points, kicks field goal with 6 seconds left and two timeouts. Either Kirby has spent too much time with Dan Quinn discussing strategy, or he was busy playing Uno.

Georgia 13-7.

Halftime

Gus Malzahn is sitting in with the CBS studio crew, in what is effectively a live action job interview for next season.

3rd quarter

15:00

Feleipe Franks starts off the second half and looks like he drank a big bottle of Tim Tebow’s Secret Stuff. He throws a strike to Freddie Swain to give the Gators their first lead of the game.

Florida 14-13.

10:13

Jake Fromm answers right back by taking a big swig of Evander Holyfield’s Secret Stuff and leads a touchdown drive of his own, and this is shaping up to be another classic World’s Largest Outdoor (Redacted) Party.

Georgia 20-14.

5:24

Georgia squanders some great field position after a great return from Mecole Hardman, but at least that keeps their efficiency strong. The good news is they down a punt inside the Gators’ 1-yard line for Franks to take over.

Mullen plays it safe by running a QB draw out of his own end zone, but he forgot the fact that when Franks is your quarterback, there’s no such thing as safe. He fumbles and the Bulldogs get it first and goal from the 1.

From here, Georgia puts together the drive of a lifetime: 7 plays, 0 yards, 3 points. Georgia made trying to gain 1 yard look as difficult as stopping Tua on a 2nd-and-26 in overtime of the National Championship.

Georgia 23-14.

4th quarter

The Gators put in Emory Jones who slings one of the best throws of the night and gets Florida a first down on a pass interference penalty. It sets up a field goal and suddenly the game is right back to within one score.

Georgia 23-17.

10:55

I can’t wait for the 12-part true crime podcast series about the disappearance of Justin Fields. Only Sarah Koenig and the Serial crew can give us some insight on where he has been today.

Fromm, meanwhile, has the biggest drive of the season ahead of him. And when the team needs him most, a 3rd-and-long from the edge of field goal range, he delivers and finds Terry Godwin for the touchdown that all but ices the game.

Never mind, the podcast and Justin Fields can wait.

Georgia 29-17.

4:22

Now the Gators need two scores fast, but unfortunately for them, Franks is still in at quarterback. Florida quickly punts and the Gators fans file out of their seats and go back to doing what they do best, making fun of FSU’s season.

UGA takes over with the game all but over and decides to finally get the running game going. Swift break off a long touchdown run.

Then, to get us all into the Halloween spirit, CBS introduces the closeup Jim Chaney cam which will haunt children’s nightmares for years.

Georgia 36-17.

Final

Georgia can wrap up the SEC East with a win at Kroger Field against Kentucky next week in what will surely be the biggest game in modern UK football history.

Meanwhile Florida can take this as a moral victory and proof that Dan Mullen is on track to follow in the footsteps of past great Gators coaches who win championships and dominate for a few years before having a mental breakdown and quitting due to the unrelenting fan base.