College football coaches traditionally like to keep their quotes banal and devoid of much color or content. Not all of them, however.
The SEC will never be the same after South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier decided to hang up his visor, taking with him into retirement one of the best quote machines the conference has ever had the pleasure of calling its own.
Love him or hate him, Spurrier’s axioms never failed to entertain.
With the Head Ball Coach zipping his lips (maybe), it’s time for other SEC coaches to step up as the conference leader by saying something that no one sees coming.
Here’s a look at the SEC’s top coaches when it comes to quotability.
5. DAN MULLEN, MISSISSIPPI STATE
Although he’s a little more tepid than Spurrier, Dan Mullen has a gregarious side.
The Mississippi State coach may not be a practicing Scientologist as the Ole Miss message boards have suggested over the years, but he’s not without an otherworldly charisma. He’s also quite comfortable playing to the crowd, as witnessed by his singing …
https://twitter.com/leewdavis17/status/718841248996569088
As well as his press conference quotes disparaging that same Ole Miss.
“I don’t have any more respect for them (Ole Miss) now than I did last year or the year before or the year before that. It’s the same to me. Maybe they just haven’t changed their mascots, or done anything. They haven’t given me the layup to poke fun at them or anything like that this year.”
4. WILL MUSCHAMP, SOUTH CAROLINA
How can a guy nicknamed “Coach Boom” not be a walking trove of quotability? While Spurrier’s replacement at South Carolina is more (in)famous for his sideline outbursts, and his death stare, Will Muschamp is also a colorful quote at the podium. Especially when it comes to describing his recruiting prowess …
Muschamp asked his wife to stand up: "Gamecock Nation, if you don't think I can recruit, look at her and then look at me."
— Yahoo Sports College Football (@YahooSportsCFB) December 7, 2015
He’s also quite fond of the eateries he visits at every road trip.
https://twitter.com/kthree11/status/97048925911003136
3. BRET BIELEMA, ARKANSAS
Bret Bielema is on the fast-track to becoming the SEC’s No. 1 quote machine, now that Steve Spurrier is out of the conference. The Arkansas head coach isn’t afraid of going after other coaches, people on Twitter or anyone else.
But Bielema’s charm is best reserved for his unique style of humor and heat-of-the-moment slip-ups.
Bielema on Bijhon Jackson: "He has an incredible, incredible ass." http://t.co/MNcajxnWuL
— Barrett Sallee ?? (@BarrettSallee) July 18, 2014
Coach Bret Bielema's post game comment about his wife and the plane! LOL! https://t.co/y7FggINBF5
— HogSportsTalk (@HogSportsTalk) November 8, 2015
2. NICK SABAN, ALABAMA
Nick Saban belongs in the halls of fame for both the football coaches and orators of great quotes. How many other coaches, after all, can get away with redirecting questions to an inanimate bottle of soda?
When it comes to quotability, you won’t find the Alabama head coach taking the same jovial path as, say, a Bret Bielema or Dan Mullen. Saban is more of a cerebral thinker, but a great quote, nonetheless. To wit, according to AL.com:
“Mediocre people don’t like high achievers, and high achievers don’t like mediocre people.”
But he’s not without a certain crass charm that you’d expect from a man who has coached football in five different decades.
“And they (Georgia Southern) ran through our ass like $#!& through a tin horn, man. And we could not stop them. Could not stop them.”
#Alabama's Nick Saban on Kirby Smart to #UGA: "You can ask the bottle, don't ask me." pic.twitter.com/izK1YuIYPQ
— Kyle Burger (@kyle_burger) December 3, 2015
1. LES MILES, LSU
Les Miles is the king of quotability. The LSU head coach is a big fan of keeping his comments short and terse. And while he might not be a learned man in the traditional sense, Miles’ football genius is rarely ever questioned. As demonstrated by this classic Miles-ism, delivered to NOLA.com:
“When I wake up in the morning and I turn that film on, it’s like reading a book and it’s exciting. I don’t read books, but if I read books it would be like reading a book.”
When you’ve won 72.5 percent of your games and a national title, you can say things like that. You can also dictate just how long you want to talk and what you want to say.
Chris Wuensch is a contributing writer for Saturday Down South. He covers South Carolina and Tennessee.
