Week one is in the books. Fortunately, the state of euphoria that comes with the triumphant return of college football gets to happen for another 19 weeks. This is chiefly why I hold this glorious season in higher regard than Christmas. Instead of decluttering my home of decorations and finding space in my kid’s rooms to cram their new junk on top of their old junk, I just get to hit reset and do it all over again.
Speaking of hitting reset, South Carolina was my sneaky pick to make it to the College Football Playoffs this year. I got extra cocky watching the SEC Storied “The Believer” the night before kickoff. I was convinced the stars were aligning for Steve Spurrier starting with this great tale on The Ole Ball Coach to be followed by a solid win over TAMU the next night. And then Kenny Hill showed up.
Hill’s amazing performance is a perfect example of why week one is so great. You think you know what’s going on, but you really don’t know until that ball is in the air and bodies are flying. All that’s left is my Shock, Shank and Chafe of the week.
Biggest Shock: We all know about Cock N’ Misfire, so let’s roll with Tennessee’s win over Utah State. These Aggies have had an impressive three-year run, and I expected a bigger challenge for The Vols. So did Vegas since the line was set at under a touchdown. Tennessee showed a passion I haven’t seen in quite some time. Maybe it’s time for the folks on Rocky Top to get their jars of corn and be excited about football again.
Biggest Shank: Vanderbilt football looks like Vanderbilt football again. I expected a drop off from the James Franklin era, but I didn’t expect the shellacking we saw at the hands of a Temple team that won only one game in 2013. That win was at Memphis. Maybe The Owls should volunteer to visit The Volunteer State with more frequency.
Biggest Chafe: I’m convinced Brent Musburger and Jesse Palmer had a bet going for who could say “Ricky Seals-Jones” the most on Thursday night. There’s a growing epidemic of the necessity to say a player’s full name by the sports broadcasting society, and I think the longer the name the more inclined they are to rattle its entirety. To my knowledge, there wasn’t another Jones, Seals-Jones or even another freaking Ricky catching balls for A&M, so referring to him as such just once would have been satisfying.
Turning the page from week one to two, let’s go ahead with some Nassar predictions. Lined games only, because I have a gambling problem.
Florida Atlantic @ Alabama (-40.5): Not a good draw for The Owls coming off a throttling by Nebraska and Tidal Town looking to show some teeth after a ho-hum win over West Virginia. Just not a full set of teeth. Come on. It’s Alabama. Nassar Prediction: ROW TIDE 47, FAU 6
Missouri (-6.5) @ Toledo: What am I missing here, Vegas? Is The Glass Bowl that intimidating, or were The Rockets that impressive beating New Hampshire week one? That line seems too easy, which means it probably isn’t. Nassar Prediction: Tigers 34, Rockets 28
Arkansas State @ Tennessee (-17): I already touched on being impressed by The Vols. They continue to look good here at home sweet home. Expect to hear from the band quite a bit. Nassar Prediction: Vols 45, Red Wolves 17
UAB @ Mississippi State (-28.5): The Bulldogs were solid in week one, as were The Blazers. MSU isn’t Troy, though, and it should be a long night in Starkville. Nassar Prediction: Bulldogs 56, Blazers 14
Ohio @ Kentucky (-10): The Wildcats looked impressive against UT Martin, but that’s not very difficult. The Bobcats squeaked out a MAC win on the road against Kent State, and I think they’ll put up a good effort in Lexington. Nassar Prediction: WCats 24, BCats 16
Eastern Michigan @ Florida (-37.5): The rain cancellation in Gainesville against Idaho means we still have no clue what to expect from the 2014 Gators. The spread is more points than any output by Florida in 2013. Let’s see if they can cover it. Nassar Prediction: Gators 38, Eagles 0
Ole Miss (-20) @ Vandy: The Rebels looked sluggish until the end against Boise State last week. The Commodores looked sluggish all game. I expect a better all around effort from Ole Miss, which is bad news for the three fans left in Nashville. Nassar Prediction: Rebs 45, ‘Dores 10
East Carolina @ South Carolina (-16): How do The Cocks respond after getting their wind knocked out of them? I have to believe the defense will look a tad bit better this week. Nassar Prediction: Cocks 41, Pirates 10
San Jose State @ Auburn (-31): I kept thinking Arkansas had an upset shot against Auburn on Saturday and felt like a pure genius until Auburn adjusted. I don’t expect second half adjustments as a necessity against SJSU. Nassar Prediction: War Eagle 58, Spartans 13
SEC Storied “It’s Time” VS. My Emotions: I already cried during three separate commercials for the Chucky Mullins story. Nassar Prediction: Buckets of tears shed. Don’t judge me. I’m a 38-year-old dad that drives a minivan.
An idiot college football fan spewing his views on SDS. A graduate of The University of Florida, his greatest gridiron accomplishment was several missed tackles on Tommie Frazier in high school. Much like the entire Gators defense in the '96 Fiesta Bowl.
